Horror Show Theater Presents, Lights Out

Welcome back to Behind The Closet Door.

This week we present to you episode 2 of Horror Show Theater, Lights Out.

Staring Dukey Flyswatter from the Legendary California band, Haunted Garage.  Pleasant dreams.  And remember to keep the lights out.

Horror Show Theater Presents, Dumb Cat

Hey Everyone!

Welcome back to Behind The Closet Door.

It is that time kiddies.  Sepulture productions has just released a brand new horror channel on Youtube and has begun releasing it's horror Anthology Webseries, Horror Show Theater.  Each episode will be released every Tuesday Bi-Weekly throughout the Holiday months of 2013.
 
The Pilot, Dumb Cat is a quaint and darkly humorous bit of terror, clocking in just under a minute including the credits and the logo (which is awesome looking by the way).  The logo animation was created by artist and graphic designer Camden Remington. 

Without further to do, allow me to present to you Episode 1 of Horror Show Theater...

Dumb Cat.

Top 10 Most Frightening Youtube Videos To Keep You Awake All Night Long

I know what you are going through right now.  Your Mom told you to, “Go to bed” and you aren’t the slightest bit interested in doing a single thing that witch tells you to do.  Well, that’s what I am here for.  Allow me to help you stay awake, because I like you a lot.  Also because the system your Mom has created for you is bogus and you of all people deserve to do what you want.  So go ahead and party all night like it’s 1999!  And to help fight off the sandman from sprinkling those magical dust particles in your eyes, I have compiled a list of the top 10 most frightening videos on youtube designed to keep you wide awake all night long.  Just remember to turn the lights out before you begin.  Are they out yet?  Good.  Let’s have some fun. 

1. Unbelievable Poltergeist Activity

This video entertains me as it manages to create a tense scene without turning the lights off.  The camera remains stationary throughout as it catches a bunch of spooky shit happening in this house; all the while those dogs keep wondering what the hell is going on.  Some have said this video is a fake (what else is new) because some point in, the lighting changes implying a passing of time to create fake ghost effects.  I myself question the almost-too-obviously-spooky choice of music the Poltergeist plays on the radio (seriously, who has a song like that set up to play on their home entertainment system?).  But despite my doubts of its authenticity, it still managed to make my spine tingle in a way very few youtube ghost videos can do.  Some of the simplest scares are the most effective after all. 

2. Dorm Room Ghost

This video is especially creepy, as the ghost manifests itself from the shadows around it and nothing more.  Granted, a lot of the mystery behind this ghost seems to come from the low quality of the camera, but it is tough to just write off how this spirit just appears and disappears without opening any doors or using any video effects.  Real or not, this is one hell of a spooky clip.

3. The Old Tape

This is a creepy online horror artifact, first shared on Redit in April of 2013.  Supposedly it was recorded off of a radio broadcast by the Redit poster Ravenmouth (the youtube poster is AD10669sh, presumably the same person) back in 1995 and until 2013, the recording had been sitting in a desk drawer.  It is of creepy ambient noises, followed by an echoed choir of female voices reading off a list of names and dates.  The trusty diehards of godlikeproductions.com (link to the discussion) took some time to study up on some of the names recited in the recording and found they all belong to dead people and the dates are of their deaths.  But some of the names are of these deceased individual’s next of kin.  The word on the street is The Old Tape may have your name listed in the recording too.  So take a good hard listen when you play this…You know…If you’re brave enough.

4. Japanese Ghost

Few cultures are as creative with their horror as the Japanese.   This has a lot to do with their rich, diverse background and belief system, which incorporates a platoon of supernatural creatures, ghosts, gods and demons.  It is easy for us to forget that the world we live in today is manufactured to provide us with more comfort than our ancestors were able to provide themselves.  But sometimes the old world likes to sneak up on us and shake us out of our comfort zone as a reminder that the same threats our ancestors had to face are still relevant today.  Such is the case with this fantastically frightening video, in which a happy group of individuals are interrupted by a Yūrei; a tortured spirit whose body was not put through the proper rights of passing.  If you had to pick a ghost video to watch to keep you from falling asleep, this is probably the one you are looking for.

5. Body of a Pig

Despite what I just said about the Japanese, don’t write off the British as just a bunch of tea sipping swootilypoopers.  They are hardcore with their myths and legends of ghosts and demons as well.  Body of a Pig messes with your head, as it anthropomorphizes one of the most delicious creatures in the animal kingdom and makes it a threat to these curious paranormal investigators.  The EVP (Electronic Voice Phenomenon) is creepy enough.  But the money shot is what follows the EVP.

6. Real Demons Caught on Tape

Arms, arms everywhere but not a gun to shoot (sorry, it’s not a creative joke).  Whoever made this video is sick.  And I want his autograph.  Seriously, what could be more frightening than being locked in a room with a million arms reaching out at you from nowhere?  How about a gaggle of tiny baby arms grabbing at you from underneath the doorframe, or the doorknob turning into an eyeball?  Or how about a giant finger monster ready to turn you into tasty tasty finger food?  I don’t know, but I do know I practically crapped my pants the first time I watched this.

7. Real Exorcism of Annelise Michel

All of you know about Exorcisms.  If not, I know you’ve at least heard of the movie The Exorcist.  Some of you may even know of at least one of the three not-as-good-or-popular horror films in similar vain, The Exorcism of Emily Rose, Anneliese: The Exorcist Tapes and Requiem.  Those three films were all inspired by the real case and Exorcism of Annelise Michel, a young Catholic woman who believed she was possessed by the devil.  In response, her parents secretly organized an Exorcism for her by two priest which took place over the span of 10 months and 67 sessions.  She died on July 1^st, 1976 from Dehydration and Malnutrition, among other ailments brought upon by mistreatment during the Exorcism rights.  The trial of her death received a great deal of press and the individuals responsible for her death were charged with negligent homicide.  Needless to say it was an all around fail for those who were responsible for her well-being.  The following is an audio recording of the actual Exorcism taking place, juxtaposed to photographs of Annelise throughout that last year.  If the ghosts and the demons make you scoff, let the sweet and somber tones of the horned one himself speaking through a dyeing young woman keep you company as you spend the rest of your night huddled nose deep beneath your covers.  They won’t protect you of course, but at least you will stay warm when he comes for you.

8. The Scariest Video You’ve Ever Watched In The Name of Science

After all those spooky videos I’d say it is time for a break from the paranormal.  Want to learn how to fix a transmission tower?  There’s nothing scary about that, right?  I mean it’s a pretty blue collar job working with electricity and metal pipes and whathaveyou…Oh yeah, and you also have to climb a vertical ladder that can go up thousands of feet while barely secured to only the most bare bones of safety equipment.  If you ever wondered what it was like to climb a 2,000 foot ladder while dragging over 30 lbs of equipment dangling from your belt, feeling the wind blow you back and forth, knowing that just one unpredicted storm cloud or the slightest breeze could knock you off balance causing you to fall hundreds to thousands of feet to the hard, unforgiving ground, wonder no more.  But look on the bright side; if you fall at least they won’t need to dig a grave for you.  By the time your body hits the earth, it will surely leave a 6-foot deep crater for your broken bloodied carcass.  Have fun thinking about that as you sit back, relax, and watch this climb from the safety of a GoPro camera. 

9. Robert The Doll

Haven’t got the creeps yet?  Bare with me now, I’m not done yet.  This video is about one of the most famous haunted artifacts of the 20^th century, Robert The Doll.  He is to this day one of the most nightmare inducing things ever conceived by mankind.  Robert the doll was a gift to the 6 year old Robert Eugene Otto.  His maid, who was thought to practice voodoo magic, created the doll in the likeness of the young man himself. You want to know the really scary part? Until his dyeing day, Robert Eugene Otto really believed his doll was alive.  And the people in his life including his wife were legitimately affected by the supposed mischievous actions of Robert The Doll.  That’s right folks, paranormal or not, everything in this video actually happened.  Pleasant dreams.

10. Found Footage Super 8 Reel 8.687687.87: Fragment 7k

I’ve seen a lot of these “guy with a camera checking out a lot of nothing until a pair of eyes stare back at him from the darkness” videos.  But I really like this one for a few reasons.  Most notably, the idea that the only thing separating you from whatever is reaching through those cracks is a flimsy, rotten bathroom door stall.  The youtube poster of this video is Jack Torrance (link in the name), and he has a bunch of these, “found footage super 8 reel” clips supposedly found in, “10 large boxes at an estate sale for 5 bucks a box” in Austin, Texas.  If my list wasn’t enough to keep you awake, then as a bonus I challenge you check out all of the videos on his channel.  Though this one is particularly scary, they will all aid in keeping you from catching the necessary Z’s for your well deserved night’s sleep. 

So that’s it folks.  I hope my list has kept you thoroughly entertained.  Maybe next time you won’t need inspiration to keep yourself awake, as these videos provide a sufficient amount of nightmare fuel for a lifetime. At least so long as you keep the lights out.  And remember.  There is nothing in the dark.  So there is no need to look behind you.  Even when you feel that warm, raspy breathe of air on the back of your neck.  Whatever you do.  Don’t turn around.  

Phantom of the Paradise Review

All right, all you Phantom-of-the-Opera-fans, it is time to knock your socks off.  You want an original take on the phantom?  I bet you didn’t even know you had one.

Phantom of the Paradise is a film directed by Brian De Palma, director of Carrie and Mission Impossible.   It draws heavily from both the original Phantom of the Opera novel as well as the infamous legend of Faust.  In this story, Winslow Leech, played by the late William Finney, is an up and coming composer who is solicited by the great and powerful record producer, Swan, to produce his album.  But this is only a ruse for Swan to steal Leech’s music, which he plans on using to open his new Casa de Rock and Roll that rivals such industry locals as Disneyland, which he calls The Paradise. 

Upon discovering Swan’s plan, Winslow struggles in vain to get back on the same page with the satanic producer.  But each attempt lands Winslow in even more trouble, such as being kicked out of Swan’s office, sent to jail, having his teeth removed, having his vocal cords removed and having his face melted down to silly putty in a record press machine. 

Humiliated and presumed dead, he stalks the paradise, sabotaging Swan’s attempts to put on his opening act.  Unfortunately ever the devil, Swan’s not done with Winslow yet, as he plans to bleed the new phantom’s creativity and steal the woman of his dreams all in one sinister swoop. 

Funny thing this movie, it is filled with tiny inconsistencies and technical errors but it remains to be one of the most entertaining indie films of the early 1970s.  Normally, I like picking the bones of these cult movies clean like a vulture in the Arizona desert.  But this movie is way too much fun.  Partly because of Paul Williams of course!  What?  That guy from the Muppets who sings about an old fashioned love song with two clones of himself singing alongside him?  Yup, that guy.  Apparently this guy plays bad guys very well, as this is not his only time performing as a villainous character.  You can also see (or rather hear) him as the murdering, bank robing, son of a bitch Oswald “The Penguin” Cobblepot in the Batman animated series. 

Mr. De Palma made a wise choice in hiring Paul Williams to write the music for this movie.  It’s fun, dark, creepy and hauntingly beautiful.  Strange, coming from the man who wrote Rainbow Connection.  This brings up a very good point.  Does anyone remember any original not-used-for-television-or-film songs written by this guy?  More importantly, why does no one remember this guy?  He’s had it all, and even been the subject of a mildly darkly themed documentary titled, “Paul Williams Still Alive”.  Not only can he write memorable, catchy music but also he plays such convincing bad guys.  Look at him, walking into his office with a million women climbing all over each other just to have a piece of this piggy bloke, Swan. You know these women are doing this just to get a taste of the lime light their foster parents went so far out of their way to convince them they weren’t good enough for.  What a schmuck.

My favorite scene in this movie is when Swan hooks up Winslow to an electric voice box jerry-rigged to a mixing station.  Winslow plays the piano and sings his bittersweet song (lovingly entitled “Faust”) as Swan, at the mixing board, works to re-create Winslow’s true voice.  The progression of “tuning in” to artificially restore what Winslow no longer has, juxtaposed to the horrible figure he now is, is eerily beautiful.  This scene also brings up a lot of nostalgic Frankensteiney imagery such as a mad genius slaving over his machines to put together his horrible monster.  Classic.

Just like in the original novel, the Phantom of this film is not a ghost but actually a talented and misunderstood artist who uses mystique and theatricality to impose fear and intimidation on his enemies.  But unlike in the original novel, Winslow has an on screen change from your run-of-the-mill musician to the haunting creature, The Phantom.  At first, Winslow is a pretty approachable guy, albeit with a bit of a temper when threatened.  He flirts, he smiles and he writes beautiful music that touches fellow performers and tycoons alike.  When he first realizes his music has been stolen, he attempts to make peace with his antagonist to come to a fair arrangement for both parties.  But the more Swan pushes him, the more his anger takes over.  He even tries to break into Swan’s boudoir dressed as a woman in hopes of getting Swans attention, only to be beaten up and framed for possessing illegal drugs, fetching himself a life sentence for Sing Sing, were horrible medical experiments are implemented on him for God knows how long.  The dark side of Winslow’s nature seems to dominate his actions for the rest of the movie after that.  He breaks out of prison, dons a mask and black leather outfit and attacks the various performers who attempt to bastardize his own music at The Paradise.  He is quick to react aggressively when things don’t go the way he wants.  Yet Winslow’s passion is easily manipulated by the evil Swan into making more music in exchange for fame, a new voice and various narcotics to keep him cranking out them hits!

This movie is also my second favorite film starring Jessica Harper.  Try and guess which one is the first (If you can’t figure it out, I’d find that a little Suspiricious).  She has a girl-next-door plainness about her that fits well in this movie.  She is young and mouse-like with a good singing voice and a lot of stage presence.  But outside of her stage presence, she is your average everyday girl, looks and all.  This makes the Winslow character even more down to earth, as he finds this young woman to be perfect despite her shortcomings.  His standards are just not as corrupt as everyone else.  This is the one thing he is able to hold onto throughout the film in order to keep his humanity. 

Lastly, let’s not forget one of the best characters in this movie; the effeminate, metal prima donna Beef played by Bud the Chud himself, Gerrit Graham.  When on stage or in front of a camera, Beef is a nasty grimacing badass with an attitude to match.  But meet him in his changing room and you’ll find a very different kind of man.  He’s girly, catty and a tad on the bitchy side for a metal head.  His butchering of Winslow’s music is hilarious, especially coupled with Winslow’s reaction to every note he listens to Beef belt out.  Winslow is flat out against Beef performing his music, as he only wants the angelic “Phoenix” (Harper) to sing his songs.  Swan bricks Winslow into his room to keep him from interrupting Beef’s opening performance of Winslow’s music.  But just like a Honey badger, Winslow breaks the wall down and attacks the live performance once more.   

This movie was panned at its initial release, mostly due to a mishandled marketing campaign and a great deal of confusion from the audience about what type of movie this was  But since the late 70’s, it has built a rather impressive fan base.  In 2005 and 2006 in Winnipeg, The Convention Phantompalooza was held to honor the film, consisting of a reunion of most of the surviving cast followed by a concert from Paul Williams.  When William Finley died in April 2012, indiewire wrote a wonderful piece on his career as an actor, most notably his involvement in Phantom of the Paradise (link to article right here).  It seems that even though this film was forgotten almost as soon as it was made, time has treated it with great reverence.  It continues to rope in newer, fresher audiences who hunger for the lost gems of indie Hollywood.  Do something nice for yourself and take a moment to check this one out with your friends.  I promise you will get a lot out of it.

5 Youtube Channels Probably Run By The Insane

It is said the internet is a never ending cesspool of mystery.  But the concept that the “Internet has no end” is fairly new.  It wasn't long ago that no amount of DOS prompt or surfing would uncover anything exciting outside of the Ultimate Showdown and a very gay Spiderman.  But screw that; it's 2013 now.  The net is chock full of content to waste your valuable little lives on.   

The internet is the world's microphone; it is so easy for anyone to get up and speak when the whole world is tuned in to listen.  With the digital generation currently taking over, everyone wants the opportunity to share their thoughts and creativity.  The best part is the anonymity.  You don't have to share your identity if you want to say or do something completely whacked online.  Which if you think about it can be pretty creepy, as some of these speakers could be really touched in the head.  Just like Lewis and Clark, Uncle Jeffrey has patrolled one of the most popular mediums of expression, Youtube, and has come up with some of the craziest speakers out there.  Without further ado, Allow me to share with you my top 5 favorite Youtube channels probably run by the insane.

5. ShayeSaintJohn

ShayeSaintJohn has been an Internet personality for years and is an expert in the field of whatthefuckology.  But you would be lying to yourself if you didn’t admit to having even the slightest tingle creep down your spine when first popping your ShayeSaintJohn cherry.  Every one of his videos is a combination of the bizarre and the macabre (just like me) and yet, like a good ol’ train wreck, you just can’t look away.  He has in his repertoire a creepy arm gimmick, which makes his arm look like it can float away from his body.  A simple illusion to be sure, but an effective one.  I highly recommend keeping your eyes open for the next of this man’s videos.  He may be insane, but he is a lot of fun being it.

4. Adolfo Mateo

This man, on the other hand, is no fun at all.  He just sits there smoking his pipe all day.  But he films himself and posts it to youtube, so you can have a smoking buddy when you don’t have any real friends to smoke with.  No, really, His videos are just of him smoking his old pipe wearing slightly different outfits in each video, grumbling inaudibly the whole time.  And he’s posted over two thousand videos of just that.  There is little to no rewatch value; after seeing the first five seconds of one, you’ve seen them all.  But just like the little engine that could, he keeps on posting his bizarre smoking videos.  And I commend him for it, as should you.  Here’s to you Adolfo Mateo, the world wheezes an anticipated and smoke filled gasp of excitement for your next youtube production.

3. Nasajim108

Have you got a spare tin hat handy?  You may want to put it on after taking a gander at what this man has to show you.  If he is a man at all. 

In July of 2008, Nasajim108 uploaded the first of many creepy videos, asserting to expose the truth about the Illuminati and the government’s involvement with extraterrestrials.  He claims to be a dyeing former NASA employee who has met with the Alien Greys while on the job.  According to nasajim108, there is a highly intelligent subterranean species of aliens living on Mars right now that are tied deeply into the doings of the government.  

He likens his channel to a digital deathbed confession, shedding light on the sinister agenda of the government and the aliens that inhabit the White House.  In his videos, he shares an audio recording of an alien, a hypnotic tool used to probe the sleeping mind of a human, and lots of other weird extraterrestrial things that leave you scratching your head in disbelief.  Nasajim108 is not first ex government employee to preach the existence of aliens and I doubt he will be the last.  But is his particular message of death and horror from beyond the stars legit?  Or is he just a troll looking to play with innocent dopes that stumble across his channel?  The world may never know.

2. Alantutorial

Probably my favorite channel on this list is Alantutorial.  Alan is a simple man who only wishes to teach you neat life hacks through a series of video tutorials on youtube.  At heart, Alan is a lover of his fellow man and a helper of the bored and bewildered.  But he is also completely out of his mind.  None of Alan’s tutorials have ever taught how to do anything.  They are all bizarre and some of them very creepy to watch.  Don’t believe me?  Take a gander at his video, “How To Make A Double Barrel WWII Italian Fighter Plane Origami Paper Art”.  Besides the fact that he doesn’t go beyond folding the sheet of paper in half, the entire time a mysterious and ominous knocking coming from the front door keeps interrupting him.  Despite his attempts to call out to the individual on the other side, there is never a response, just more knocking.  Not to say Alan is ever able to concentrate when there isn’t a mysterious knocking at his front door.   In his video on how to pick up a blue chair off the ground, he struggles to keep his composure since he is balling his eyes out and doesn't even accomplish the simple task of lifting a chair off the ground.  There is even evidence that Alan is a murderer.  In his video "AlanVideo.mp4 Tutorial", he walks around the street with blood on his hands and with his camera, shows a giant splash of blood on the pavement next to a jagged rock.  Since his last video on “How To Change”, in which he lights a chair on fire and chops away at it with an axe, he has stopped making his famous tutorials and presumably died from forth degree burns or disappeared to a higher plane of existence.  However, die-hard fans continue to hope and pray for his sweet, unholy return.  For this man is not a man, he is a god; a god of tutorials.  And we all anxiously wait for his resurrection.

1. The Molly Holly Stalker

This individual does not have just one youtube channel; he has many.  He also has a website and a twitter page all dedicated to defacing the good name of WWE wrestler Nora “Molly Holly” Greenwald.    Now I don’t actually know if this guy is only one guy, nor do I know if he is even a guy at all, but whoever is posting these videos is holding some serious hate for the young female wrestler and her current husband, whom he constantly refers to as a drug dealer.  Each channel has at least one video but they are all filled with anger induced drivel accusing Molly Holly of everything from lying about her virginity to being an all around terrible person.  What makes these videos so crazy is that no one is talking about them.  One of the videos depicts a man with a giant collection of Molly Holly action figures, throwing them in the dumpster (along with what I assume is a sports bra of Molly Holly’s) with a threatening caption saying how she messed with the wrong person.  This man got it all on film, put it online and no one is addressing how creepy this is?  It makes me wonder if anyone ever tried to address it before and was quietly taken out to the back of the woodshed for disposal.  I tell you, after watching a good portion of these videos; I sure would hate to be Molly Holly.  Nor would I want to be the dumb schmuck who tries to call attention to this obviously insane person…wait…shit…

Here is a quote taken from the website: http://www.knowthetruthng.com/

“Fun facts about Nora Greenwald: 1. She lied about being a virgin. 2. She screwed people out of charity donations that went to her pocket "in the name of christ" (ask the donators). 3. She sabotaged Malia Hosaka's career. 4. She's anorexic and broke these days with a pill habit and tried to sell her used underwear for cash. 5. A Dr. diagnosed her as a pathological lying sociopath. 6. She associates with low lifes including her husband who robbed a church. *So much for sweet innocent Molly Holly.*"

Here are some of the youtube channels made to slander this woman…there are definitely more.  Give them a watch and relish in the insanity of it all. 

NoragreenwaldSCAMMER

Mollyhollygreenwald

Noragreenwaldisacunt

MollyHollyFRAUD

norabenshoof

mollyhollynorawwe

mollyhollyCRACKWHORE

noragreenwaldCULTIST

Rawkatty

Bolescreekwrestling

thestandardMS

jackthaddeusisGOD

ChrisBenoitMurders07

DrJaniceWheeler

MrJackThaddeus

Eugenebenshoof

ChriMurderer Benoit

Therealclydecash

07ChrisBenoitMURDERS

TeenChallengeCULT

ForestLakeAlerts

Hey Kiddies,

I hope you all remember last year and my attempt to host Shockfest Film Festival in Hollywood CA.  I figured now is as good a time as any to let you all know that this year, Shockfest will be managed by little old moi. As such, allow me to whore it out.  Don’t fret friends, pretty soon I will be getting back to traditional blogs and even a webseries, which I think you will all love.  It will depict my exploits tormenting the Grove Family, whose closet I happen to be haunting.  It’s a brand new spin on the whole “Horror Host” craze and I look forward to sharing with you details.  But for now, it’s time for some Shockfest. 

Shockfest is running on its 7^th year and it will be hosted at Raleigh Studios in Hollywood.  This year is a special one indeed, as it will be a film festival, a zombie walk, a mini convention and a haunted house.  It will take place on November 16^th – 18^th and they have a wonderful selection of films to premiere, as well as two different themes on Friday and Saturday night.  Opening night (Friday) they will create a Silver Screen/Golden Age Horror Hollywood ambiance, reminiscent of the 1950s.  This will include magicians entertaining guests, gothic and haunting ambiance and a classy red carpet.  Shockfest has been known in the past for its grungy and 80's indie drive-through environment and Saturday, they will be going back to this familiar theme, with monsters and horrible butchers walking around the outside of the festival.  They will have tables and booths for vendors, authors, actors and film makers to sell their wares and/or autographs to the public.  Saturday is the opening of the Haunted Attraction, which will be a hallway of fear for those brave enough to enter.  Last year this Haunted Attraction brought the house down and I am glad to say it is not only being revived, but remodeled.

“But Jeffrey”, you may be asking, “How do I get tickets to such an event of magnificent proportions?”

Well, all you have to do is follow this link (http://shockfest2012.eventbrite.com/#) and by typing in the promotional code, "Matt" (I was given this code by Matt Rosvally, my delicious human boss, who has given me permission to publicize this code to you all) and you get a %25 discount on any and all tickets.  As I said, this is fine and encouraged to publicized, so take advantage now, my lovelies.

Matt = Promotional Code

So what are you waiting for?  Check out the website at (http://www.shockfilmfest.com/) for updates on who to expect at the event, what movies are being premiered and hints at what surprises are in store and buy a ticket today!  Go on…click the eventbrite link.  I dare you…Alright, don’t do it.  See if I care.  I’ll just be here…Alone…Sitting in your closet…Waiting…For you to go to sleep…

Prince of Darkness

“He wears disguises, but his ends are single and lie in only one direction, double faced but never double-minded, never undecided, never vague or feeble in his purposes or ends.”

~Edward M. Bounds, on The Devil

Looking for something diabolic?  Look no further.  Prince of Darkness is a lovely little pocket-sized biography on the Horned One.  It uses excerpts from the bible to break down the history, personality, and motivations of everyone’s favorite red headed Lucy (…No, not the dead one!) Though Prince of Darkness is nowhere near as in depth as Jeffrey Burton Russell’s Mephistopheles: The Devil in the Modern World, don’t be fooled. Elwood pulls all the stops, sticking his best finger into the Devil’s brain, picking it tenderly like a fresh batch of blueberries.

That's right Lucille, you win that academy award.  It's not like I am jealous, or anything.

There are lots of fun little tidbits of information here in this book.  For example, Elwood spells out the nature of the serpent that exposed Adam and Eve to their favorite dish, the forbidden fruit.  Many consider this serprent to be Satan himself (after all, Adam and Eve were the first human sinners, but Satan was the first sinner of the Angelic Plane).  But just like the Native American folklore, where the Owl was a victim of his own vanity (the Owl's form is the opposite of what he wished it to be), so was the Snake in Christian folklore.  According to the Bible, snakes were once beautiful creatures, but the snake was cursed to crawl on his belly for his sin of convincing Adam and Eve how juicy those apples tasted.  It's the tidbits like this that make this book so interesting.   

But I suppose if I had to nit pick, since the book is an easy to read interpretation and analysis of Bible quotes, there’s a level of preachiness in the air as you read it.  I suppose I didn’t know what to expect when I first picked it up.  But I think it would have been more fun to incorporate analysis of other writings and interpretations of The Devil, like from Paradise Lost, Dante’s Inferno, and dare I say Neil Gaiman’s Sandman Graphic Novel? (ok, maybe not that one, it was written after this book was.  But you get what I mean).  It would have given a lot more depth to the subject, for sure.  After all, the many authors of the bible (the ones “God” spoke through, for you Christ-fags) aren’t the only ones who have something to say about the Devil’s Character. 

The artwork in this book is one of the highest selling factors for me.  Pages are filled cover to cover with the biblical artwork of famous French artist, Gustave Dore.  Some of his more familiar scenes represented in this book are Dore’s depictions of both Paradise Lost and Dante’s Inferno.  My favorite has always been the piece with Dante and Virgil looking over the 9^th circle of Hell, dwarfed by the overwhelming size of Satan, beating his mighty wings.

My copy of the book comes with a golden strap, which offers a quick biography on both the author and Mr. Dores.  The book also has a box to keep the cover from getting dirty.  Apparently, it was once sold for 3.95, but of course inflation is a factor here in purchasing a copy now.  Just google it, I’m sure you’ll find it for an affordable price.  I myself have seen it from under ten dollars to hundreds of dollars.  Just ignore those pretentious twats that choose to sell a tiny book for ridiculous prices.  

This book is not the classic "occult piece" it is made out to be on the internet.  There is nothing here to learn about the dark arts, nor is there anything all that bold, besides a good old fashion Christian Bible lesson.  But if you wish to read a fun and concentrated piece on the Bible's interpretation of Satan, this is the book for you. 

Don't Panic!  If you'd like to learn a little more about the dark arts, keep your peepers pealed, kiddies.  There's much on the docket.