tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26586142690281231822024-02-06T19:23:54.944-08:00After Midnight, Behind the Closet DoorPlease don't let my use of modern day conveniences deceive you; I am most definitely a monster. But I am an informative monster, who wishes to chat about the world after the lights go outJeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-8114443154719868742013-11-19T11:09:00.000-08:002013-11-19T11:13:36.176-08:00Horror Show Theater Presents, HoneyWelcome back to Behind The Closet Door.<br />
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We have a tasty treat for you tonight, kiddies. This torrid tidbit stars Horror Icon Ed Gale, the Killer Doll from the films Child's Play and Dolly Dearest. He was also notorious for portraying the feathered foul, Howard in the 80's classic Howard The Duck.<br />
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"Good Morning Honey. Don't be scared, it's Just me. You didn't eat your food..."<br />
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Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-66313782935710485512013-10-25T11:30:00.002-07:002013-10-25T11:30:21.424-07:00Horror Show Theater Presents, Happy HalloweenWelcome back to Behind the Closet Door.<br />
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Now it is time for a Holiday Treat; something to really sink your teeth into. <br />
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This Seasonal Special is about two sisters with a broken friendship and their respective social circles...And a soul eating demon.<br />
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Happy Halloween, from Sepulture Productions and all us monsters at Behind the Closet Door.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/pGTE-PQI7uQ?rel=0" width="420"></iframe>Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-19035866069304709862013-10-12T12:27:00.003-07:002013-10-13T11:02:41.648-07:00Top 10 Halloween Dance Crazes<div style="text-align: center;">
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It’s that time of year again. Time to pull out your bags of god-awful candy corn and dress up like your favorite movie character if you are a guy (or in your favorite slutty outfit if you are a girl…sorry ladies, you want to fight the stereotype don’t give into it). It’s Halloween!
Frequently around this time, people ask me, “Jeffrey, what are some good frightening dances I can do at my next Halloween party?” I like to tell people to listen to novelty songs, as there is an endless supply of horror dance crazes perfect for the Halloween season found in many of their lyrics. However, it is a huge time investment to go digging through the endless supply of songs created over the past century. Many of these songs have never even received a release since the creation of their initial record and rely on bit torrents and amateur format transfers to even see the digital light of day. That is why I have here a list of my favorite novelty songs that teach you how to bop like the abomination you are (or the abomination your parents mutter about under their breath when they think you aren’t listening).<br />
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<b>1) Doin' The Zombie by Chubby Checker </b><br />
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I don’t know where the legendary Chubs got the idea to make a Halloween Novelty record, but he did. And it is…a novelty. In the late September of 1997, Chubby Checker came out with his campy EP “Doin’ The Zombie”, which consists of four Halloween novelty songs. But let’s focus on the title song, which teaches a simple little number anyone can do at any dance party.
The point of Checker’s dance, “The Zombie” is not finesse or grace; it is persistence and longevity. All you have to do to do The Zombie is to act like a slow shambling monster on a dance floor for as long as you possibly can (preferably until the sun comes up). In the opening lyrics, it is expressed that the dance is “not very tricky”. In fact, it is a dance for people “who like to party all night and get freaky”. The lyrics remain vague on the specific steps of the dance, but do spell out the essential points needed to accomplish the dance properly.<br />
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Shake your head
Put your hands up high<br />
Wiggle all your fingers like a bird tries to fly<br />
Kick off your shoes
Keep your body loose<br />
Moving in a strange and freaky way<br />
You’ve got to look like a ghoul
Stand real cool<br />
And dance until the break of day<br />
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You also have to “jump to the rhythm” during the bridge of the song. But this step does not need to be repeated throughout. It is also the most amount of exertion you will make when performing the dance.<br />
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Since this song was written in the mid 90’s and running zombies were not around quite yet, it is safe to assume this dance number is inspired by the pop culture interpretation of a zombie at the time, which was a slow shambling undead corpse. Given the lax nature and open interpretation of the steps, it is clear the point of the dance is to mimic zombie shambling on the dance floor, so long as you remain loose and occasionally “jump” to the rhythm. What’s even better is the less energy you use, the more adequate of a job you are doing. That way, you won’t get burnt out as quickly as you would while dancing a Charlston or a Jitter Bug, which involve high energy movements and fast motion. With this spare energy, you can dance the night away.<br />
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<b>2) (Everybody's Doin') The Ghastly Stomp by The Ghastly Ones</b><br />
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In 1996, these wacky Southern California Undertakers formed a band to rock your crypt with their Surfabilly/Rockabilly monster music. And boy, are they good at it. This is particularly evident in their song from the 2007 album “Unearthed” titled (Everybody's Doin') The Ghastly Stomp. The song is ambiguous about the specific steps of the dance. But since it is a variation of a “stomp” (I assume they mean a Bristol Stomp, not a Native American Stomp Dance) it is a fairly simple move that takes very little effort and is fun to do. However, what differentiates a Bristol Stomp from a Ghastly Stomp is the inclusion of a “hip wiggle” throughout.<br />
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Here are the steps to the Bristol Stomp, accompanied by a clip of The Dovells, the inventors of the Bristol Stomp, as they perform the move on live TV (Is that Chubby Checker introducing them? Man he gets around).<br />
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You begin the dance with your feet shoulders width apart. Start with the right foot by tapping your right heel twice on the dance floor in front of you.<br />
Then return your right foot to position one.<br />
Next, with the left foot, tap your left heel twice on the dance floor in front of you.<br />
Then return your left foot to position one.<br />
You bring your left foot back one step, and slide your right foot backward to meet your left.<br />
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Once that is accomplished, you repeat all these moves once from the top.
This part of the dance is the break. You pick up your right foot and tap your heel in front of you twice.<br />
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Then, take a step back with that same foot and kick backward twice with your left leg.<br />
Once that last kick is done, you step forward with the still raised left foot and return to the top of the dance.<br />
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Now you’ve got the whole motion of the Bristol Stomp. To turn it into a Ghastly stomp, don’t forget to wiggle your hips throughout. There is also an additional move that must be accomplished to make a complete Ghastly Stomp, and that is when you make a powerful leap upward and slam both of your feet to the ground together. This is the move the lead singer accomplishes at 1:34 into the video. It’s a tough move, but easy to pick up on if practiced a bit. <br />
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<b>3) The Halloween Dance by Reverend Horton Heat</b><br />
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This song is the “Cha Cha Slide” of Halloween dance numbers. The steps to The Halloween Dance are literally written into the song, as the dance is intended for a large group of people to follow the song’s instructions. The Halloween Dance was created by Reverend Horton Heat for the album Halloween Hootenanny, by Rob Zombie.<br />
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In case you wish to practice the dance at home, here are the lyrics that spell out the steps.<br />
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You put your hands up around your neck<br />
You run in a circle back and forth like heck<br />
You hold your arms out like you’re in a trance<br />
Now you’re doing the Halloween Dance<br />
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You do the stab with the psycho knife<br />
You push a shopping cart like a Stepford Wife<br />
You stoop like the hunchback of Notre Dam<br />
Now you’re doing a Halloween Dance<br />
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You hold a cape up around your face<br />
You slash your teeth like you need a taste<br />
You shake your booty like you’re changing your pants<br />
Now you’re doing the Halloween Dance<br />
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<b>4) Voodoo walk
by Sonny Richard's Panic</b><br />
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Now we are really digging into the obscurity barrel. Sonny Richard was a musician from the 50’s and 60’s who never really hit it big, but came out with a few pop gems that are still around today (if you dig deep enough). This song remains his most well known. Co-written by “Cindy and Misty” (who apparently wrote the majority of the song) The Voodoo Walk doesn’t have many instructions. But the song does describe the different ways various famous monsters engage in the dance during a dark night where “the moon is high”. For example, “The werewolf does the voodoo walk, instead of monster mash you stalk. The mummy does it with a thud, when the vampire does it he drinks your blood”<br />
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However, the chorus’ lyrics spell out a fairly simplistic series of steps that if performed are meant to accompany the song. Here they are.<br />
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Do a little walk, give a funny quiver<br />
Walk on back and give a little shiver<br />
Fly back in, then begin to stalk<br />
Just like the shadow that’s the voodoo walk<br />
All the ghouls do it, it will go through your head<br />
Do the voodoo walk, the dance of the dead<br />
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As long as the main instructions are followed, there is a great amount of room for improv. However, if I may be so bold, I have elaborated a tad on the specifics of the steps to make this dance easy and not so interpretive; perfect for those who wish to see instructions that are a little more black and white.<br />
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When executing the “little walk”, take three steps forward, exaggerating the natural swing of your hips during each step.<br />
“Giving a funny quiver” is nothing more than shimmying your shoulders back and fourth.<br />
For the “walk on back” step, take three steps backward. Don’t forget to exaggerate your hip swing again.<br />
For giving “a little shiver”, you shimmy your shoulders again in an identical fashion to the “Give a funny quiver” shimmy.<br />
To “Fly back in”, you take one large step to the left with your left foot and slide your right foot to meet it, all the wile, keeping your hands and arms outward to your sides.<br />
Once that has been accomplished you “then begin to stalk”, which consists of three baby steps in place, all the while your arms are tucked in and fingers curled like claws. Swing your arms left, right, left in unison to the steps of your feet.<br />
During the lyrics “just like the shadow that’s the voodoo walk”, make a motion with your left arm as though you were wearing a long black cape and slowly covering the bottom half of your face with it, tucking your mouth between the crevice under your elbow. Think of Dracula covering his face with his cape. That is the motion you want to make. If the light is not too dim on the dance floor, it is a nice touch to shoot a sinister gaze all around the room while engaging this step.<br />
Next, during the lyric “all the ghouls do it, it will flow through your head”, you shoot both arms up in the air, fingers extended outward. Then make the shape of a gun with your left hand and put it to your temple.<br />
Finally, during the last line of the chorus, “come do the voodoo walk, the dance of the dead” you return your arms to your sides and take three steps forward, exaggerating the natural swing of your hips during each step.<br />
Then perform a final shimmy of your shoulders to complete the dance.<br />
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That’s it. Just one more thing; don’t forget that the Voodoo walk is in fact The licensed official “Dance of the Dead” and carries a lot of clout in the monster world. When performed correctly, you are bound to get a terrifying round of applause from your audience, as well as a possible couple of extra “love bites” from your new adoring fans. Or at least from the mosquitoes hanging around the graveyard night with you and your monster buddies...weirdo... <br />
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<b>5) The lurch
by Ted Cassidy</b><br />
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In the 60’s the Adams Family was all the rage. And like every show, there was a “Fonz” character written for general audiences to gravitate to the most. In this show, this character was the Frankenstein Monster lookalike Lurch. The hulking butler was so popular at the time that someone up high decided to make a whole variety act around him for the show Shindig! with a song and dance number titled “The Lurch”. The sketch begins with a pack of children approach the 6 foot tall behemoth in hopes of him teaching them how to “Lurch”, a new dance craze which is apparently the talk of the town.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdcj34Z1D35sanoxQRAEgpwEWV7v189Ch5AyKVIMV4JvMNA-gQf8ybBSLEsZmwKtYusB0UGau9b9sQiSXmTSz2EEQh2BF5LKJ0d7thYElS2QjcGvOMJRprToqjb1KaJotLToyMgFRZnxza/s1600/wolfiefrankie.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="233" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdcj34Z1D35sanoxQRAEgpwEWV7v189Ch5AyKVIMV4JvMNA-gQf8ybBSLEsZmwKtYusB0UGau9b9sQiSXmTSz2EEQh2BF5LKJ0d7thYElS2QjcGvOMJRprToqjb1KaJotLToyMgFRZnxza/s320/wolfiefrankie.jpg" width="320" /></a>The dance steps are similar to “the Pony”, “the Roach” and “the Charleston” but incorporate an added “Lurching” twist of the torso and a swing of the arms. As you do this dance, remember the illusion you want to create is that your arms are flaccid and loosely attached to your shoulders. As you dance, it will look like the movement of your feet and torso control the motion of your “limp”, swinging arms.<br />
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You start with a big step to your left with your left foot.<br />
You then follow with your right arm and leg simultaneously to the left, crossing your right leg behind the left leg and making a “swinging” motion with your right arm. As you make the swinging motion, really put your shoulder into it. You want your arms to be very loose and lanky throughout the dance.<br />
Next, you make another step to the left with your left foot, and bring your right foot to meet it, tapping it on the ground once. Keep all your weight on the left foot, for when you finish your right foot tap, you take a big step to the right with the right foot.<br />
You follow with your left arm and leg moving simultaneously to the right, crossing your left leg behind the right leg and making that familiar “swinging” motion with your left arm.<br />
Now take another step with your right foot to the right, and bring your left foot in to meet the right.<br />
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As you can see, all you are doing is repeating the first series of steps, but inverting your body’s direction.<br />
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Once you have completed these steps, you take one step forward with your left foot and swing your left arm forward and outward.<br />
You follow with one step forward with your right foot ahead of the left and your right arm swinging forward and to the left. Simultaneously the momentum built up from the initial swing of your left arm has swung it all the way around you to your back.<br />
Now lean back with your right shoulder, swinging both arms simultaneously clockwise around your body. Your right arm is now swung behind your back and your left arm is in front of your chest, pointing to the right.<br />
Take a step backward with your right foot, meeting both feet together and arms back to the side, returning to position one.<br />
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Now, repeat these steps from the beginning.<br />
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Sounds confusing? It’s really not. As long as you watch the video and follow the steps, you will do just fine.<br />
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And remember; Don’t just stand there. LURCH!<br />
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<b>6) The Pistol Stomp by Zacherle </b><br />
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This jaunty parody performed by the infamous Jon Zacherle is another variation of “The Bristol Stomp”. But this one is much more fun, as it involves crazed lunatics shooting at your feet while you jump around to dodge the bullets. *By the way, as a side note, I’ve tried very hard to avoid posting more than one Zacherle song, as he is responsible for creating such steps as “Limb for Limbo Rock”, “The Bat” and the “Weird Watusi” (My personal favorite). But the Pistol Stomp is one to be shared, especially given how relevant it is these days with government shutdowns, fiscal cliffs, marshal law and a complete collapse in the status quo, I bet we’ll all be doing the Pistol Stomp very very soon. So better get to practicing or you will be ill prepared for the collapse of the world order.<br />
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<b>7) Do the Necronomicon
by George Reinblatt</b><br />
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“In hell we dance our own special way let’s show em how we dance while our bodies decay”
Here’s another super simple series of steps. “Do The Necronomicon” was the climax song for the infamous “Evil Dead The Musical”. At this point in the show, the shotgun toting hero, Ash, is up against a band of murderous Deadites and has little chance of survival. What he must do now is read from The Infamous Book of the Dead and complete the spell to remove the Deadites from this plane of existence. But part of the spell involves granting the evil behind the Deadites a mortal form to destroy. When The Evil takes on its mortal form, it leads its band of monsters in song and dance to celebrate their coming apocalypse. They call this song and dance “The Necronomicon”.<br />
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The show itself is fantastic. With blood, guts, gore, murder, demons and dark comedy galore, there is no reason to not fall for this wonderful piece of theatrical art-house cult custard pie. Do yourself a favor and buy the soundtrack, it’s a hoot. That way, when the Deadites come for you, you will know the proper choreography.<br />
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Here are the lyrics that teach the steps to the dance.<br />
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First you jump
Then you sink down<br />
Then you get back up and lasso all around<br />
Then you spin
Clap your hands<br />
And take a brief moment to acknowledge the band<br />
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Do the robot
And the sprinkler<br />
And finish it off with your best Henry Winkler<br />
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To do these steps properly, you follow these directions.<br />
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First you jump with both feet together in the air. Upon landing, you “sink” or squat downward, to create the effect that you have fallen from a great height.<br />
Once this is done you return to your position 1.<br />
With your arms, you pretend to twirl an invisible “lasso” over your head like a cowboy. The amount of twirls is debatable, but in the past it has been done with four consecutive twirls of your wrist over the head.<br />
You then take a step with your right foot to the left, stepping over your foot and pivoting counter clockwise to rotate or “spin” your body 360 degrees, at which point you raise your forearms so your hands are eye level.<br />
You clap your hands three times.<br />
Next you pause for a break, in which you engage in an improv called “acknowledging the band”. To do the improv, you pretend to be on a stage with an accompanied band just below your feet. You then pretend to shower the invisible band with admiration and affection for the time and work they have taken out of their busy lives to perform “The Necronomicon” for you. Now don’t get too excited, there isn’t a real band performing for you in your living room. All you have to do is pretend there is and you’ve got it.<br />
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For the next three steps, you are also expected to improvise your movements. Don’t get overwhelmed; it is all interpretive and supposed to be fun.<br />
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You take a beat to perform your own variation of “The Robot”. For those of you who don’t know, the robot is when you make rigid, stiff motions to simulate robotic movement in your body, usually with your arms stuck in 90 degree angles by the elbows.<br />
You follow up with “The Sprinkler”. This is when you twist your body from right to left once by the waist, all the while pretending to be projecting a water stream from your arms like a lawn sprinkler.<br />
Finally, all you have to do is finish it off with your best Henry Winkler. That is to say, you tighten your elbows into the sides of your ribs, angle your forearms so they are parallel to the floor, stick your thumbs un in the air, and as you make small circles with your forearms, you let out a cool collected “aaaaaaaayyyyyyyeeeeeee” sound.<br />
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<b>8) The Monster Mash
by Bobby "Boris" Pickett</b><br />
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Alright folks, here’s where we get a little predictable. But there’s a reason we save the best for last. Even if you don’t know Bobby “Borris” Pickett, you certainly have heard his work before. Back in the 60’s, he was the king of the monster dance craze scene, as he created what has become the most well known Halloween song of all time, The Monster Mash.<br />
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The dance is a basic variation of the Mashed Potato. For those of you under the age of 50 who don’t know how to do the Mashed Potato, allow me to explain the steps.<br />
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You begin with your feet facing inward.<br />
While on the balls of your feet, you rotate them outward, second position with your heels together.<br />
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You repeat this motion twice, then on the third foot rotation, you shift your weight onto your left foot and lift the right foot to your side.<br />
You then repeat these steps but this time you shift your weight to your alternate foot, extending the other leg outward the opposite way.<br />
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To do the Monster Mash, all you have to do is follow these simple steps, all the while raising your arms in a monstrous manner up and down in unison to the beet of the music. If you are in need of a visual reference, here is a splendid little tutorial that shows you the basic steps of the Mashed Potato.<br />
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With this classic move, you are sure to win any dance contest at your local mortuary. It’s like bringing a bazooka to a butterfly hunt.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5W_XxjBLp_bgYMQXlAt4kZZGdS3zERAauABoRvGOrCSyxyACu7YyJQrhNUS0HCHEshBMoaymGrVALPNkRyvJT4zql39CYUoZRCkTmlanXLB8bSPAdT7c42Hehs1KBcnQC7VjCUTQjoshw/s1600/frank.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5W_XxjBLp_bgYMQXlAt4kZZGdS3zERAauABoRvGOrCSyxyACu7YyJQrhNUS0HCHEshBMoaymGrVALPNkRyvJT4zql39CYUoZRCkTmlanXLB8bSPAdT7c42Hehs1KBcnQC7VjCUTQjoshw/s320/frank.jpg" width="250" /></a></div>
***Fun fact; most people like to stick their arms out in this fashion to imitate the Frankenstein Monster. But it originated not from the movie Frankenstein, but the movie Frankenstein Meets The Wolfman. In this film, Bela Lugosi played the monster; not the iconic Boris Karloff. In the previous film to Frankenstein Meets The Wolfman, the Ghost of Frankenstein, The Monster was blinded as a byproduct of a botched up brain transplant. Even though they don’t address it directly, it is heavily implied Lugosi was trying to keep continuity, playing the creature blind by extending his arms out as though he couldn't see. But after this film they hired Glenn Strange to play the monster, who would continue this trend of arms out in the air without playing the monster blind. And they never address it again. I don't mean to be critical of Stange's performance; I love his Frankenstein Monster. There is footage of Strange discussing how he was directed by Karloff himself at moments in House of Frankenstein in order to stay more true to the fan favorite character. But I find it fascinating to see how the creature evolved throughout the years. In the "Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein" DVD, there is a documentary about the making of the movie, where we learn a great deal about Strange's transition from Western actor to Horror Actor. All this information and more is covered in this documentary. Anyway, enough nonsense, time to get back to dancing.<br />
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<br />
<b>9) The Time Warp
by Richard O'Brien</b><br />
<br />
Easily the most well known horror dance craze of all time, the Time Warp has been a fan favorite since it’s creation in 1973. Go ahead and insight a Time Warp at your next party. I bet everyone in the room will join in on your shenanigans.<br />
<br />
Despite the dance’s fame, the origins of The Time Warp are a complete mystery to the world. The most any of us know is it is a dance conceived in the distant galaxy of Transylvania, on the planet Transsexual and is used as a ritualistic “affair” hosted by the late Transylvanian mad scientist, Dr. Frank-N-Furter.<br />
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The steps to the dance are simple, and even spelled out in a very helpful graph by British actor Charles Gray.<br />
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It’s just a jump to the left, then a step to the right with your right foot.<br />
You put your hands on your hips, and tuck your knees in together, making for an awkward squat.<br />
Followed by a pelvic thrust backward and forward three times that will literally drive you insane.<br />
Then, using your hips and knees, you twist your body clockwise as you make a light bounce with your feet and knees.<br />
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<b>10) The Thriller
by Michael Jackson</b><br />
<br />
"Though you try to stay alive your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist the evil of The Thriller."<br />
<br />
The gold, friends. Did you expect anything else? Doubtful. To the majority of folks in this world and the next, this is THE ONLY Halloween dance. Yet very few people know the steps outside of extending their arms and fanning their fingers into claws, swinging them back and forth a couple of times. Let’s not forget that the Thriller was a well organized, well choreographed number that requires a lot of practice. It is for this reason that I myself am not going to teach you how to dance this famous craze. Instead, I will lead you to the real professionals who have spent days, weeks, months and years to perfect their skill at getting down like the dead man himself (Too soon?)<br />
<br />
Ines Markeljevic has created a 40 video tutorial on how to do the whole 6+ minute long dance number. This all sounds so difficult, but believe me when I say the videos are efficient, effective and super easy to learn. With a couple of friends, this is a very fun recreational activity to engage in. You can start with the first video here, and if you go to the youtube page, watch the rest to learn all the steps.<br />
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But that’s not all. Turns out Markeljevic is an activist as well as being a huge Michael Jackson fan. He is responsible for the creation of the charity event/flash mob group Thrilltheworld.com. Under the Thrilltheworld.com bandwagon, Markeljevic plans on breaking the Guinness World Record for the largest group of people performing the Thriller dance at one time this October 26th; the 30th anniversary of the release of Michael Jackson’s Thriller. That’s right folks, they will be holding their special dance number in Toranto Canada. If you are in the area and available, I encourage you all to go check it out and join in on the shenanigans of the undead.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://thrilltheworld.com/">http://thrilltheworld.com/</a><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><u><b>Honorable Mentions </b></u></span><br />
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<b>The Zombie Walk</b> <b>by</b> <b>The Magics</b><br />
<br />
Good
lord is this one obscure! I can’t tell you how hard it was to find
this dance craze, but I did! You die hards can find it on the album
“Doo Wop Halloween Is A Scream” and to tell you the truth, this is one
of my new favorite Halloween Mixes! Every song in this mix is golden.
But I really can’t say the same thing about this song itself. Written
and performed by “The Magics” (Can anyone else find another song these
people made?) This is easily the most difficult and obscure dance number
in this list. I almost didn’t put this song in the list. But it
screamed inclusion, since it was clearly written to be a song and dance craze.
Hell, even the lyrics offer instructions on how to perform The Zombie Walk. But I just can’t make out what the Hell these singers are saying. If
the song was written to teach a dance number, shouldn’t the point be
to understand the instructions they tell you? No one has posted the
lyrics online either. It seems that nobody can understand what The Magics are saying (or maybe nobody cares). So it is up to Uncle Jeffrey to figure out this
conundrum. Well I just about have. So, wanna learn the Zombie
Walk? Let me teach you.<br />
<br />
There’s a brand new dance called the zombie walk<br />
Come on and dance lets start to stalk<br />
Ooooooooooooohhhhh zombie walk<br />
Ooooooooooooohhhhh zombie walk<br />
<br />
First you bend your knees left and right, sit up too<br />
On your toes left heel out right heel too<br />
Now you go up twice, move Turn and 2 Steps back<br />
Then you do the ___ you’re on the right track<br />
<br />
As you can see, I didn't quite make out that last line. It was a chore to decipher the lyrics this much and I still
can't understand what the singers are saying most of the time. If you
happen to have a better interpretation of the lyrics I would love to
hear it. But this is what I believe these mush mouths are
saying...Either way the dance is dumb. So let's just pretend it never
existed. <br />
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<b>Werewolves Of London by Warren Zevon</b><br />
<br />
In
1978, Singer/Songwriter Warren Zevon got together with his crew of
fellow musicians and producers to create a Halloween themed song and
dance number. With copious amounts of alcohol in their systems, they
each wrote a different verse and came up with this classic, iconic dance
number. It is easily one of my favorites of all time and I would put
it much higher on the list if not for the fact that despite being
written by 4 different musicians, not a single one of them remembered to
teach us how to do the dance in question. They just allude to Lon
Chaney and his son performing the dance at one point with The Queen (I
assume of England and not of Scotts). No one else dances The Werewolves
Of London, not even the werewolf in question. All he ever does is look
around SoHo for some Chinese food and get drunk at Trader Vics
(following a very good hair day mind you). Maybe he was the one who got
everybody drunk. He didn't want to share how he performs his dance. Oh
well. Despite that this song doesn’t have a dance craze to go with it,
it is one of the best dance crazes to sing about. And next time you
fimd yourself walking through the streets of SoHo in the rain, look for
that place called Lee Ho Fooks, and get yourself a big dish of Beef Chow
Main. Endorsed by the Werewolves of London themselves. AHOOOOO!
Werewolves of London.<br />
<br />
<b><span style="font-size: small;">Danse Macabre by </span><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="watch-title long-title yt-uix-expander-head" dir="ltr" id="eow-title" title="Danse Macabre Camille Saint-Saëns 1980s cartoon, PBS, Halloween, Music">Camille Saint-Saëns </span></span></b><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: small;"><span class="watch-title long-title yt-uix-expander-head" dir="ltr" id="eow-title" title="Danse Macabre Camille Saint-Saëns 1980s cartoon, PBS, Halloween, Music">This is easily the oldest best kept secret in the horror world of Dance Crazes; Danse Macabre. Written by </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="watch-title long-title yt-uix-expander-head" dir="ltr" id="eow-title" title="Danse Macabre Camille Saint-Saëns 1980s cartoon, PBS, Halloween, Music">Camille Saint-Saëns </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="watch-title long-title yt-uix-expander-head" dir="ltr" id="eow-title" title="Danse Macabre Camille Saint-Saëns 1980s cartoon, PBS, Halloween, Music">in 1874, this classic piece is something to savor with a dark red wine on a late, cold October evening. The reason I did not put this on the main list is, like The Werewolves of London, there isn't one official dance any mortal can perform. The story </span></span><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="watch-title long-title yt-uix-expander-head" dir="ltr" id="eow-title" title="Danse Macabre Camille Saint-Saëns 1980s cartoon, PBS, Halloween, Music">goes every year on All Hallows Eve, Death raises the dead and plays his fiddle. His playing is accompanied by the newly raised corpses who dance the Dance of the Dead (not the Voodoo Walk) until the sun comes up. At which point, they all must return to their graves for a whole other year.</span></span><b><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="watch-title long-title yt-uix-expander-head" dir="ltr" id="eow-title" title="Danse Macabre Camille Saint-Saëns 1980s cartoon, PBS, Halloween, Music"> </span></span></b><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="watch-title long-title yt-uix-expander-head" dir="ltr" id="eow-title" title="Danse Macabre Camille Saint-Saëns 1980s cartoon, PBS, Halloween, Music"> It is an iconic piece that imbues listeners with a sense of reverence, fear and insight. So allow me to cheapen all that with this horribly animated cartoon produced by PBS in 1980. </span></span><br />
<b><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="watch-title long-title yt-uix-expander-head" dir="ltr" id="eow-title" title="Danse Macabre Camille Saint-Saëns 1980s cartoon, PBS, Halloween, Music"><br /></span></span></b>
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<b><span style="font-size: small;"><span class="watch-title long-title yt-uix-expander-head" dir="ltr" id="eow-title" title="Danse Macabre Camille Saint-Saëns 1980s cartoon, PBS, Halloween, Music"><br /></span></span></b>
Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-61954905634573341192013-10-09T13:38:00.003-07:002013-10-12T12:59:46.446-07:00Horror Show Theater Presents, Give A Little WhistleWelcome back to Behind The Closet Door.<br />
<br />
Time at last to present episode 3 of Horror Show Theater titled Give A Little Whistle. This one stars comedian/singer/actor Derrick Blacknall.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/zBwWB8FE2Uc?rel=0" width="420"></iframe>Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-1200011584893215032013-09-25T10:54:00.001-07:002013-09-25T10:56:12.802-07:00Horror Show Theater Presents, Lights OutWelcome back to Behind The Closet Door.<br />
<br />
This week we present to you episode 2 of Horror Show Theater, Lights Out.<br />
<br />
Staring Dukey Flyswatter from the Legendary California band, Haunted Garage. Pleasant dreams. And remember to keep the lights out.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/gMGLFTFLfrI" width="420"></iframe>Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-13726085957817582722013-09-11T10:28:00.000-07:002013-09-11T12:09:53.428-07:00Horror Show Theater Presents, Dumb CatHey Everyone!<br />
<br />
Welcome back to Behind The Closet Door.<br />
<br />
It is that time kiddies. Sepulture productions has just released a brand new horror channel on Youtube and has begun releasing it's horror Anthology Webseries, Horror Show Theater. Each episode will be released every Tuesday Bi-Weekly throughout the Holiday months of 2013.<br />
<br />
The Pilot, Dumb Cat is a quaint and darkly humorous bit of terror, clocking in just under a minute including the credits and the logo (which is awesome looking by the way). The logo animation was created by artist and graphic designer Camden Remington. <br />
<br />
Without further to do, allow me to present to you Episode 1 of Horror Show Theater...<br />
<br />
Dumb Cat.<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/WUtDixlQHHs" width="420"></iframe>Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-35543995752190557912013-08-21T09:06:00.001-07:002013-08-21T12:44:32.187-07:00Top 10 Most Frightening Youtube Videos To Keep You Awake All Night Long<style>
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I know what you are going through right now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your Mom told you to, “Go to bed” and you
aren’t the slightest bit interested in doing a single thing that witch tells
you to do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, that’s what I am here
for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Allow me to help you stay awake,
because I like you a lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also because the
system your Mom has created for you is bogus and you of all people deserve to
do what you want.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So go ahead and party
all night like it’s 1999!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And to help
fight off the sandman from sprinkling those magical dust particles in your eyes,
I have compiled a list of the top 10 most frightening videos on youtube
designed to keep you wide awake all night long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Just remember to turn the lights out before you begin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are they out yet?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Good.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Let’s have some fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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1. Unbelievable Poltergeist Activity</div>
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This video entertains me as it manages to create a tense
scene without turning the lights off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The camera remains stationary throughout as it catches a bunch of spooky
shit happening in this house; all the while those dogs keep wondering what the
hell is going on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some have said this
video is a fake (what else is new) because some point in, the lighting changes
implying a passing of time to create fake ghost effects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I myself question the almost-too-obviously-spooky
choice of music the Poltergeist plays on the radio (seriously, who has a song
like that set up to play on their home entertainment system?).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But despite my doubts of its authenticity, it
still managed to make my spine tingle in a way very few youtube ghost videos
can do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some of the simplest scares are
the most effective after all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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2. Dorm Room Ghost</div>
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This video is especially creepy, as the ghost manifests
itself from the shadows around it and nothing more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Granted, a lot of the mystery behind this
ghost seems to come from the low quality of the camera, but it is tough to just
write off how this spirit just appears and disappears without opening any doors
or using any video effects.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Real or not,
this is one hell of a spooky clip.</div>
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3. The Old Tape</div>
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This is a creepy online horror artifact, first shared on Redit
in April of 2013.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Supposedly it was
recorded off of a radio broadcast by the Redit poster Ravenmouth (the youtube poster
is AD10669sh, presumably the same person) back in 1995 and until 2013, the
recording had been sitting in a desk drawer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It is of creepy ambient noises, followed by an echoed choir of female
voices reading off a list of names and dates.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The trusty diehards of <a href="http://www.godlikeproductions.com/forum1/message2280605/pg1">godlikeproductions.com</a> (link to the discussion) took some time to study up
on some of the names recited in the recording and found they all belong to dead
people and the dates are of their deaths.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But some of the names are of these deceased individual’s next of
kin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The word on the street is The Old
Tape may have your name listed in the recording too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So take a good hard listen when you play this…You
know…If you’re brave enough.</div>
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4. Japanese Ghost</div>
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Few cultures are as creative with their horror as the
Japanese.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This has a lot to do with
their rich, diverse background and belief system, which incorporates a platoon
of supernatural creatures, ghosts, gods and demons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is easy for us to forget that the world we
live in today is manufactured to provide us with more comfort than our
ancestors were able to provide themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But sometimes the old world likes to sneak up on us and shake us out of
our comfort zone as a reminder that the same threats our ancestors had to face
are still relevant today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Such is the
case with this fantastically frightening video, in which a happy group of
individuals are interrupted by a <b><span style="mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Yūrei</span></b>; a tortured spirit
whose body was not put through the proper rights of passing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you had to pick a ghost video to watch to
keep you from falling asleep, this is probably the one you are looking for.</div>
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5. Body of a Pig</div>
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Despite what I just said about the Japanese, don’t write off
the British as just a bunch of tea sipping swootilypoopers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are hardcore with their myths and
legends of ghosts and demons as well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Body
of a Pig messes with your head, as it anthropomorphizes one of the most delicious
creatures in the animal kingdom and makes it a threat to these curious
paranormal investigators.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The EVP
(Electronic Voice Phenomenon) is creepy enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But the money shot is what follows the EVP.</div>
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6. Real Demons Caught on Tape</div>
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Arms, arms everywhere but not a gun to shoot (sorry, it’s
not a creative joke).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whoever made this
video is sick.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I want his
autograph.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seriously, what could be more
frightening than being locked in a room with a million arms reaching out at you
from nowhere?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How about a gaggle of tiny
baby arms grabbing at you from underneath the doorframe, or the doorknob
turning into an eyeball?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or how about a
giant finger monster ready to turn you into tasty tasty finger food?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know, but I do know I practically
crapped my pants the first time I watched this.</div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">7.</b> Real Exorcism
of Annelise Michel</div>
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<object class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/x4n9vK0_mdk/0.jpg" height="266" width="320"><param name="movie" value="http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/x4n9vK0_mdk&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/x4n9vK0_mdk&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object></div>
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All of you know about Exorcisms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If not, I know you’ve at least heard of the
movie The Exorcist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some of you may even
know of at least one of the three not-as-good-or-popular horror films in
similar vain, The Exorcism of Emily Rose, Anneliese: The Exorcist Tapes and
Requiem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those three films were all
inspired by the real case and Exorcism of Annelise Michel, a young Catholic
woman who believed she was possessed by the devil.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In response, her parents secretly organized
an Exorcism for her by two priest which took place over the span of 10 months
and 67 sessions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She died on July 1<sup>st</sup>,
1976 from Dehydration and Malnutrition, among other ailments brought upon by
mistreatment during the Exorcism rights.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The trial of her death received a great deal of press and the
individuals responsible for her death were charged with negligent homicide.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Needless to say it was an all around fail for
those who were responsible for her well-being.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The following is an audio recording of the actual Exorcism taking place,
juxtaposed to photographs of Annelise throughout that last year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If the ghosts and the demons make you scoff,
let the sweet and somber tones of the horned one himself speaking through a dyeing
young woman keep you company as you spend the rest of your night huddled nose
deep beneath your covers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They won’t
protect you of course, but at least you will stay warm when he comes for you.</div>
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8. The Scariest Video You’ve Ever Watched In The Name of
Science</div>
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After all those spooky videos I’d say it is time for a break
from the paranormal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Want to learn how
to fix a transmission tower?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s nothing
scary about that, right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean it’s a
pretty blue collar job working with electricity and metal pipes and
whathaveyou…Oh yeah, and you also have to climb a vertical ladder that can go
up thousands of feet while barely secured to only the most bare bones of
safety equipment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you ever wondered
what it was like to climb a 2,000 foot ladder while dragging over 30 lbs of
equipment dangling from your belt, feeling the wind blow you back and forth,
knowing that just one unpredicted storm cloud or the slightest breeze could knock
you off balance causing you to fall hundreds to thousands of feet to the hard,
unforgiving ground, wonder no more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
look on the bright side; if you fall at least they won’t need to dig a grave
for you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By the time your body hits the
earth, it will surely leave a 6-foot deep crater for your broken bloodied
carcass. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have fun thinking about that as
you sit back, relax, and watch this climb from the safety of a GoPro
camera.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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9. Robert The Doll</div>
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Haven’t got the creeps yet?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Bare with me now, I’m not done yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This video is about one of the most famous haunted artifacts of the 20<sup>th</sup>
century, Robert The Doll.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He is to this
day one of the most nightmare inducing things ever conceived by mankind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Robert the doll was a gift to the 6 year old
Robert Eugene Otto.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His maid, who was
thought to practice voodoo magic, created the doll in the likeness of the young
man himself. You want to know the really scary part? Until his dyeing day, Robert
Eugene Otto really believed his doll was alive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And the people in his life including his wife were legitimately affected
by the supposed mischievous actions of Robert The Doll.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s right folks, paranormal or not, everything
in this video actually happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Pleasant dreams.</div>
<h1>
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">10.</span> <span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; font-weight: normal; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Found Footage Super 8 Reel 8.687687.87: Fragment 7k</span></h1>
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I’ve seen a lot of these “guy with a camera checking out a
lot of nothing until a pair of eyes stare back at him from the darkness”
videos.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I really like this one for a
few reasons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most notably, the idea that
the only thing separating you from whatever is reaching through those cracks is
a flimsy, rotten bathroom door stall.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The youtube poster of this video is <a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/Foundmedia23/videos">Jack Torrance</a> (link in the name), and he has a bunch of
these, “found footage super 8 reel” clips supposedly found in, “10 large boxes
at an estate sale for 5 bucks a box” in Austin, Texas.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If my list wasn’t enough to keep you awake,
then as a bonus I challenge you check out all of the videos on his channel.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Though this one is particularly scary, they
will all aid in keeping you from catching the necessary Z’s for your well deserved
night’s sleep.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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So that’s it folks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
hope my list has kept you thoroughly entertained.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe next time you won’t need inspiration to
keep yourself awake, as these videos provide a sufficient amount of nightmare
fuel for a lifetime. At least so long as you keep the lights out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And remember.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There is nothing in the dark.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So
there is no need to look behind you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Even when you feel that warm, raspy breathe of air on the back of your neck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Whatever you do.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t turn around. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-66493108741079628292013-08-05T16:30:00.002-07:002013-08-05T17:21:19.688-07:00Phantom of the Paradise Review<style>
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All right, all you Phantom-of-the-Opera-fans, it is time to
knock your socks off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You want an
original take on the phantom?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I bet you
didn’t even know you had one. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUhIjBxkSL4LHLSQbucl4FqiYE6mQEXMV6RcPw2feUdXBP5MYqtfCsrYL4vMxAHkTOUrnWN1k0wAmfF5CaA4bhscuClBi6KoWiHENfFjFS1WpfqTdrfvAei5BQ-ero28QeLVvfqXGZGrTq/s1600/PH23.jpg" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUhIjBxkSL4LHLSQbucl4FqiYE6mQEXMV6RcPw2feUdXBP5MYqtfCsrYL4vMxAHkTOUrnWN1k0wAmfF5CaA4bhscuClBi6KoWiHENfFjFS1WpfqTdrfvAei5BQ-ero28QeLVvfqXGZGrTq/s320/PH23.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
Phantom of the Paradise is a film directed by Brian De
Palma, director of Carrie and Mission Impossible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It draws heavily from both the original Phantom
of the Opera novel as well as the infamous legend of Faust.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In this story, Winslow Leech, played by the
late William Finney, is an up and coming composer who is solicited by the great
and powerful record producer, Swan, to produce his album.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But this is only a ruse for Swan to steal
Leech’s music, which he plans on using to open his new Casa de Rock and Roll that
rivals such industry locals as Disneyland, which he calls The Paradise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidwdefIpNzDOpZUpz_6LCS0uD7PFExji-WVfjLIYoHa59p85GYmzvHu-AG7US7YSOVwZqJBqBifjK0ifw2c0XloGYXDzJuho-2nYV1awCTRQdneiokRIErs9qfXJ5iU2pCqvnFeXVSO6tO/s1600/PH5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidwdefIpNzDOpZUpz_6LCS0uD7PFExji-WVfjLIYoHa59p85GYmzvHu-AG7US7YSOVwZqJBqBifjK0ifw2c0XloGYXDzJuho-2nYV1awCTRQdneiokRIErs9qfXJ5iU2pCqvnFeXVSO6tO/s320/PH5.jpg" width="320" /></a>Upon discovering Swan’s plan, Winslow struggles in vain to
get back on the same page with the satanic producer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But each
attempt lands Winslow in even more trouble, such as being kicked out of Swan’s office,
sent to jail, having his teeth removed, having his vocal cords removed and having
his face melted down to silly putty in a record press machine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Humiliated and presumed dead, he stalks the paradise, sabotaging
Swan’s attempts to put on his opening act.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Unfortunately ever the devil, Swan’s not done with Winslow yet, as he plans
to bleed the new phantom’s creativity and steal the woman of his dreams all in
one sinister swoop.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpV29BCPxR9YWihzlbFWwV1lXvnVaItjmnzstLV_NNOBc9O8A6Ro9HDavBinFUa8X0GkSdkvoJ-nDXd9nZSKeBTbVgaP1GbFqyXhJOj5Qi-JV6qlLqGtGwIC-odIVOq1VZlopVa1HH2RmZ/s1600/PH4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpV29BCPxR9YWihzlbFWwV1lXvnVaItjmnzstLV_NNOBc9O8A6Ro9HDavBinFUa8X0GkSdkvoJ-nDXd9nZSKeBTbVgaP1GbFqyXhJOj5Qi-JV6qlLqGtGwIC-odIVOq1VZlopVa1HH2RmZ/s320/PH4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrCq2K63VcTQ-niR-MzAsmtEPm8gUYBNCIwfTWfRhOnM3AywqnFgVHgt6CSrObXuE7WgsXqz0zz2jpSm8Uyr3WfLa8cjBvjwbOX43dPF_6ZOw2TZ7Ceh-_kToSQZnIDSYzr9iKn2NEM2Wd/s1600/PH12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Funny thing this movie, it is filled with tiny
inconsistencies and technical errors but it remains to be one of the most
entertaining indie films of the early 1970s. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Normally, I like picking the bones of these
cult movies clean like a vulture in the Arizona desert.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But this movie is way too much fun. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Partly because of Paul Williams of
course!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That guy from the Muppets who sings about an
old fashioned love song with two clones of himself singing alongside him?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yup, that guy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Apparently this guy plays bad guys very well,
as this is not his only time performing as a villainous character.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You can also see (or rather hear) him as the
murdering, bank robing, son of a bitch Oswald “The Penguin” Cobblepot in the
Batman animated series.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEhjXjpWh6FiiD6MCk-R-g_rXh0x9XApDBf3y2A7xIICqWSJe3eS8ih5O3srKKIY10UC1yebylPMXQ2zyQik-TSQxl55K6noSAXE90B7Ay2jXvH3WSlUAP_Z5MYZokRXZiiZ-Z-bLxX9af/s1600/PH11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEhjXjpWh6FiiD6MCk-R-g_rXh0x9XApDBf3y2A7xIICqWSJe3eS8ih5O3srKKIY10UC1yebylPMXQ2zyQik-TSQxl55K6noSAXE90B7Ay2jXvH3WSlUAP_Z5MYZokRXZiiZ-Z-bLxX9af/s320/PH11.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Mr. De Palma made a wise choice in hiring Paul Williams to
write the music for this movie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s
fun, dark, creepy and hauntingly beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Strange, coming from the man who wrote Rainbow Connection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This brings up a very good point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does anyone remember any original
not-used-for-television-or-film songs written by this guy?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More importantly, why does no one remember
this guy?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s had it all, and even been
the subject of a mildly darkly themed documentary titled, “Paul Williams Still
Alive”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only can he write memorable,
catchy music but also he plays such convincing bad guys.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Look at him, walking into his office with a
million women climbing all over each other just to have a piece of this piggy
bloke, Swan. You know these women are doing this just to get a taste of the
lime light their foster parents went so far out of their way to convince them
they weren’t good enough for.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What a
schmuck. </div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBEz77XSO21ruy8euCL-PpH1TdZTavkM6iNz9q8IYXsZD-k52fDQJokTo4uL5LAQ2f78YvVgMZs6bJ1mWvGenfCNsA8djdWCjadvfwHZZefH6buyvkec72hjLSZfRBZ2kowyFqPMlKO8Mk/s1600/PH14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBEz77XSO21ruy8euCL-PpH1TdZTavkM6iNz9q8IYXsZD-k52fDQJokTo4uL5LAQ2f78YvVgMZs6bJ1mWvGenfCNsA8djdWCjadvfwHZZefH6buyvkec72hjLSZfRBZ2kowyFqPMlKO8Mk/s320/PH14.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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My favorite scene in this movie is when Swan hooks up
Winslow to an electric voice box jerry-rigged to a mixing station.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Winslow plays the piano and sings his bittersweet
song (lovingly entitled “Faust”) as Swan, at the mixing board, works to re-create
Winslow’s true voice.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The progression of
“tuning in” to artificially restore what Winslow no longer has, juxtaposed to
the horrible figure he now is, is eerily beautiful.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This scene also brings up a lot of nostalgic
Frankensteiney imagery such as a mad genius slaving over his machines to put
together his horrible monster.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Classic.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilV02j8_-tjXavPEPn3CxT61yqISiyu4KMwA616x1EnJrKknVK09Cvc2cIPOt7wH76sS4bOCILb8z3kiFtapTmY-uOIIb-zGJ4tWrdhofoXlZ6VhAMohVxgXXAa2NMit4zFX1jdrgI5aAF/s1600/PH9.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilV02j8_-tjXavPEPn3CxT61yqISiyu4KMwA616x1EnJrKknVK09Cvc2cIPOt7wH76sS4bOCILb8z3kiFtapTmY-uOIIb-zGJ4tWrdhofoXlZ6VhAMohVxgXXAa2NMit4zFX1jdrgI5aAF/s320/PH9.png" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just like in the original novel, the Phantom of this film is
not a ghost but actually a talented and misunderstood artist who uses mystique
and theatricality to impose fear and intimidation on his enemies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But unlike in the original novel, Winslow has
an on screen change from your run-of-the-mill musician to the haunting
creature, The Phantom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At first, Winslow
is a pretty approachable guy, albeit with a bit of a temper when
threatened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He flirts, he smiles and he
writes beautiful music that touches fellow performers and tycoons alike.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When he first realizes his music has been
stolen, he attempts to make peace with his antagonist to come to a fair
arrangement for both parties.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the
more Swan pushes him, the more his anger takes over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He even tries to break into Swan’s boudoir
dressed as a woman in hopes of getting Swans attention, only to be beaten up
and framed for possessing illegal drugs, fetching himself a life sentence for
Sing Sing, were horrible medical experiments are implemented on him for God
knows how long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The dark side of
Winslow’s nature seems to dominate his actions for the rest of the movie after
that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He breaks out of prison, dons a
mask and black leather outfit and attacks the various performers who attempt to
bastardize his own music at The Paradise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He is quick to react aggressively when things don’t go the way he
wants.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet Winslow’s passion is easily
manipulated by the evil Swan into making more music in exchange for fame, a new
voice and various narcotics to keep him cranking out them hits!</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTdNy7j-O7ndbRWxg-XLnb6gn6hA4nZLwPTi9_OYLkWRoRGWYHFZ1A5O93NvnAfhVIdqtK9Klkwl2Am4eMBTEeNkBGFzXsLlwPc5PsLuQBnRj58FVz2osGf1Y_FoovT3D41QJYaLZKOqnX/s1600/PH27.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjTdNy7j-O7ndbRWxg-XLnb6gn6hA4nZLwPTi9_OYLkWRoRGWYHFZ1A5O93NvnAfhVIdqtK9Klkwl2Am4eMBTEeNkBGFzXsLlwPc5PsLuQBnRj58FVz2osGf1Y_FoovT3D41QJYaLZKOqnX/s320/PH27.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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This movie is also my second favorite film starring Jessica
Harper.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Try and guess which one is the
first (If you can’t figure it out, I’d find that a little Suspiricious). <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has a girl-next-door plainness about her
that fits well in this movie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is
young and mouse-like with a good singing voice and a lot of stage presence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But outside of her stage presence, she is
your average everyday girl, looks and all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This makes the Winslow character even more down to earth, as he finds this
young woman to be perfect despite her shortcomings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> His standards are just not as corrupt as everyone else. This is the one thing he is able to hold onto throughout the film in order to keep his humanity</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">. </span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn9Wq0p0o4h4YFLbvCAhyphenhyphenhmP7L9qtk6CCZ6g1WPn9t2rzRe5mjq_Ym03zm-WGRpQc9M0tLW9OKqDIkxXpriGhVCvFudrWN9qr4zpe2eQR2ejL3W4mD-zMzlej8pTAbYcdDABZiv9khtHju/s1600/PH25.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn9Wq0p0o4h4YFLbvCAhyphenhyphenhmP7L9qtk6CCZ6g1WPn9t2rzRe5mjq_Ym03zm-WGRpQc9M0tLW9OKqDIkxXpriGhVCvFudrWN9qr4zpe2eQR2ejL3W4mD-zMzlej8pTAbYcdDABZiv9khtHju/s320/PH25.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Lastly, let’s not forget one of the best characters in this
movie; the effeminate, metal prima donna Beef played by Bud the Chud himself,
Gerrit Graham.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When on stage or in front
of a camera, Beef is a nasty grimacing badass with an attitude to match.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But meet him in his changing room and you’ll
find a very different kind of man.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He’s
girly, catty and a tad on the bitchy side for a metal head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His butchering of Winslow’s music is
hilarious, especially coupled with Winslow’s reaction to every note he listens
to Beef belt out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Winslow is flat out
against Beef performing his music, as he only wants the angelic “Phoenix”
(Harper) to sing his songs. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Swan bricks Winslow
into his room to keep him from interrupting Beef’s opening performance of
Winslow’s music.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But just like a Honey badger,
Winslow breaks the wall down and attacks the live performance once more. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFbaHVAf3OEvH0e8reBdw5u3n6QPGthxatWv25oAqM7iJjUoO4vEO0xMXY1cB7JwFyEULva6xokQa5NvcmAJiDuqJWUIxnoqHCdmwvRPnOheBh8kScv9NXUccXJqsvPyH0QRD-ZjhslQBv/s1600/PH26.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiFbaHVAf3OEvH0e8reBdw5u3n6QPGthxatWv25oAqM7iJjUoO4vEO0xMXY1cB7JwFyEULva6xokQa5NvcmAJiDuqJWUIxnoqHCdmwvRPnOheBh8kScv9NXUccXJqsvPyH0QRD-ZjhslQBv/s320/PH26.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This movie was panned at its initial release, mostly due to
a mishandled marketing campaign and a great deal of confusion from the audience
about what type of movie this was<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
since the late 70’s, it has built a rather impressive fan base.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In 2005 and 2006 in Winnipeg, The Convention Phantompalooza
was held to honor the film, consisting of a reunion of most of the surviving
cast followed by a concert from Paul Williams.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When William Finley died in April 2012, indiewire wrote a wonderful
piece on his career as an actor, most notably his involvement in Phantom of the
Paradise (link to article right <a href="http://blogs.indiewire.com/theplaylist/in-memory-of-star-william-finley-1942-2012-5-things-you-might-not-know-about-phantom-of-the-paradise-20120416">here</a>).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It seems that even though this film was forgotten almost as soon as it
was made, time has treated it with great reverence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It continues to rope in newer, fresher
audiences who hunger for the lost gems of indie Hollywood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do something nice for yourself and take a
moment to check this one out with your friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I promise you will get a lot out of it.</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1EAOcQqwq4D16UgQ3PKLAx1ShSZ7alOb-sYglvSQAgTg3HWF_nEd9GDbf1HLx4FAXYedQWQi696ddpmAup-FmaonrDYYpHYkA87YESVx3et_hCAs2L8GhNQv5BQJLF4v6qwpkeD9ZHsen/s1600/PH1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1EAOcQqwq4D16UgQ3PKLAx1ShSZ7alOb-sYglvSQAgTg3HWF_nEd9GDbf1HLx4FAXYedQWQi696ddpmAup-FmaonrDYYpHYkA87YESVx3et_hCAs2L8GhNQv5BQJLF4v6qwpkeD9ZHsen/s320/PH1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-36016273658622617342013-07-30T08:56:00.002-07:002013-08-05T16:36:53.778-07:005 Youtube Channels Probably Run By The Insane<br />
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">It is said the internet is a never ending cesspool of mystery.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the concept that the “Internet has no
end” is fairly new.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn't long ago that no amount of DOS prompt or
surfing would uncover anything exciting outside of the Ultimate Showdown and a
very gay Spiderman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But screw that; it's
2013 now. The net is chock full of content to waste your valuable little lives on.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">The internet is the world's microphone; it is so easy for anyone to get up and speak when the whole world is tuned in to listen. With the digital generation currently taking over, everyone wants the opportunity to share their thoughts and creativity. The best part is the anonymity. You don't have to share your identity if you want to say or do something completely whacked online. Which if you think about it can be pretty creepy, as some of these speakers could be really touched in the head. Just like Lewis and Clark, Uncle Jeffrey has patrolled one of the most popular mediums of expression, Youtube, and has come up with some of the craziest speakers out there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Without further ado, Allow me to share with you </span>my top
5 favorite Youtube channels probably run by the insane.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">5.
ShayeSaintJohn</span></div>
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<object class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/NtSgWZbL_kE/0.jpg" height="266" width="320"><param name="movie" value="http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/NtSgWZbL_kE&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/NtSgWZbL_kE&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">ShayeSaintJohn
has been an Internet personality for years and is an expert in the field of
whatthefuckology.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But you would be lying
to yourself if you didn’t admit to having even the slightest tingle creep down
your spine when first popping your ShayeSaintJohn cherry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Every one of his videos is a combination of
the bizarre and the macabre (just like me) and yet, like a good ol’ train
wreck, you just can’t look away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has
in his repertoire a creepy arm gimmick, which makes his arm look like it can
float away from his body.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A simple
illusion to be sure, but an effective one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I highly recommend keeping your eyes open for the next of this man’s
videos.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He may be insane, but he is a
lot of fun being it.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">4.
Adolfo Mateo</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<object class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/V_o3fHKOgg0/0.jpg" height="266" width="320"><param name="movie" value="http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/V_o3fHKOgg0&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/V_o3fHKOgg0&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This
man, on the other hand, is no fun at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He just sits there smoking his pipe all day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But he films himself and posts it to youtube,
so you can have a smoking buddy when you don’t have any real friends to smoke
with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No, really, His videos are just of
him smoking his old pipe wearing slightly different outfits in each video,
grumbling inaudibly the whole time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
he’s posted over two thousand videos of just that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is little to no rewatch value; after
seeing the first five seconds of one, you’ve seen them all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But just like the little engine that could,
he keeps on posting his bizarre smoking videos.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And I commend him for it, as should you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Here’s to you Adolfo Mateo, the world wheezes an anticipated and smoke
filled gasp of excitement for your next youtube production.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">3.
Nasajim108</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<object class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://img.youtube.com/vi/sDeA1_mKffY/0.jpg" height="266" width="320"><param name="movie" value="http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/sDeA1_mKffY&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://youtube.googleapis.com/v/sDeA1_mKffY&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true"></embed></object></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Have
you got a spare tin hat handy?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You may
want to put it on after taking a gander at what this man has to show you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If he is a man at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">In
July of 2008, Nasajim108 uploaded the first of many creepy videos, asserting to
expose the truth about the Illuminati and the government’s involvement with
extraterrestrials.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He claims to be a
dyeing former NASA employee who has met with the Alien Greys while on the
job.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>According to nasajim108, there is a
highly intelligent subterranean species of aliens living on Mars right now that
are tied deeply into the doings of the government.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He
likens his channel to a digital deathbed confession, shedding light on the
sinister agenda of the government and the aliens that inhabit the White
House.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In his videos, he shares an audio
recording of an alien, a hypnotic tool used to probe the sleeping mind of a
human, and lots of other weird extraterrestrial things that leave you
scratching your head in disbelief.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Nasajim108 is not first ex government employee to preach the existence
of aliens and I doubt he will be the last.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But is his particular message of death and horror from beyond the stars
legit?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or is he just a troll looking to
play with innocent dopes that stumble across his channel?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The world may never know.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">2.
Alantutorial</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/VOnEwFuUwOo?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Probably
my favorite channel on this list is Alantutorial.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Alan is a simple man who only wishes to teach
you neat life hacks through a series of video tutorials on youtube.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At heart, Alan is a lover of his fellow man
and a helper of the bored and bewildered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But he is also completely out of his mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>None of Alan’s tutorials have ever taught how
to do anything.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are all bizarre and
some of them very creepy to watch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t
believe me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Take a gander at his video,
“How To Make A Double Barrel WWII Italian Fighter Plane Origami Paper
Art”.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Besides the fact that he doesn’t
go beyond folding the sheet of paper in half, the entire time a mysterious and
ominous knocking coming from the front door keeps interrupting him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Despite his attempts to call out to the
individual on the other side, there is never a response, just more
knocking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not to say Alan is ever able
to concentrate when there isn’t a mysterious knocking at his front door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In his video on how to pick up a blue chair
off the ground, he struggles to keep his composure since he is balling his eyes
out and doesn't even accomplish the simple task of lifting a chair off the
ground. There is even evidence that Alan is a murderer. In his
video "AlanVideo.mp4 Tutorial", he walks around the street with blood
on his hands and with his camera, shows a giant splash of blood on the pavement
next to a jagged rock. Since his last video on “How To Change”, in which
he lights a chair on fire and chops away at it with an axe, he has stopped
making his famous tutorials and presumably died from forth degree burns or
disappeared to a higher plane of existence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>However, die-hard fans continue to hope and pray for his sweet, unholy
return.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For this man is not a man, he is
a god; a god of tutorials.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And we all
anxiously wait for his resurrection.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">1.
The Molly Holly Stalker</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/WjWhVv3xuW0?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This
individual does not have just one youtube channel; he has many.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He also has a website and a twitter page all
dedicated to defacing the good name of WWE wrestler Nora “Molly Holly”
Greenwald.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I don’t actually know
if this guy is only one guy, nor do I know if he is even a guy at all, but
whoever is posting these videos is holding some serious hate for the young female
wrestler and her current husband, whom he constantly refers to as a drug dealer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Each channel has at least one video but they are all filled with anger
induced drivel accusing Molly Holly of everything from lying about her
virginity to being an all around terrible person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What makes these videos so crazy is that no
one is talking about them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One of the
videos depicts a man with a giant collection of Molly Holly action figures,
throwing them in the dumpster (along with what I assume is a sports bra of
Molly Holly’s) with a threatening caption saying how she messed with the wrong
person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This man got it all on film,
put it online and no one is addressing how creepy this is?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It makes me wonder if anyone ever tried to
address it before and was quietly taken out to the back of the woodshed for
disposal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I tell you, after watching a
good portion of these videos; I sure would hate to be Molly Holly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nor would I want to be the dumb
schmuck who tries to call attention to this obviously insane person…wait…shit…</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Here
is a quote taken from the website: <a href="http://www.knowthetruthng.com/">http://www.knowthetruthng.com/</a></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“</span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Fun facts about Nora Greenwald: 1. She
lied about being a virgin. 2. She screwed people out of charity donations that
went to her pocket "in the name of christ" (ask the donators). 3. She
sabotaged Malia Hosaka's career. 4. She's anorexic and broke these days with a
pill habit and tried to sell her used underwear for cash. 5. A Dr. diagnosed
her as a pathological lying sociopath. 6. She associates with low lifes
including her husband who robbed a church. *So much for sweet innocent Molly
Holly.*"</span><span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Here
are some of the youtube channels made to slander this woman…there are
definitely more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Give them a watch and
relish in the insanity of it all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">NoragreenwaldSCAMMER</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Mollyhollygreenwald</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Noragreenwaldisacunt</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">MollyHollyFRAUD</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">norabenshoof</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">mollyhollynorawwe</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">mollyhollyCRACKWHORE</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">noragreenwaldCULTIST</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Rawkatty</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Bolescreekwrestling</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">thestandardMS</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">jackthaddeusisGOD</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">ChrisBenoitMurders07</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">DrJaniceWheeler</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">MrJackThaddeus</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Eugenebenshoof</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">ChriMurderer
Benoit</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Therealclydecash</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">07ChrisBenoitMURDERS</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">TeenChallengeCULT</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">ForestLakeAlerts</span></div>
Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-73985711300440320992012-10-11T15:38:00.003-07:002012-10-11T15:57:16.670-07:00<style>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS8UOxqAjq7w2eUHpP24Svb1X1-90fbQJDhe4d54XElq39eYFNR8HZsrEVKt3EDRF40Y7qXzW5e1uLpW8DDCDHu02LtC6JQTf4P2jZLVvVsBOYqS0hiVryddbBux2DQfitNGgcpXSnf12_/s1600/5132487_orig.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgS8UOxqAjq7w2eUHpP24Svb1X1-90fbQJDhe4d54XElq39eYFNR8HZsrEVKt3EDRF40Y7qXzW5e1uLpW8DDCDHu02LtC6JQTf4P2jZLVvVsBOYqS0hiVryddbBux2DQfitNGgcpXSnf12_/s400/5132487_orig.jpg" width="308" /></a></div>
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Hey Kiddies,</div>
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I hope you all remember last year and my attempt to host
Shockfest Film Festival in Hollywood CA.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I figured now is as good a time as any to let you all know that this
year, Shockfest will be managed by little old moi. As such, allow me to whore
it out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t fret friends, pretty soon
I will be getting back to traditional blogs and even a webseries, which I think
you will all love.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It will depict my
exploits tormenting the Grove Family, whose closet I happen to be haunting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a brand new spin on the whole “Horror
Host” craze and I look forward to sharing with you details.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But for now, it’s time for some
Shockfest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Shockfest is running on its 7<sup>th</sup> year and it will
be hosted at <a href="http://www.raleighstudios.com/">Raleigh Studios</a> in Hollywood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>This year is a special one indeed, as it will be a film festival, a
zombie walk, a mini convention and a haunted house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It will take place on November 16<sup>th</sup>
– 18<sup>th</sup> and they have a wonderful selection of films to premiere, as
well as two different themes on Friday and Saturday night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Opening night (Friday) they will create a Silver Screen/Golden Age Horror Hollywood ambiance, reminiscent of the 1950s. This will include magicians entertaining guests, gothic and haunting ambiance and a classy red carpet. Shockfest has been known in the past for its grungy and 80's indie drive-through environment and Saturday, they will be going back to this familiar theme, with monsters and horrible butchers walking around the outside of the festival. They will have tables and booths for vendors, authors, actors and film makers to sell their wares and/or autographs to the public. Saturday is the opening of the Haunted Attraction, which will be a hallway of fear for those brave enough to enter. Last year this Haunted Attraction brought the house down and I am glad to say it is not only being revived, but remodeled.</div>
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“But Jeffrey”, you may be asking, “How do I get tickets to
such an event of magnificent proportions?”<br />
<br />
Well, all you have to do is follow this link (<a href="http://shockfest2012.eventbrite.com/#">http://shockfest2012.eventbrite.com/#</a>) and by typing in the promotional code, "Matt" (I was given this code by Matt Rosvally, my delicious human boss, who has given me permission to publicize this code to you all) and you get a %25 discount on any and all tickets. As I said, this is fine and encouraged to publicized, so take advantage now, my lovelies.<br />
<br />
Matt = Promotional Code </div>
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So what are you waiting for?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Check out the website at (<a href="http://www.shockfilmfest.com/">http://www.shockfilmfest.com/</a>)
for updates on who to expect at the event, what movies are being premiered and
hints at what surprises are in store and buy a ticket today!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Go on…click the eventbrite link.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I dare you…Alright, don’t do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>See if I care.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ll just be here…Alone…Sitting in your
closet…Waiting…For you to go to sleep…</div>
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Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-25047521140468647392012-06-27T15:52:00.001-07:002012-06-27T18:58:20.209-07:00Prince of Darkness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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“He wears disguises, but his ends are single and lie in only
one direction, double faced but never double-minded, never undecided, never
vague or feeble in his purposes or ends.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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~Edward M. Bounds, on The Devil <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgB3vuE8bjiyHkpgVGvIX8-YpvjEhudwu5jcU7YJoUTR6CsbwGSJAoW0CNyq_IhBCB29zgE50JCasrKu4Tjn3jbPJ_UOEvpwBtY-E9mV55UY3iH6UMgiVM_FZBzmBr7iyPgt6DC4xI7TMx/s1600/Paradise.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgB3vuE8bjiyHkpgVGvIX8-YpvjEhudwu5jcU7YJoUTR6CsbwGSJAoW0CNyq_IhBCB29zgE50JCasrKu4Tjn3jbPJ_UOEvpwBtY-E9mV55UY3iH6UMgiVM_FZBzmBr7iyPgt6DC4xI7TMx/s320/Paradise.jpeg" width="258" /></a></div>
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
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Looking for something diabolic? Look no further. Prince of Darkness is a lovely little pocket-sized
biography on the Horned One. It uses
excerpts from the bible to break down the history, personality, and motivations
of everyone’s favorite red headed Lucy (…No, not the dead one!) Though Prince of
Darkness is nowhere near as in depth as Jeffrey Burton Russell’s
Mephistopheles: The Devil in the Modern World, don’t be fooled. Elwood pulls
all the stops, sticking his best finger into the Devil’s brain, picking it tenderly
like a fresh batch of blueberries. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUdwzSOzlNRFwNmyXfAysxKc4eBBdTh65G3QwGZxUxundhKogGfHor7uR3nkQ5SAWMVEMOi9ll7mwIQEZvpKbsosLUtGGaiM0QwlQ5V7EbdoUmqzKK4bvctjO97RSuOtvKNAVBeLrGSgJH/s1600/Lucille_BalAcademy_Awards.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="218" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUdwzSOzlNRFwNmyXfAysxKc4eBBdTh65G3QwGZxUxundhKogGfHor7uR3nkQ5SAWMVEMOi9ll7mwIQEZvpKbsosLUtGGaiM0QwlQ5V7EbdoUmqzKK4bvctjO97RSuOtvKNAVBeLrGSgJH/s320/Lucille_BalAcademy_Awards.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">That's right Lucille, you win that academy award. It's not like I am jealous, or anything.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj7YQcnfB5To-R_2WOmph4Iu1dmOGN2cL_Y5pHmpITcZF2jlhUpRIZCxPjXwedlrr8jINrF8BYle0dilpOKVMxZogbp8dcXKuQT1_bZ8GAHF1h0Pu_GscBv4RhNBdv3U4exlQKe8gR3jyK/s1600/Satan1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgj7YQcnfB5To-R_2WOmph4Iu1dmOGN2cL_Y5pHmpITcZF2jlhUpRIZCxPjXwedlrr8jINrF8BYle0dilpOKVMxZogbp8dcXKuQT1_bZ8GAHF1h0Pu_GscBv4RhNBdv3U4exlQKe8gR3jyK/s320/Satan1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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There are lots of fun little tidbits of information here in
this book. For example, Elwood spells
out the nature of the serpent that exposed Adam and Eve to their favorite dish,
the forbidden fruit. Many consider this
serprent to be Satan himself (after all, Adam and Eve were the first human
sinners, but Satan was the first sinner of the Angelic Plane). But just like the Native American folklore,
where the Owl was a victim of his own vanity (the Owl's form is the opposite of what he wished it to be), so was the Snake in Christian
folklore. According to the Bible, snakes were once beautiful
creatures, but the snake was cursed to crawl on his belly for his sin of
convincing Adam and Eve how juicy those apples tasted. It's the tidbits like this that make this book so interesting. <o:p></o:p></div>
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But I suppose if I had to nit pick, since the book is an
easy to read interpretation and analysis of Bible quotes, there’s a level of
preachiness in the air as you read it. I
suppose I didn’t know what to expect when I first picked it up. But I think it would have been more fun to incorporate
analysis of other writings and interpretations of The Devil, like from Paradise
Lost, Dante’s Inferno, and dare I say Neil Gaiman’s Sandman Graphic Novel? (ok,
maybe not that one, it was written after this book was. But you get what I mean). It would have given a lot more depth to the
subject, for sure. After all, the many
authors of the bible (the ones “God” spoke through, for you Christ-fags) aren’t
the only ones who have something to say about the Devil’s Character. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX8Bjz1iY_eHMxpicesjTPfytJDp_Svbq_S6E5_Mg5cl9Epn8NF039gNtjznjEeNnH-oC5W5uHgTpiUT4oVgQrELnhnjJiK3_7drMtzETr-P3mdqp72GoNMgA6RlTQSxbly2R1gGg0eKKE/s1600/Inferno.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="254" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgX8Bjz1iY_eHMxpicesjTPfytJDp_Svbq_S6E5_Mg5cl9Epn8NF039gNtjznjEeNnH-oC5W5uHgTpiUT4oVgQrELnhnjJiK3_7drMtzETr-P3mdqp72GoNMgA6RlTQSxbly2R1gGg0eKKE/s320/Inferno.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The artwork in this book is one of the highest selling
factors for me. Pages are filled cover
to cover with the biblical artwork of famous French artist, Gustave Dore. Some of his more familiar scenes represented
in this book are Dore’s depictions of both Paradise Lost and Dante’s
Inferno. My favorite has always been the
piece with Dante and Virgil looking over the 9<sup>th</sup> circle of Hell,
dwarfed by the overwhelming size of Satan, beating his mighty wings. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My copy of the book comes with a golden strap, which offers
a quick biography on both the author and Mr. Dores. The book also has a box to keep the cover
from getting dirty. Apparently, it was
once sold for 3.95, but of course inflation is a factor here in purchasing a
copy now. Just google it, I’m sure
you’ll find it for an affordable price.
I myself have seen it from under ten dollars to hundreds of
dollars. Just ignore those pretentious
twats that choose to sell a tiny book for ridiculous prices. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIS_ITafYiciB8fYR8F_M_mIpNHKO3OMaQ0AIBVVdNjp-Ax8MyQbuXmMdulQ_VgcrrPRpbJNWrO3-glbFmM_QHAsY-Fs3mYi6fT3ABphbMeBGu7fjkdtd5yYss07xSl13-a5tONEwHGNBz/s1600/satan2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjIS_ITafYiciB8fYR8F_M_mIpNHKO3OMaQ0AIBVVdNjp-Ax8MyQbuXmMdulQ_VgcrrPRpbJNWrO3-glbFmM_QHAsY-Fs3mYi6fT3ABphbMeBGu7fjkdtd5yYss07xSl13-a5tONEwHGNBz/s320/satan2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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This book is not the classic "occult piece" it is made out to be on the internet. There is nothing here to learn about the dark arts, nor is there anything all that bold, besides a good old fashion Christian Bible lesson. But if you wish to read a fun and concentrated piece on the Bible's interpretation of Satan, this is the book for you. </div>
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Don't Panic! If you'd like to learn a little more about the dark arts, keep your peepers pealed, kiddies. There's much on the docket. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX_0Cifgfz8JH1kewxsQpOQNylBQYouBhEww83ZiqlrIVFX3um9d7isFKDXy3PlqOWftmjmBfdiyDcB9cU2VYSmSPUQBeB5vMCSIga3OkhDymD7XlLy3ZZWx-_0O-7cS39wk5VwHWnSqTT/s1600/Prince.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX_0Cifgfz8JH1kewxsQpOQNylBQYouBhEww83ZiqlrIVFX3um9d7isFKDXy3PlqOWftmjmBfdiyDcB9cU2VYSmSPUQBeB5vMCSIga3OkhDymD7XlLy3ZZWx-_0O-7cS39wk5VwHWnSqTT/s320/Prince.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<br /></div>Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-51107042599516763702012-06-20T13:20:00.000-07:002012-06-20T13:26:58.009-07:00The Night Flyer Review<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-A6EXTs_CowNNL6_RtfWfIPQe5iCqm0kLHZ6VpAQVANLVxSZhZl9tn8_dXbhzjOif5EaiDOfXfp1cEVR36918SBcahyphenhyphendgwx-mOpHtRnRNEjWQpdERmJqsdypfIPAZ22JmLKGQ3Q6PPhu8/s1600/nightflyer10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-A6EXTs_CowNNL6_RtfWfIPQe5iCqm0kLHZ6VpAQVANLVxSZhZl9tn8_dXbhzjOif5EaiDOfXfp1cEVR36918SBcahyphenhyphendgwx-mOpHtRnRNEjWQpdERmJqsdypfIPAZ22JmLKGQ3Q6PPhu8/s400/nightflyer10.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Don’t believe what they say in the tabloids. Unless everything they say is absolutely
true. <o:p></o:p></div>
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A few things stuck out at me while watching this movie. One, it’s pretty funny. Two, it has a pretty groovy monster. And three, nobody seems to remember this
movie exists. Funny, because I
actually legitimately remember a time (less than ten years ago actually) when
this movie lined the DVD shelves of Saturday Matinees and FYEs at your local
Mall.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I know because I watch you when you go out shopping…don’t
ask why, it’s a monster thing. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKV7WLkVkBMZFLOG8naGczjTgV1wAML-Fu8IqkkcGH6G79h5RzBLefILbtR7gikmu5MGwry-W1DQzRk41JMUOU6rs619ckCubC9fMb1jV7tFKCfUyKCaw2OLKi3eq4FWmETWh7V1fa14ii/s1600/NightFlyer6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjKV7WLkVkBMZFLOG8naGczjTgV1wAML-Fu8IqkkcGH6G79h5RzBLefILbtR7gikmu5MGwry-W1DQzRk41JMUOU6rs619ckCubC9fMb1jV7tFKCfUyKCaw2OLKi3eq4FWmETWh7V1fa14ii/s320/NightFlyer6.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The Night Flyer is a 1997 HBO film adaptation of a Stephen
King short story, written for the anthology book “Prime Evil”. The movie stars human actor Miguel Ferrer as Richard
Dees, a jaded tabloid reporter who works for the “Inside View” (you King fans
should get the reference). Dees travels
across New England reporting on the murders of a serial killer called “the
Night Flyer” in his articles. Dees calls
him The Night Flyer because he travels by night in a private plain, draining
the blood of those unlucky enough to cross his path. But just like a good King story should, it
delves deep into the supernatural, as we learn that the Night Flyer is in fact
a horrible vampire, and an ugly one at that.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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But before I get ahead of myself, let me discuss the many
aspects of this movie that falls flat.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrLOxK95PLquV-UX1eMFOoBEDiBwiFxlZG2DMal7LqRIyat1sUkM6KHVy5qwDL8syk8MeKXV9bniodKyHka8vETTqpQRnHiWCtdd7tU8YmpGmKx6FTt7bFaP62l2Yq6s8paKwJWTxIVozi/s1600/nightflyer7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrLOxK95PLquV-UX1eMFOoBEDiBwiFxlZG2DMal7LqRIyat1sUkM6KHVy5qwDL8syk8MeKXV9bniodKyHka8vETTqpQRnHiWCtdd7tU8YmpGmKx6FTt7bFaP62l2Yq6s8paKwJWTxIVozi/s320/nightflyer7.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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This film leaves much to be desired. First off, the vampire is named Dwight
Renfield. Really? Dwight Renfield? Even people who haven’t read Bram Stoker’s
Dracula and don’t know who Dwight Frye was still find this name to be really
fishy. It doesn’t help that Dees explains
why the name is stupid within the first twenty minutes of the movie. For the three of you out there who don’t know,
Dwight Renfield is a fakey combination name of Dwight Frye, who played the
character of Renfield, Dracula’s servant in the 1929 Universal film Dracula
starring Bela Lugosi. Some of you may
say that the ambiguous name was meant to show the vampire has such great
psychic power that he doesn’t have to try to hide his identity from the police. But then how come the good people at the
Inside View recognize the coinciding murders that happen around the man’s
appearances along the east coast? <o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMzecmZnT1iitmpRM5qa2M8-wmJWA62NskXz_4zD7RKp5chLUsHlPMM-Gshgee5LU8t1pofi58h3k3NIezaipbvNLM01ITBEVwBsmM1ZlaCFtQnlx1EJUpJzM0Ne6s5Bj6ympAEzIfKLHd/s1600/nightflyer13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMzecmZnT1iitmpRM5qa2M8-wmJWA62NskXz_4zD7RKp5chLUsHlPMM-Gshgee5LU8t1pofi58h3k3NIezaipbvNLM01ITBEVwBsmM1ZlaCFtQnlx1EJUpJzM0Ne6s5Bj6ympAEzIfKLHd/s320/nightflyer13.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Another thing that bothered me about this movie is
ironically one of my favorite parts; the makeup. While at full strength, Dwight Renfield takes
the form of a long black haired man. But
he is really an ugly, bat like vampire with a wide gaping mouth and sharp “rail
road spike” teeth (but to tell you the truth, he always looked a bit like a cheetah to me). I was very happy with
this interpretation. I am of the school
of thought that vampires are strongest when portrayed as monsters, not super
powered romantics. True, there are more
than enough examples of well-written vampires taking on romantic roles. But this interpretation has become so over
used in film, television and literature that seeing anything break that over
done mold, even slightly, is a refreshing enough change. However, there are definitely shots where the
makeup looked way too much like a latex mask and pair of gloves purchased at a
Halloween store. If they only lit those
hands darker, it would have covered this up better. On the other hand, at least the monster wasn’t
a CGI vampire. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Trusty Snuff box...Make my life tolerable. </i></td></tr>
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It may also be a little lame that you don’t actually see the
monster until the end. I would say this
is a good thing, because it adds suspense and makes the vampire more
mysterious. But he barely shows up at
all, except for flashbacks. I know the
focus is really on the struggle between the Inside View reporters and the
satirical drama built around the character’s competitive nature. However, I don’t find it uncalled for to
expect a few more scenes directly involving the monster and the protagonist/s. It would have raised the stakes a whole lot
more.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9xBoZEsV99V-vpcYEocJoNXHRnFGdLR5XSi_bKT8e6WePbVDIjZmxfqFk7mh5ILSUE3mlyL8qUeXYhukCsSbeY-qMuiy0Rbvy2B8gwRX4tx5Eq-IjtKfWRlcvSqsYiOHnz9Q0rU8Hbqw1/s1600/nightflyer9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9xBoZEsV99V-vpcYEocJoNXHRnFGdLR5XSi_bKT8e6WePbVDIjZmxfqFk7mh5ILSUE3mlyL8qUeXYhukCsSbeY-qMuiy0Rbvy2B8gwRX4tx5Eq-IjtKfWRlcvSqsYiOHnz9Q0rU8Hbqw1/s320/nightflyer9.jpg" width="320" /></a>The ending also leaves you asking a lot of questions. It comes dangerously close to an intelligent
metaphorical climax, but just barely falls flat in the logic department. It’s not the worst ending I have ever seen,
but it’s not an incredibly satisfying one either. <o:p></o:p></div>
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You will also find that some of the dialogue is pretty stupid. <br />
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“He was wearing a big cloak red as a fire
engine inside black as a woodchuck’s asshole outside and when it spread out
behind him it looked like a god damn bat’s wing it did.” <o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Looks like a fucking cloak to me...asshole.</i></td></tr>
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You know from the bottom of your bleeding heart this movie was circa 1999 when you hear THIS come out of somebodies' lips. “Somehow she tapped into a network of local law enforcement
agencies with that computer of hers.” She couldn't have just typed it into google. No, it's a magic fucking box! </div>
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That’s enough shooting the shit, now let’s suck this movie
off. I love it’s use of dark comedy to satirize
the news and tabloid industry, painting everyone involved as a social
bloodsucking parasite constantly looking for the new hot story to make more
money with, screw the victims. Merton
Morrison, played by Dan Monahan from Porky’s fame, is the head of the Inside
View and every time he enters a scene you are guaranteed some good old screwed
up shenanigans. My favorite scene with
him is when he is talking to Dees over the phone, and blabs about how he hopes
the Night Flyer kills more people, since it would aid in selling more
papers. And when Dees reports back that
he will not have the story done as soon as Morrison would like, Morrison
instigates his newest rookie reporter Katherine Blair, played by Julie Entwisle
to compete with Dees by finishing the article before him. What a schmuck. But Morrison isn’t the only bad guy; all these
characters are a bunch of assholes. Which
is interesting, since their actions still come off as fairly believable. Within the first five minutes, Dees runs
through the office of the Inside View, screaming in frustration that Morrison
cut a photograph from the front page that he took of a dead infant. This really shows you the kind of protagonist
we are in for to ride this movie with.
He’s an insufferable prick who uses people to climb to the top. But his motives are logical and self
preserving. He’s had a long career of
tabloid writing to become this desensitized after all. It doesn’t help that he’s even seen fellow
reporters kill themselves, unable to cope with the harsh realities of the stories
they report. Without this great distance
Dees puts between himself and his job, he probably wouldn’t have been in the
game so long. But on the other hand, if he
only quit the reporting business long ago, he would not have met his horrifying
and tragic end.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>You wormy mother fucker.</i></td></tr>
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All in all, I like this movie. Though it has its share of bugs you'll have to look past, it still manages to entertain.
If you give it a look, you may be surprised at what you find. It sure as hell isn’t the worst Stephen King
adaption I’ve ever seen.<o:p></o:p></div>
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FYI, keep your eyes open for a million references to other Stephen King stories. You know how much he loves to create a single world for all his horrors to occupy.</div>
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<br /></div>Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-38408979860043737242012-02-14T09:01:00.000-08:002012-02-14T09:06:15.719-08:00My Bloody Valentine Review<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4eI_O2_H5e995ICPiifQfJMLlkYMs-XVPoGUUMZ59dOfMAapR90jK4Jctvj9lvQpbHAh9oiplm98gtu2D8cBErmIN6dqoc9Go8z0CSdjSY3UQaqFTBx6GBSgRjmUGQJ7adlNkscq5qOHe/s1600/BV5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4eI_O2_H5e995ICPiifQfJMLlkYMs-XVPoGUUMZ59dOfMAapR90jK4Jctvj9lvQpbHAh9oiplm98gtu2D8cBErmIN6dqoc9Go8z0CSdjSY3UQaqFTBx6GBSgRjmUGQJ7adlNkscq5qOHe/s400/BV5.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Happy Heart Day Humans. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBh-1dM5M_vjZ53fLRdkYJYa24UTfDPPXaETmiqtsQox7e_29VFy5s0FRjziIL5YlGTxmEWNlGyZA_CDNl1F6IaQbD7NP1IX5e8gteKncSuGoXRnzF6K8J54qvaXubjQo0Igwt4_kNs9tV/s1600/BV1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBh-1dM5M_vjZ53fLRdkYJYa24UTfDPPXaETmiqtsQox7e_29VFy5s0FRjziIL5YlGTxmEWNlGyZA_CDNl1F6IaQbD7NP1IX5e8gteKncSuGoXRnzF6K8J54qvaXubjQo0Igwt4_kNs9tV/s320/BV1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">I gotta admit…I have been dreading writing this review. I know how much of you love this movie, but for years every time I sat down to watch it I liked it a little less. The pacing in the first half is slow, the killer isn’t that frightening or interesting looking (I mean, seriously, he is a miner in a gas mask) and the characters are unforgivably stupid. But before you pull out your torches and pitchforks, let me just say that I recently popped in the legendary uncut version and it’s actually much better. The special effects are awesome! In a time where the innovation of making the innards of humans look real thrived, it confuses me how for almost three decades, the literal “meat” of this movie was buried under a pile of celluloid and the dreams of a begrudged director. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE3IMomvJe4EZtcbPL471gWfMpNsTQ5aKPsNGbVlofvH-WecX1P4W3p2TD74MFbNbDhD5CPd13dNmglNsMMbf2I5NFqb3H0AzZ8KDNCjIivgg3UfUodeadjM1VYQ2Tw-1Em9KbefE8ikpp/s1600/BV6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE3IMomvJe4EZtcbPL471gWfMpNsTQ5aKPsNGbVlofvH-WecX1P4W3p2TD74MFbNbDhD5CPd13dNmglNsMMbf2I5NFqb3H0AzZ8KDNCjIivgg3UfUodeadjM1VYQ2Tw-1Em9KbefE8ikpp/s320/BV6.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">The backwater mining town of Valentine Bluffs is under the murderous siege of Harry Warden, a gas masked pickaxe wielding heart ripping murderer who hates Valentine’s Day. You see, back in the early 60’s, Harry and his fellow mining crew were killed in a methane gas explosion caused by the incompetence of the crew’s foreman. This was because the town was holding its annual Valentines Day dance and he was in a rush to get to the party, leaving his post unattended. Harry managed to stay alive down there for six weeks, eating the flesh of his co-workers. But consuming your friends while rotting tens of feet below the ground makes humans go crazy apparently, and Harry was committed to a mental institution. On the one year anniversary of Harry’s tragedy, he escaped and ripped out the heart of the reckless foreman responsible for the accident. So the legend goes, he stalks the town on Valentines Day, ready to continue his horrible murder spree if anyone ever holds another Valentines celebration. But now, twenty years later, the town of Valentine Bluffs is finally ready to try pissing on the electric fence and decide to hold another Valentine’s Day dance. Predictably, the bodies pile up and the Mayor tries to cancel the dance. But the local horny teenagers reject this reality and substitute it for their own by holding their own party, unbeknownst to the Mayor or the Chief of police, who work to capture the elusive Harry Warden. All the while, a love triangle between a young girl named Sarah and her two potential lovers, T.J. Hanniger and Axel Palmer commences throughout the film. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyodYB7v3l22ozQcuqqEv-MddQq5KyOUoK6ukV2qosGb5QkBB8V66TUQlRqQiw2Jmz7ptJnusj57eiT1xoVZhMR22uYRJaGXzBiQAXkdWhdP_EzupteBX-dtJiiHQ1CI-Rv3yWU8sgWSea/s1600/BV4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyodYB7v3l22ozQcuqqEv-MddQq5KyOUoK6ukV2qosGb5QkBB8V66TUQlRqQiw2Jmz7ptJnusj57eiT1xoVZhMR22uYRJaGXzBiQAXkdWhdP_EzupteBX-dtJiiHQ1CI-Rv3yWU8sgWSea/s320/BV4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBCQvPZvxv0VA8xXzITQD1bazPSid8IIxcTnyM0eNh0T2Clj2lDAQEt-wCEkozojY18JnKZCJUbz4vCf43meZCFlzu4-i-zjxc1Eab1Xb6WxZ_u1zR29Rh7rPyMXocCBwW2kqIsHCgDjoJ/s1600/BV16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBCQvPZvxv0VA8xXzITQD1bazPSid8IIxcTnyM0eNh0T2Clj2lDAQEt-wCEkozojY18JnKZCJUbz4vCf43meZCFlzu4-i-zjxc1Eab1Xb6WxZ_u1zR29Rh7rPyMXocCBwW2kqIsHCgDjoJ/s320/BV16.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">Before I get into what I don’t like, I want to emphasize the idea of a crazy killer whose motivation is to murder those who wish to openly celebrate Valentines Day is highly entertaining. My initial dislike of this movie comes from a general exasperation I feel for the slasher genre. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good gore brigade as much as the next blood thirsty lusus naturae. But too often, I find many of these movies are based around the stereotype of a masked, heavy breathing barbarian hacking up a bunch of sex crazed over medicated frat kids. We’ve seen it before and we still do, constantly. It’s difficult not to think of a million examples of the still living and breathing slasher genre. Off the top of my head, I know of a few films currently in production, like the remake of the cult classic Maniac, as well as a couple new movies, (Hack/Slash, Chained and a 100 Bloody Acres). A good slasher film generally incorporates a combination of an unsettling killer and atmosphere, a cleaver twist, the inclusion of likeable and annoying characters, and impressive special effects. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBrpS0OuKqXunXL5H7Co9dRTKnVah9C5N4j8hAjKdWDzNQyh9ioN6XLhduxdjWSmtBoPH-RTmbUe7wLWkDVCBKVCrGmRh0mFPdExKfpPQSJuF8vfM4kMQ5qxWa04SwbImLrz90Hp_WVSPp/s1600/BV17.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgBrpS0OuKqXunXL5H7Co9dRTKnVah9C5N4j8hAjKdWDzNQyh9ioN6XLhduxdjWSmtBoPH-RTmbUe7wLWkDVCBKVCrGmRh0mFPdExKfpPQSJuF8vfM4kMQ5qxWa04SwbImLrz90Hp_WVSPp/s320/BV17.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">First off, I don’t find gas masks scary. This is because they tend to make me think of army/navy surplus stores. When I think of a cleaver slasher mask, I think of the William Shatner white face worn by Michael Myers in Halloween. The mask was eerie because it looked too synthetic to be human but still had the basic shape of a human face. This was emphasized by the fact that it was painted pure white, taking away even more subtle nuances of a human face. The end result was a face that looked vague and neutral. When you saw Myers, you knew there was no discussion with this guy; he had his mind set on what he was going to do to you. I get why Harry Warden wore a gas mask, he was dressed in his old miner’s outfit. It works, especially given the fact that the characters are all miners, making it ambiguous as to whether it really was Harry who was killing everyone. But it always came off to me as a cheap alternative to creating an original face of fear. Not bad, but it screams for a touch up. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ5_qgbi9VEcvYN-QcQQ4x9moYTUlYXM3aVpjOofk9jzKY9GKKUpHP1cyi4cd4eYOkNNat12WdzDRChoy0kKqAk3ctoYnB-YT_g9hlYudr8fmURV3HD109hFqHI9c1IotwvtzEQdaXDYpQ/s1600/BV18.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ5_qgbi9VEcvYN-QcQQ4x9moYTUlYXM3aVpjOofk9jzKY9GKKUpHP1cyi4cd4eYOkNNat12WdzDRChoy0kKqAk3ctoYnB-YT_g9hlYudr8fmURV3HD109hFqHI9c1IotwvtzEQdaXDYpQ/s320/BV18.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Despite this, the atmosphere in the movie is actually pretty good. The mine is impressive and that has a lot to do with the fact that it was shot on location. Also, the ending twist wasn’t bad at all. It actually reminded me of the twist in Friday the 13<sup>th</sup>, but I’ll leave that for you guys to decide for yourselves. I am very happy to give these aspects a pass. However, the behavior of the protagonist’s was so fucking stupid, I was unable to care what happened to the majority of them. They get upset about the cancelation of the Valentine’s Day dance and they know about the threat of Harry Warden. Still they decide to hold a party anyway, despite the warnings of the police chief Jake Newby. To make matters worse, to impress their girlfriends, a bunch of the miners decide to take their girls down into the mine for a tour all the while drinking like a bunch of bloated grannies at a family reunion. I enjoy a few chuckle headed idiots in my slasher films. After all, it’s fun to generate that desire to see them kick the bucket. But if all the characters behave like a bunch of dumb shits, the movie becomes predictable and I no longer care about their ensuing shenanigans. This is really what bogs this movie down so much. That, and the lack of special effects.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggH3_LfdhLsYG-HWqvYcivm3S7dLx2LA-iIGrAX1As4RhRlql7jEOVtynFzXHprV6DZVZIR8QtrnJeXJ-etWYBqFF8i7iVxyb7mZMDuvOYApmYN5bMrNWG25BObUDjuUtT1RuN8xlUgPtY/s1600/BV10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEggH3_LfdhLsYG-HWqvYcivm3S7dLx2LA-iIGrAX1As4RhRlql7jEOVtynFzXHprV6DZVZIR8QtrnJeXJ-etWYBqFF8i7iVxyb7mZMDuvOYApmYN5bMrNWG25BObUDjuUtT1RuN8xlUgPtY/s320/BV10.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">At least that is how I felt before watching the unrated version, released in the 2009 Lionsgate distributed DVD. For those who don’t know, over 9 minutes of the film was cut out of it’s original version, leaving out a great deal of the gore and violence. But without it, all that was left was a bunch of sloppy teenage drunks lining up on the slaughter house conveyor belt. Don’t get me wrong, I am a purist more often than not and believe that once a movie is released, it should probably stay that way. After all, what is a final cut if not the final version of a movie? But now that this footage has been put back into the film the way the director initially intended, I can see how much better this was supposed to be in the first place. Some of these special effects were so fantastic, it begs an explanation from the MPAA. My favorite effect was the cadaver in the washing machine. The differences between the theatrical and unrated versions are minimal, mostly a few extra close ups of the manikin. But the body is so rotten and waterlogged, as if it had been shoved inside the machine the night before and put through a flesh melting spin cycle. Those extra little touches really make all the difference when watching a film meant to show off the gore. All I have to say is, awesome!</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpJCb06MJog4VY-5fj8Sjjkqok4kOGU0bHXF83QCEKdVvc2-AaBCaQI9D1Q6bZEbhZJg318dRMoZ9opXqyscYG-sBK893pUlY2NQvhcxAKf6SF4vpJYI1YgFa9daDZj3adYzktkyxPfn6e/s1600/BV9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpJCb06MJog4VY-5fj8Sjjkqok4kOGU0bHXF83QCEKdVvc2-AaBCaQI9D1Q6bZEbhZJg318dRMoZ9opXqyscYG-sBK893pUlY2NQvhcxAKf6SF4vpJYI1YgFa9daDZj3adYzktkyxPfn6e/s320/BV9.jpg" width="320" /></a>The censorship of this film was nothing more than pure unadulterated defamation to what could have been (and in 2009 hopefully did become) a staple of the genre for mainstream audiences. Luckily, the film gained a strong cult following during its initial release. Without the huge outcry of its fans we never would have the movie in its entirety like this. Also the fact that the remake came out that year helped a lot to push this re-release, but we will chat about that movie later. If you love a good slasher this is definitely a classic worth watching, but stick to the unrated version or else you are missing out. There are some pretty grizzly moments to be had here. Even I can get over my prejudices for the average slasher film while watching it, factoring in of course that My Bloody Valentine was one of the early ones, and therefore the learning curve the genre was going through make the flaws even more acceptable. So long as you keep this in mind, you are in for an awesome ride. So grab your box of chalk flavored sweet hearts, dim the lights and get your hands on a copy of My Bloody Valentine. You won’t be disappointed.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrjTBILNCpd_HzlMbNbLUjY7tVDcq8d8KHqr8TpbpL2-_BOptNLheEH7WynaEqr8o39yzmNSnVPegF-glqjX9DDwDqDFdf0UEHJ09qvcnrFyPwyYgMLBFr5RTS5BDyPgdePpGKur4qUaFy/s1600/BV13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhrjTBILNCpd_HzlMbNbLUjY7tVDcq8d8KHqr8TpbpL2-_BOptNLheEH7WynaEqr8o39yzmNSnVPegF-glqjX9DDwDqDFdf0UEHJ09qvcnrFyPwyYgMLBFr5RTS5BDyPgdePpGKur4qUaFy/s320/BV13.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br />
</o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal">By the way, I know you people will hate me if I don’t compliment this guy’s mustache…It is a fine mustache indeed. And yes, he is the most sympathetic character in the movie.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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</div>Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-63435952235067569072012-02-04T19:12:00.000-08:002012-02-04T19:31:24.647-08:00Bongcheon Dong and Ok-Su Station Ghost Stories A.K.A. The 2011 Mystery Shorts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWv_xrzG8oZnwDiyhF2dNDYWI0ibQeknVZzBClokecGtv6fiC42bS4HdJSw_TBjwume3cLtnnA1zQ9hV3JNaemtdAInzAMUCi2pB0td6nhuPGtDWkjdD5Oa53MjtUyxzrdegLL9tfh45bb/s1600/Bongchong5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="142" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhWv_xrzG8oZnwDiyhF2dNDYWI0ibQeknVZzBClokecGtv6fiC42bS4HdJSw_TBjwume3cLtnnA1zQ9hV3JNaemtdAInzAMUCi2pB0td6nhuPGtDWkjdD5Oa53MjtUyxzrdegLL9tfh45bb/s400/Bongchong5.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I hope you don’t plan on going to sleep anytime soon. That is my job after all; to frighten you all into the piss puddle induced state of a creepy wo/man baby. But tonight’s horror doesn’t come from yours truly. Actually, this frightmare of a double feature is a series of pieces made by an artist from the Orient.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br />
</o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzkDRMt0PV6CdQIiNMhnob5wIy_FvBo2qF39QeLAliL26MXh-svisBTFDLsKl8VDjfOX66CCNf4n4XaG0A5Ck9Qsv4K_3KMFLcKOpR7VZAlOjW529wu9bCdyWCevu91r4EkZjtyDoxTN4z/s1600/OkSu2.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzkDRMt0PV6CdQIiNMhnob5wIy_FvBo2qF39QeLAliL26MXh-svisBTFDLsKl8VDjfOX66CCNf4n4XaG0A5Ck9Qsv4K_3KMFLcKOpR7VZAlOjW529wu9bCdyWCevu91r4EkZjtyDoxTN4z/s320/OkSu2.png" width="320" /></a>The Bongcheon-Dong and Ok-Su Station Ghost Stories are original comic strips written and animated by Studio Horang, a Korean writer/director/blogger who has managed to keep a pretty low profile on the internet circuit in the English speaking countries of the world. Very little is known about the artist. Many fellow internet creepers (like myself) have stated the artist’s name is Jong-Ho Choi, but they are all citing the blogger named Robot 6 as their main source (you can check out his stuff <a href="http://robot6.comicbookresources.com/">here</a>). As I write this, there is currently only one video on Horang’s youtube page, and it is a 46 second music video for the Korean band C-Kret (the opening of an anime maybe? I don’t know. I don’t watch a lot of that stuff...here is the link anyway <a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/StudioHORANG/videos">http://www.youtube.com/user/StudioHORANG/videos</a>). Much like Horang, I was unable to find very much about C-Kret (however, you can find the vocalist, Gaya’s website at <a href="http://www.aragaya.net/">http://www.aragaya.net/</a> check it out. That is, if you happen to know how to read Kanji). Despite Horang’s incredible obscurity, he has made a huge splash in the digital cesspool that is the internet with his incredibly short and sweet horror series, the 2011 Mystery Shorts, consisting of the two horrifying ghost stories I am sharing with you tonight. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvuCsI0UkgE8kJsewuICK-TCtU_N__-wRBDlUv836xW3pZCzn9LCFILtQg_c07coQwKhBs6bRPQZ0C4mSoqlHikZRWEUdB8tsoapBpU0ugpgDvpgU0MR9vvUQjm7n-FbtMr6McXe4wLBFN/s1600/OkSu3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="186" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvuCsI0UkgE8kJsewuICK-TCtU_N__-wRBDlUv836xW3pZCzn9LCFILtQg_c07coQwKhBs6bRPQZ0C4mSoqlHikZRWEUdB8tsoapBpU0ugpgDvpgU0MR9vvUQjm7n-FbtMr6McXe4wLBFN/s200/OkSu3.jpg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz64q5D18EuDlYrXC5i_iugmZ3FGlmJbt_UCWQAGYi8J1IPTvgp4hP3ut2tJBIh-uh_QSaREYBX6aywFI3YqpQ7YBkhXZm0nOE3tZ6q1aS9YS9202R3Va3lRs9fcAHX2vcI5eKbHzDurY_/s1600/Oksu02.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz64q5D18EuDlYrXC5i_iugmZ3FGlmJbt_UCWQAGYi8J1IPTvgp4hP3ut2tJBIh-uh_QSaREYBX6aywFI3YqpQ7YBkhXZm0nOE3tZ6q1aS9YS9202R3Va3lRs9fcAHX2vcI5eKbHzDurY_/s200/Oksu02.jpeg" width="200" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">These two horror stories, short as they are, are jam packed with Lovecraftian elements. Specifically, they instigate the fear of a supernatural influence over an urban setting. Bongcheon Dong is a housing division in Seul, South Korea and Oksu Station is an actual train line in the same city as Bongcheon Dong (probably the home town of Horang himself). Not only that, but they introduce characters that are completely out of control of their current ghostly situation and unable to comprehend the horrors that await them until it is too late. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlGe38qJv_0Z5cIpVF0GII15PBubjwEw8ijBjzwu3f9pqLutosLRP8s-DW8cKGKcLMYwQijOiOrwdlyUaG9YIIjweRzkUQFOyQv63tKOWdLAbm6HiINfamLBQlZLpUPuKoNQ6EUZXxHrXC/s1600/Bongchong3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="205" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlGe38qJv_0Z5cIpVF0GII15PBubjwEw8ijBjzwu3f9pqLutosLRP8s-DW8cKGKcLMYwQijOiOrwdlyUaG9YIIjweRzkUQFOyQv63tKOWdLAbm6HiINfamLBQlZLpUPuKoNQ6EUZXxHrXC/s320/Bongchong3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">As I stated before, I hope you were not planning on getting much sleep, because I guarantee that at least one of these two horrifying web comics will keep your eye lids glued to the tip of your scalp. I am reluctant to give away too much information on these pieces other than they are very eerie and claim to be based on “true events”. Horang manages to put the reader directly into the setting of the pieces within their first panels, as well as develop a very frightening mood, seemingly without an ounce of effort.</div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdUPTTPU3TCEugQ-22g8j44wvURPIpg9GyaxaIMfw_B8qflWRkdaru5hfgyedkwt4mghelD_u5hHDmHylKJ38thxEsSieY7wkYonY-_yH5C7QhAQQDaxTNMNYohCB3vchgMM5UmNENZE4K/s1600/bongchong1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="278" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjdUPTTPU3TCEugQ-22g8j44wvURPIpg9GyaxaIMfw_B8qflWRkdaru5hfgyedkwt4mghelD_u5hHDmHylKJ38thxEsSieY7wkYonY-_yH5C7QhAQQDaxTNMNYohCB3vchgMM5UmNENZE4K/s320/bongchong1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">I mean, look at this. Even out of context, this image is bound to haunt anyone’s nightmares. <o:p></o:p></span></div></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">I fear that any more commentary I may be able to add would only detract from the experience of these nightmare inducing stories. So without further ado, I present to you Studio Horang’s 2011 Mystery Shorts. Read them and judge for yourselves just what makes these damn things so haunting. I recommend beginning with the Bongcheon-Dong Ghost Story first. Normally, I’d say save the best for last, but the Bongcheon-Dong Ghost Story really enhances the reading experience of the Ok-Su Station Ghost Story; forcing you to wonder what is going to happen in each on coming panel. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You can read the Bongcheon-Dong Ghost Story with an english translation here:</div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://comic.naver.com/webtoon/detail.nhn?titleId=350217&no=31&weekday=tue">http://comic.naver.com/webtoon/detail.nhn?titleId=350217&no=31&weekday=tue</a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p>And, of course, the </o:p>Ok-Su Station Ghost Story with an english translation here:</div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="http://comic.naver.com/webtoon/detail.nhn?titleId=350217&no=30&weekday=tue">http://comic.naver.com/webtoon/detail.nhn?titleId=350217&no=30&weekday=tue</a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I for one hope to see more from Horang, and anxiously look forward to the opportunity of sharing many more narcoleptic nights with his horrifying work. I hope you feel the same as I do about these creepy fucking stories. And as a very sexy woman once said while waving goodbye on the show Movie Macabre, until next time, "unpleasant dreams".</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg2L_d1px7vsJnc0Pff4rhNG-TCLoXriIZCC3pPuq9gsQ8cMQL0-EnrJtcRtjTT1QZcdm6JIbBW-4eU3XadaJvLzY1tItQmWPF8EIHOw_WJX75MBm7UGQTLJJCBu7ln3WR4ylQnA_p62w3/s1600/Bongchong2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhg2L_d1px7vsJnc0Pff4rhNG-TCLoXriIZCC3pPuq9gsQ8cMQL0-EnrJtcRtjTT1QZcdm6JIbBW-4eU3XadaJvLzY1tItQmWPF8EIHOw_WJX75MBm7UGQTLJJCBu7ln3WR4ylQnA_p62w3/s320/Bongchong2.jpg" width="210" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div>Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-38112313328128783502012-02-01T15:52:00.000-08:002012-02-02T14:57:05.852-08:00Shockfest: The Complete Application Collection<div class="MsoNormal">Hello Meat!</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">A couple of months ago, I posted a video application for the position of host for Shockfest film festival. I am sure some of you got a chance to watch it, but in fact, there were actually four videos in total, two of which never went viral. So, I wanted to share with you all the complete collection of video applications. The process to get the job was very tedious and took a lot out of me. After all, I killed a cat, raised the dead, and summoned a demon inside of an orphan all in one month. The wonderful people at Shockfest did eventually get back to me. The end result? They shared a wonderful long weekend with me as their host of 2011. Thank you all for the absolutely frightful experience. So, without further ado, here they are. I hope you enjoy them.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p><br />
</o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p><i>JM</i></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><i><br />
</i></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><i>*I would also love to add a special thanks to the following people for making these video applications possible.</i></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><i><br />
</i></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><i>Dustin Gardner</i></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><i>Keith Wyrick</i></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><i>Joe Bou</i></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><i>Mai Mai</i></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>Nique Rose</i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>Pat Jankiewicz</i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><i>Edward and Victoria Plumb</i></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><i>Guil and Alesha Claveria, and all the good people of Shockfest Film Festival</i></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><i><br />
</i></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><i>May you all rest in a horrific slumber.</i></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p><i><br />
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</i></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><o:p><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Solicitation #1</b></span></o:p></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/QgKFXuzRQtg?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: center;"><o:p><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Solicitation #2</b></span></o:p></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><object width="320" height="266" class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://1.gvt0.com/vi/mYxbF58d6_0/0.jpg"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/mYxbF58d6_0&fs=1&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/mYxbF58d6_0&fs=1&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: center;"><o:p><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Solicitation #3</b></span></o:p></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/LZ7g3tSPajQ?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><div style="text-align: center;"><o:p><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Solicitation #4</b></span></o:p></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
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</i></o:p></span></div>Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-92105268770297994432012-01-25T08:52:00.000-08:002012-01-25T19:24:47.815-08:00Ravenous Review<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkty87ZMa-8aHTEesrR6SAu4i5nkmj_NOH-lzIX-8ZAd8iJKEYTALTpP2lM2buB4-6sYmQ-XcXwVrBD4MWC5VgWUnu7mGJ5tED25jWFEHEcFQM9H7ZN-dWV9O5VNu0XzTYA2sw-pOsLTM9/s1600/R10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="171" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhkty87ZMa-8aHTEesrR6SAu4i5nkmj_NOH-lzIX-8ZAd8iJKEYTALTpP2lM2buB4-6sYmQ-XcXwVrBD4MWC5VgWUnu7mGJ5tED25jWFEHEcFQM9H7ZN-dWV9O5VNu0XzTYA2sw-pOsLTM9/s400/R10.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">Sup, delicious humans! </div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-Px9SpaOcx63zb3k3kaFo1ExHYfKB5e-hRcy0Vr6wla0VT48gDSiWQ0YNfzrmj5BjpGfGHOnUph_uzsH-aju3nGaWJrT1lTL1cEwu94r-yhuX7-sadAionA8XoCBPQjCUprPAnD1jTAQx/s1600/R1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="136" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg-Px9SpaOcx63zb3k3kaFo1ExHYfKB5e-hRcy0Vr6wla0VT48gDSiWQ0YNfzrmj5BjpGfGHOnUph_uzsH-aju3nGaWJrT1lTL1cEwu94r-yhuX7-sadAionA8XoCBPQjCUprPAnD1jTAQx/s320/R1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">I have missed every single one of you, as I hope you did me. I beg you pardon my triple month disappearance, but I have been taking culinary classes. I am currently perfecting my recipe for toddler tartar. It’s coming along pretty well, though I must admit I am having a little trouble with the marinade. If anyone is interested in following my chiefscapades, you will be glad to know that I will soon provide you step by step instructions on the preparation of my new dish. That is, as soon as I manage to get my hands on a real kitchen, rather than a leftover hotplate I found in the depths of the closet. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHEOGEquc4qNhvo0DVdPQeUpMjYhvQfXTW9Eztg7rL_SaA6aPMn0ACDEg3Hy1NYfUBhEM74734AG8GUaXd2eC0YqnFnY0nZp_CZOoNKgL6ZCW13vABNnDYQUWv7bsTTzPf3P0xZLTzFotC/s1600/R2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="136" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjHEOGEquc4qNhvo0DVdPQeUpMjYhvQfXTW9Eztg7rL_SaA6aPMn0ACDEg3Hy1NYfUBhEM74734AG8GUaXd2eC0YqnFnY0nZp_CZOoNKgL6ZCW13vABNnDYQUWv7bsTTzPf3P0xZLTzFotC/s320/R2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">The series of events that stimulated my interest in the culinary arts unfolded after a private screening of the hunger pain inducing movie, Ravenous. The movie is set in the mid 1800’s during the Mexican American war. Lt. John Boyd (Guy Pearce) is granted a promotion after he single handedly captures the enemies’ fort. However, Boyd’s superiors don’t feel he is worthy of his new post, since the methods implemented to accomplish his goal were embarrassingly cowardly. You see Boyd really doesn’t have the stomach for violence. Early in the battle he played possum, watching his company fight and die around him. As he waited out the carnage, he accidentally sampled some blood from a dead soldier. Upon consuming the blood he discovered that it had rejuvenative powers, enriching him with a newfound vigor. Pumped, he snuck out from under a pile of bodies and singlehandedly captured the enemies’ fort, winning the battle. However, unable to let Boyd’s initial cowardice go unpunished, his commanding officers ship him to the remote Fort Spencer in the Sierra Nevada Mountains, where they could be sure he would never see action on the battlefield again. There, he meets his new unit consisting of such appetizing human actors as Jeffrey Jones and David Arquette. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx2n1AF8F7hnPFAs8W9AzqGuH-dNti29c0E2acM5TQpxZlQqrZQGVw9GG9EqfmOpkYrGGSJna6FkPYbbf5lvqrXCpXoMUatTGvW5-LJR1qo8PCPJy6OTXeE9WD48iqRnEbjUNSxoit2oCU/s1600/R4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgx2n1AF8F7hnPFAs8W9AzqGuH-dNti29c0E2acM5TQpxZlQqrZQGVw9GG9EqfmOpkYrGGSJna6FkPYbbf5lvqrXCpXoMUatTGvW5-LJR1qo8PCPJy6OTXeE9WD48iqRnEbjUNSxoit2oCU/s320/R4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">Soon after Boyd gets himself situated, a strange man collapses just outside of the Fort. His name is Mr. Colqhoun and he is one of the last survivors of a lost caravan somewhere in the Sierra Mountains. Once his party’s food supply disappeared, they were forced to eat their dead in order to survive. They kept that going for as long as possible, but once their numbers dwindled to nothing, Colqhoun decided to flee from the party in hopes of finding help. With this morbid story, Colqhoun successfully convinces everyone there is still a survivor in the woods eating the last of his party members. Feeling obligated to help the poor souls; the soldiers and Colqhoun embark on a journey to save the lost survivors. Unfortunately for them, they soon realize that they are actually the victims of a horrible trap. So of course, culinary hijinks ensue. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW_P9PVJczZ3FDa9HwXRPcHFP0HGzvccqrcIlghI7B3UUenfS5VXDgUud9-tnWP-oxjOD8O_lGLjjZQRFkg9LNEYrlhI5Vtf3NKkmfxiSeJsoQuyd5UU9oxYssO7jOmu7uOiHETNZBvBaH/s1600/R9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW_P9PVJczZ3FDa9HwXRPcHFP0HGzvccqrcIlghI7B3UUenfS5VXDgUud9-tnWP-oxjOD8O_lGLjjZQRFkg9LNEYrlhI5Vtf3NKkmfxiSeJsoQuyd5UU9oxYssO7jOmu7uOiHETNZBvBaH/s320/R9.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">(FYI, Colqhoun is pronounced: COLQ like COWL and HOUN as HOON like the word SOON). </span></div></td></tr>
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitIUysgjqvIaSi1KgrAUWp2zX7eU0ojk47Ehrqu_13sUq5YqIYcH4NBhcMeWYrubg8BWbW5gMPq33NFOIutshFrU30iRCWH0d_ZeH2RR9qimm21BjfdqQkAgEYuYiYmQ1FJpplrtQpMpqV/s1600/R12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="137" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEitIUysgjqvIaSi1KgrAUWp2zX7eU0ojk47Ehrqu_13sUq5YqIYcH4NBhcMeWYrubg8BWbW5gMPq33NFOIutshFrU30iRCWH0d_ZeH2RR9qimm21BjfdqQkAgEYuYiYmQ1FJpplrtQpMpqV/s320/R12.jpg" width="320" /></a>Three elements of the film really stick out at me as particularly well done: the choice of monster, the acting but most of all the music. The scrumptious human Antonia Bird is the director of the film, and I am rather surprised at how good of director she is. For a short while, I wondered why I hadn’t heard of her before, but then I learned she mostly directs British Television. It’s hard enough to tap into the walls of the house I squat in and steal American cable from the Groves, so there is no chance in hell that I would ever have decent exposure to her work. It was also surprising to see that Antonia’s genre of choice is generally not horror. I have seen many other movies from people who have dedicated their lives to make horror pictures and still cannot pull together a good suspenseful piece like this, even in exchange for the key to the basement I locked them in (I’m sure Herschell Gordon Lewis will claw his way out of that rat trap some day). This movie’s existence is rather refreshing to me, because it proves that really good movies can (and often do) slip through the cracks of mass audience appeal and/or exposure. It gives me hope to continue digging through the annals of bad movies in hopes of finding those ever elusive hidden gems of the film world. But most importantly, it makes me hungry.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZexv1A5HNaExftC-zSy91YmJSyspJcQ700oZ3bY8ejuTnRk7DdD8EFdCCDaKRS_ijf1gzZIhpqozPzrAGBLEGVotzTqCnRxof_VbgKupReazrABb5F60yCNpHF72ZaZr-WBK9fngO4e1c/s1600/R15.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZexv1A5HNaExftC-zSy91YmJSyspJcQ700oZ3bY8ejuTnRk7DdD8EFdCCDaKRS_ijf1gzZIhpqozPzrAGBLEGVotzTqCnRxof_VbgKupReazrABb5F60yCNpHF72ZaZr-WBK9fngO4e1c/s320/R15.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">The monster isn’t all that common in most modern horror movies. Sure, we have all watched episode two of Supernatural, but besides that, I don’t right recall many horror movies about this particular cryptid (I am not counting the 2001 horror film Wendigo by Larry Fessenden…I want to save that discussion for another day). In case you have never heard of a Wendigo, it is an Algonquin mythological beast that was once human, but has transformed do to the over consumption of human meat and possession by an evil spirit. They behave like wild animals, prowling the night in search of victims. Though the Wendigos in this film behave a lot more like vampires than wild animals. They spend their time mingling with humans, but only as a ruse to cover their morbid actions more effectively and choose who their next victims will be. The Wendigos powers are also vampiric in nature; eating human meat gives them a significant boost to their immune system and increases their strength and stamina. With that said, why not make this a vampire film? </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiW_P9PVJczZ3FDa9HwXRPcHFP0HGzvccqrcIlghI7B3UUenfS5VXDgUud9-tnWP-oxjOD8O_lGLjjZQRFkg9LNEYrlhI5Vtf3NKkmfxiSeJsoQuyd5UU9oxYssO7jOmu7uOiHETNZBvBaH/s1600/R9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br />
</a></div><div class="MsoNormal">Though this movie would have been just fine as a vampire flick, making the monsters Wendigos with vampiric traits allows the audience to instantly sympathize with the unfamiliar monsters in a familiar way. For the past twenty five years, the market has been over flooded with content about those pasty faced lust buckets, usually written for prepubescent human twats. I feel confident in saying that when it comes to vampires, we want to see something very new; Anne Rice filled the quota for whiny vampires for the next half a century (Someone forgot to inform Stephanie Myer). Using a different monster opens the doors for old topics to be made fresh without the conflict coming off as too old hat. There is little Wendigo content to dispute the nature of the beast, that it is ok to incorporate new ideas without pissing off your average Wendigo fan and still managing to captivate a massive audience (once again, somebody forgot to inform Stephanie Myer). We can discuss such topics as addiction, the natures of good and evil, and of course, the morality of survival tactics without leaving the audience yawning the ever famous mantra while leaving the theatre, “John Carradine did it better”. While the film sadly didn’t succeed in captivating a mass audience at the time of its release, using an unfamiliar monster at the bare minimum provided the film with a hint more originality than it’s standard blood sucking compadre. But what is a really original monster without a good cast to help bring the creature to life?<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIqJUyaqH9YRSdovjb2P1ELIiz6PGTaJzaZYIjciwnh853cDw3ro4H9NQWfha8aMe3O0H4iWydT0be7Isgtr4f2H_sme8Nb_3CqEBG5bnXM61nhyDomTE9caxbHsnh547q-IEqSJ5flJFT/s1600/R14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="136" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIqJUyaqH9YRSdovjb2P1ELIiz6PGTaJzaZYIjciwnh853cDw3ro4H9NQWfha8aMe3O0H4iWydT0be7Isgtr4f2H_sme8Nb_3CqEBG5bnXM61nhyDomTE9caxbHsnh547q-IEqSJ5flJFT/s320/R14.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">A good ensemble cast requires good talent, just as a delectable Shepherds Pie requires a sweet, juicy carcass. The casting of Ravenous is one of the movie’s finer sweet spots to be sure. The delicious human actors Guy Pearce and Robert Carlyle work off each other so well, playing characters that have completely polar opposite senses of morality. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCZoqO_X7ibfhuV6J8rp4pWQePJtUetcp02wVE1Da4RHBoMgH1E3TkwFViZ5CDcYCJeTbLYmHoNQISabcmSwFd7Y3Vso575fIaUT12NzPDBKAkRAVGjJqXjKbLJHDTia0AMb5VabPxSoXH/s1600/R7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="136" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCZoqO_X7ibfhuV6J8rp4pWQePJtUetcp02wVE1Da4RHBoMgH1E3TkwFViZ5CDcYCJeTbLYmHoNQISabcmSwFd7Y3Vso575fIaUT12NzPDBKAkRAVGjJqXjKbLJHDTia0AMb5VabPxSoXH/s320/R7.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">Boyd is a pragmatic pacifist, who adheres violence, unless under the threat of bodily harm. Though, because he is a soldier and killing is his job, his desire for self-preservation frequently causes others around him to get hurt, which is why he is often labeled a coward. This is seen by his initial action of playing dead during the Mexican American war. It is also seen as he tries to run away, even when Cl. Ives has just killed his fellow soldiers outside of the cannibal cave (I’m not really spoiling much, this happens too early on in the movie to ruin). I must admit I have never seen another Guy Pearce movie, and I am glad to have this be my introduction to his work. His ability to internalize the conflict and project the pain it causes his character onto his face generates a great deal of sympathy. I also enjoy watching his frustration grow as he fights to convince his fellow soldiers that Ives is in fact a man-eater. Even more enjoyable is the look he gets every time he is mortally wounded and must either eat human flesh or die horribly. You can almost see the back and forth going on in his head up to the very second he decides, “fuck it” and finally digs in. It gets me every time. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinsAsgTakwD5XlzkV-0toj_UqffakG11790nIxMNW_bz8cUeuvLZMd7GhZPBvWPQJC5GwRfBxiMDED6_Mo2TnWDYR0VzNMP4vgEkHab1yy5GIkr7PP2kHrT-EuTXv77XyqaFYPhW4kGZyc/s1600/R16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="136" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEinsAsgTakwD5XlzkV-0toj_UqffakG11790nIxMNW_bz8cUeuvLZMd7GhZPBvWPQJC5GwRfBxiMDED6_Mo2TnWDYR0VzNMP4vgEkHab1yy5GIkr7PP2kHrT-EuTXv77XyqaFYPhW4kGZyc/s320/R16.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">To noms, or not to noms.</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLnDDmwgctRQVIIoX-Qb1WIAnCKeyH4vTYhhfdweQSRYzM2aNZRBn54aAYQGZQLvW28-T-hD_VqJffXm9TVCsWYJ7-95NGR0Bcy6K-lox830iaMy0EFkFdHRxp9hvSdul3btJq2UhvlIMz/s1600/R17.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="136" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjLnDDmwgctRQVIIoX-Qb1WIAnCKeyH4vTYhhfdweQSRYzM2aNZRBn54aAYQGZQLvW28-T-hD_VqJffXm9TVCsWYJ7-95NGR0Bcy6K-lox830iaMy0EFkFdHRxp9hvSdul3btJq2UhvlIMz/s320/R17.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">Cl. Ives (Robert Carlyle) on the other hand plays a complete Nihilist; he feels no remorse for his insatiable appetite and even embraces it as his nature, which he would gladly sate at any point. Carlyle plays the part with such an unapologetic dispensation that you can’t help but fall in love with him. You even begin to sympathize with him as you learn about the unfortunate events that brought him to choose the life of a Wendigo. His actions aren’t justified, but the appeal of watching him is seeing how Carlyle makes Ives feel justified for eating people. Hmmm…Understanding the monster to a point that you humans may finally know why we do the things we do. What a novel idea. Take a note, human horror film makers; I want more of this. If I wanted to watch boring, one dimensional, teenage characters face poorly written conflicts, I’d watch Glee.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">Despite the talents of our two leads, my favorite two human actors by far are Jeffrey Jones and David Arquette. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlOCu67pqBRPVPflK3XvfETJPK9Z1M3EvtsUQRXL_rf3AH5bUEtbva8PMijfz9KG_YM5FD3sPQ98d-zgAZwjULQ2x9fkamt2UcSLPeeiNqr6uXZpWy1pDjwZd8K0N5Rxid2N0HF3Ejvruc/s1600/R3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjlOCu67pqBRPVPflK3XvfETJPK9Z1M3EvtsUQRXL_rf3AH5bUEtbva8PMijfz9KG_YM5FD3sPQ98d-zgAZwjULQ2x9fkamt2UcSLPeeiNqr6uXZpWy1pDjwZd8K0N5Rxid2N0HF3Ejvruc/s320/R3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">This film proved to be one of the last of Jeffrey Jones’ acting career of the millennia (he followed up with Tim Burton’s Sleepy Hollow). Though I can’t condone anything he may have done for his presence to significantly diminish from the Hollywood circuit, his performance in Ravenous is a bittersweet reminder of how much his talent is missed on the big screen. Jones plays Col. Hart, Boyd’s superior officer at Fort Spencer. He is a crippled and sickly old man who takes a shining to Boyd, as he is one of his few fellow soldiers with a tortured past and conflicted disposition to match his own. Hart was once a mountain of a man, but in his old age grew sickly and frail. He loves to read philosophy (he quotes Benjamin Franklin and Aristotle) and eat walnuts. Despite his overqualified credentials, he has resigned himself to the glorified position of father to a bunch of drunken and “overly medicated” ninnies working beneath him at this baron way station. You see him crave his youth, as he smashes a handful of walnuts with a thick heavy book, even though he was once strong enough to squeeze the nuts free with his bare hand. All the while he watches his life slink slowly down the drain of mediocrity and thankless employment. Actually, Col. Hart is one of the main reasons why I keep coming back to watch this movie. He goes through such an interesting character arc so Faustian that I can’t help but love the on and off screen drama of this character. Jones seamlessly slips into this performance, playing a resigned man to his midlife misfortunes and his loss of control over his own faculties. Actually, reflecting on this can be very eerie on dark and stormy nights. It is tough not to notice the similarities in tone of Cl. Hart’s frustration and Jones’ own current real life situation. One wonders if Cl. Hart’s Vonnegut esque (“so it goes”) attitude on life is not too dissimilar to Jones’ about his status as a Hollywood celebrity. I suggest you read up on the man, watch this movie, and heed my words. You may enjoy the frosty chill of celebrity misfortune.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxg2GGW0qHzKUKJTAnjUX7rTbsjKId5UdAdEwRTvOJftS8t5pslaaKbt08dSpDCmjsFGc0wS0GJwhgg9mpeQIuPWX4fBRnoIFKZ5dxgKCMOgpZrhTwN3sR1Jx9MZoqJ_SjmI0V694Kv_8k/s1600/R19.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="136" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxg2GGW0qHzKUKJTAnjUX7rTbsjKId5UdAdEwRTvOJftS8t5pslaaKbt08dSpDCmjsFGc0wS0GJwhgg9mpeQIuPWX4fBRnoIFKZ5dxgKCMOgpZrhTwN3sR1Jx9MZoqJ_SjmI0V694Kv_8k/s320/R19.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">Finally, I feel the need to talk about the performance of the human actor David Arquette. He plays Cleaves, a low ranking private in Col. Hart’s regalia. Cleaves spends the majority of his free time smoking marijuana and eating peyote. Despite my initial low expectation of this performance, I am happy to report that Arquette far exceeded my expectation. The stereotypes of the drug fiend have become so familiar that most portrayals tend to be more of a parody than an authentic emulation. However, Arquette depicts the attitude of a reckless but loving adolescent rather than a Ninja Turtles Stereotype. But Arquette’s real shining moment is during a grizzly dream sequence, where Boyd stabs Cleaves and goes to town chomping down on his liver. As Cleaves slowly dies, he laughs antagonistically at the sight of Boyd giving into his darkest hunger. The scene only lasted for about half a minute, but this one performance reminded me of another actor well versed in the portrayal of bit creepy parts, the late and great Dwight Frye. Specifically, what comes to mind is Frye’s performance as Renfield in Carl Laemmle’s Dracula. Renfield begins the movie as a straight man, with no particular substance to him other than his desire to sell some property in London to Count Dracula. But after Dracula submits him to obedience, Renfield becomes a twisted nutcase with a morbid hunger for insects. The transformation between these two very different personalities is seamless and makes the character intimidating, since his personality shifts so abruptly. It is an art to give a side character substance and diversity, especially when that character has so little on screen time. But for Aruqette to win me over, it only took a laugh. For This performance, I offer Arquette a blood-curdling scream of approval.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/ihcbIb77QEI?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTp9BzaVbV4QBuHpJ6HsK-tneklOwx0y60PigaJHdBc5TQ_dm7DtU45NIkg25sz0pHCoBbpFAUJVz4K2qsezrpkixD_fJ4sHLcRyiY1rvJO5n3kM-VzYrZKr-ixakd7q4VbRYoIVAF3S_0/s1600/R8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="136" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTp9BzaVbV4QBuHpJ6HsK-tneklOwx0y60PigaJHdBc5TQ_dm7DtU45NIkg25sz0pHCoBbpFAUJVz4K2qsezrpkixD_fJ4sHLcRyiY1rvJO5n3kM-VzYrZKr-ixakd7q4VbRYoIVAF3S_0/s320/R8.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">The music is very peculiar in this film. The tasty human composers, Michael Nyman and Damon Albarn did a fantastic job creating a series of haunting melodies, which alone are eerily beautiful, but juxtaposed to the gorgeous cinematography, make for some fascinating content. The gritty composition really puts you into the world of this 18<sup>th</sup> century military fort in the Sierra Mountains. The music sounds like it was written and recorded a long time ago by some primitive backwater jug band, yet the music itself would translate beautifully if performed by a philharmonic orchestra. The awkward playing of the musicians and the off key instruments they played on created a foreign and unsettling atmosphere, giving character to the beautiful scenery portrayed throughout the movie. In this way, it mirrors the gritty music often used to set the stage for such period pieces as “Once Upon A Time In The West” and “A Man For All Seasons”. It’s that grizzled and dated edge in the music that really helps capture the flavor of the setting and set the mood for this piece. It also sticks out to me as the most identifiable aspect of this movie. It just goes to show you how much a good score can affect your film. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br />
</o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal">If you are looking for a brilliant and rare horror movie, Ravenous comes highly recommended by yours truly. The monster is original, but incorporates familiar character traits of other monsters to keep it fresh. Also, every character and performance is authentic and distinct. But to top it all off, the haunting composition draws you in and keeps your ass planted firmly in your seat from start to finish. At the end of the day, these details are simply that; details. But these details make this movie one of my favorite period horror films ever made. So grab your walnuts, slice your wrists and poor yourself a glass of that ol' Jesus Juice. Because if his is good enough to drink every sunday, then surely yours is good enough for the rest of the six days of the week.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiblQp7gS8RZrAbyS1_pB-Uc0cVUIgcswwERsmU9fsf1m8E5SzpX-4DD5d315JfoQb8V4HJriFTCtMieHQcI80XEIZAGfaEN7Pfd8LK1xGhzZCuX5Jl5RgBpHEBPGt1x8sdLG-dRJRNcgH2/s1600/R18.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="152" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiblQp7gS8RZrAbyS1_pB-Uc0cVUIgcswwERsmU9fsf1m8E5SzpX-4DD5d315JfoQb8V4HJriFTCtMieHQcI80XEIZAGfaEN7Pfd8LK1xGhzZCuX5Jl5RgBpHEBPGt1x8sdLG-dRJRNcgH2/s400/R18.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;">*Just a quick note about Vampire films. I don't think vampires are on their way out. I am only saying that they are embedded much deeper into the mainstream than Wendigos are. Thus, making an original Wendigo movie is a lot more easy than an original Vampire movie. <o:p></o:p></span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br />
</span></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: x-small;">**By the way, expect a lot more content from me this year. Jeffrey is stepping out to paint the town with buckets of Babies' Blood.</span></div>Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-30037408833496801912011-10-29T14:52:00.000-07:002011-10-29T14:59:23.658-07:00Shockfest Host Application<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">I have finally decided after 800 years to take a step out from behind the closet door and take on the moving pictures industry by its devilish horns. Get ready Hollywood. Here comes Jeffrey.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dy_--99WHxRs3wEYGMVHdVnhy8huc9a5JD86rcl5Y2aV4G5yoXlx64cr7RfWiZAP6VriXdIxPFUnckRbvTMew' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">Come check out more about shockfest <a href="http://www.shockfilmfest.com/">here</a></div>Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-70442890601045209622011-09-23T16:03:00.000-07:002011-09-23T17:34:44.957-07:00FemVamp.com Review<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhalCvu-zYk5MdGBvIB1jch5tb_nG0NgjzPpPLkQAkirnohsMrPAP_enzK-UfGMhrkAhg4AU1yjbcEW25RXGRGYK5L464gNkRSPcqqvfjvol5y1mUBpk4mDT7jmgdNzK1xII8nV-ZjP-XB_/s1600/fv7.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="220" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhalCvu-zYk5MdGBvIB1jch5tb_nG0NgjzPpPLkQAkirnohsMrPAP_enzK-UfGMhrkAhg4AU1yjbcEW25RXGRGYK5L464gNkRSPcqqvfjvol5y1mUBpk4mDT7jmgdNzK1xII8nV-ZjP-XB_/s400/fv7.png" width="400" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">You know what I like in my pornography? Blood, mutilation and a plot. The problem is that the only porn worthy of my erection is my gory scissor reel of Eli Roth movies (unfortunately, such films lack a plot, making it very difficult to enjoy a good old fashioned blood orgasm…But this is a discussion for another day). Luckily I recently stumbled upon something far more entertaining than any monstrous spank material put out by a thousand Eli Roths powered with atomic rays. This tasty title of titillation is called Femvamp.com, a horror comedy internet show about a clan of sex crazed female vampires who lure unsuspecting viewers to their doom through their porn website, femvamp.com. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmSAiNMEKGIN5xCwDOEHpwQnKUUTivKrINXvJG2j7sBjkQss-fUx5wQcJArTwQpzWaaRbhDUIKz8NdVG6JSISrq9qK_WQprZKnL445WWd873_t0sSUVVTmNqGHr7znr5nf2yjcyJiAxfgq/s1600/fv6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi59WOlAOqgZ9k-jYfLs6NEJBV3N1NyawG8S2WMezsMuq5W5oL2jWIEtVy6QNJH9Z7OBX41uAFZe9CRoB0LbdrukF-a-Kya7Dalju-uRIKCPelCcsDMop9OPOEylHOn-Bom3ER5dbKBJCQR/s1600/fv5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi59WOlAOqgZ9k-jYfLs6NEJBV3N1NyawG8S2WMezsMuq5W5oL2jWIEtVy6QNJH9Z7OBX41uAFZe9CRoB0LbdrukF-a-Kya7Dalju-uRIKCPelCcsDMop9OPOEylHOn-Bom3ER5dbKBJCQR/s320/fv5.jpg" width="246" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>It's not ok to hit a child, unless you <br />
make it look like an accident</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">Like a horny teenage prom date with an initial fear of the almighty penis, I was titillated yet hesitant to jump into bed with this piece upon watching the first episode. My brows frilled at the exposition delivered by some loud-mouthed jockey boy. But as soon as said jock became the first victim of a vampire babe in a corset, I realized that what I had just watched was nothing more than a prologue meant to introduce the theme of the overall show, which is very tongue in cheek. Just like how Judd Nelson slipped the panties off of Molly Ringwald in “The Breakfast Club”, this webseries managed to charm me instantly after the very catchy theme song played juxtaposed to two voluptuous vampire women spreading gratuitous amounts of fake blood all over their human female victim’s mostly naked body with their mouths. Instantly, the show introduced who would eventually become my favorite character, Detective Valentine. In the first two minutes, the bitch-slapping cop (played by Jay Bingham) knocks around a baby face student under the suspicion that he is a murdering peeping tom at the local college. His constant shouting of “bullcrap” and frequent slaps in the face of a kid probably not old enough to buy beer at your local Bevmo was honestly one of the funniest things I’ve watched in a while. The best part is that Bingham plays it straight, even when the characters in the show realize how ridiculous this guy’s fast fisted tactics are. I mean it, every time he slaps someone, which is a lot; they either gaze at him blankly and confused or they start laughing at him. To which his response is to slap them again, for they don’t seem to realize how much he means business. He even goes so far as to shout at his boss when he gets kicked off the case for his use of excessive force. I just love how over the top he is with his bad cop routine; it’s as though he’s got something to prove but no one seems to take him all that seriously. This is the kind of guy who goes home and beats his wife over a miscommunication about why she was out so late with the girls the night before, after drinking his 6 pack of Milwaukee’s Best of course. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmSAiNMEKGIN5xCwDOEHpwQnKUUTivKrINXvJG2j7sBjkQss-fUx5wQcJArTwQpzWaaRbhDUIKz8NdVG6JSISrq9qK_WQprZKnL445WWd873_t0sSUVVTmNqGHr7znr5nf2yjcyJiAxfgq/s1600/fv6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="234" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmSAiNMEKGIN5xCwDOEHpwQnKUUTivKrINXvJG2j7sBjkQss-fUx5wQcJArTwQpzWaaRbhDUIKz8NdVG6JSISrq9qK_WQprZKnL445WWd873_t0sSUVVTmNqGHr7znr5nf2yjcyJiAxfgq/s320/fv6.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Sometimes, it takes a man with a really sexy O-face</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHU1K592HQOVCNPjH-ccsAWxzf-0E_fvanHTg3Zdw-wnpJRTXxqZ0sthm2pwbhKzONIkzilG_eqpJHZg9NPqf4YevTVh-egBX1c8CBELCZ1hL2hyphenhyphen2C9Hplk1MHGo4Nbz9RTqILGmsLodeS/s1600/fv8.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="303" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHU1K592HQOVCNPjH-ccsAWxzf-0E_fvanHTg3Zdw-wnpJRTXxqZ0sthm2pwbhKzONIkzilG_eqpJHZg9NPqf4YevTVh-egBX1c8CBELCZ1hL2hyphenhyphen2C9Hplk1MHGo4Nbz9RTqILGmsLodeS/s320/fv8.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">By the fifth episode, the main cast of characters is set up, as are their relationships. Terry, the protagonist (also the campus pepping tom…but not the murderer) and his best friend BJ, a Chris Brown-esque side kick team up with Professor Wang, a whimsical and flirtatious college professor/vampire hunter to take down the Femvamps and stop their sexy murderous webshow. All the while, Detective Valentine continues to hunt down Terry, for he thinks he is the one murdering the local college students, even though Valentine has been kicked off of the case due to his violent and silly tactics of retrieving information. Most of these characters are likeable. Though I do admit I am not a fan of BJ (he’s mostly played up for laughs and I was never a fan of Chris Brown’s humor) I feel there is a great deal of room for growth with the character, so I am more than willing to stick around and see where it goes. The jokes that hit, hit very well, and the use of back-story adds a great deal of likeability to the characters. Specifically, we get a wonderful opportunity to see our “Van Helsing” character, Professor Wang as a young man training to be a vampire hunter. As it turns out, he was very different as a naïve fledgling pupil studying the art of vampire murder. I’d love to see more vignettes like this one peppered throughout the series. It allows us to see our heroes in different stages of their lives thus getting to know them beyond the masks of their social personalities and idiosyncrasies. The second most important selling factor of this show is the clear level of fun the cast is having while performing and frequently that alone is enough to keep my attention. It’s really ok to chew the scenery, so long as the scenery is made up of delicious blocks of ham and cheese. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p><br />
</o:p></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7bEuLn2Fhxh0MNi_iax2WhER-ELmLCDmR3ERHnwLC0stPr9MSMn6B19DXyOENiaGFg7Rrsjt6VDIUin3cuamWxTP6t1vOU-My0fDngLWMKtoxwq3nPypU1aZc5CM0i_ERPQSCElynGpre/s1600/fv4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7bEuLn2Fhxh0MNi_iax2WhER-ELmLCDmR3ERHnwLC0stPr9MSMn6B19DXyOENiaGFg7Rrsjt6VDIUin3cuamWxTP6t1vOU-My0fDngLWMKtoxwq3nPypU1aZc5CM0i_ERPQSCElynGpre/s320/fv4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p>It is also worth mentioning how much I like the art direction. It is especially impressive, since the series has a fairly low budget. Most low budget projects can’t seem to grasp the idea that filling the negative space in the frame makes the film’s environment look more authentic. But this filmmaker goes out of his way to make the locations look lived in and the props look real. On a shoestring budget, they build a pretty comfy looking coffin big enough to fit two bodies (kind of reminds me of the crypt of carnality I built in my basement. You know what I say, when the tomb stone’s-a-rockin…). Professor Wang sports a crossbow, a vest packed to the teeth with ammo, and giant syringes filled with silver liquid nitrate. These fine details are what make this show stick out to me as well thought out. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK_CMu0tiddcm5leo6-lgYe0Fgqz7qACAVSfeBVvXilwSF29ZSd5MPVfvO8Kl7JplLJUtuI2IEPSoP8SfvMbp097QnQbIiqPYH9jkbNBGp4BVRq38cVyg0PB1e7DIEkT9NxUK-YaIcAhAM/s1600/Screen+shot+2011-09-23+at+3.28.54+PM.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="302" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhK_CMu0tiddcm5leo6-lgYe0Fgqz7qACAVSfeBVvXilwSF29ZSd5MPVfvO8Kl7JplLJUtuI2IEPSoP8SfvMbp097QnQbIiqPYH9jkbNBGp4BVRq38cVyg0PB1e7DIEkT9NxUK-YaIcAhAM/s320/Screen+shot+2011-09-23+at+3.28.54+PM.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Miles Whitmon fantasizes about some pretty sick shit, apparently</i></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">There is only one thing I don’t like about the show, and that is the method in which jump scares are implemented. The use of jump scares in the horror genre is one of the oldest and easiest approaches to literally force audience members out of their seats. The basic formula of an effective jump scare is as follows…<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.5in;">1.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span>The Setup, or the introduction of a foreign element into a sequence (i.e. a strange noise down the hallway). <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.5in;">2.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span>Followed by a suspenseful build up used to create tension, (the character’s curiosity is perked and they are unwisely drawn to the mystery).<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.5in;">3.<span style="font: normal normal normal 7pt/normal 'Times New Roman';"> </span>Finished off with the reveal of something wicked, usually accompanied by a sudden change in volume and intensity of the score and the action (without warning a loud music sting breaks the suspenseful silence and a hellish abomination pops out from the darkness to kill our curious clod).<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">One of the most famous and in my opinion best examples of an effective jump scare is from the film House on Haunted Hill. Two guests of a party (a man and a woman) at a haunted house search the basement for a mysterious attacker that may still be hiding somewhere. They find that the walls in certain spots in the basement are hollow and soon enough the two split up to figure out why. However, the young lady is unfortunate enough to discover…well, perhaps it would be best for you to see for yourself what she discovers. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">I can definitely see where the filmmaker was going by incorporating jump scares into his series. After all, a good horror comedy joins both dread and comic relief into a beautiful unholy matrimony. But I feel the execution of the jump scares were harsher on the ear than on the heart, for they begin with a brief silence followed by a particularly loud sting. In fact, the loud sting hinders the scare, for when I turned the volume down to mute and watched it again, they were significantly more effective. But since the jump scares take up about a second or two of only two or three episodes, it is more than fair to say that I am splitting hairs in this critique.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp-JV4cl9iZ53x4iAmR-DaQb0JjdmO_wG1m4doJivR-I90N_GMPN-Sm1zKgcSR2ShSh7a9vTJ_a1WYPMPb8Zw6xjIbZTgvFfy8EpVqUKnDTGv4PG4MlSDfRbTT6BqOQBQ5ndyQZX8H03Zb/s1600/fv3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjp-JV4cl9iZ53x4iAmR-DaQb0JjdmO_wG1m4doJivR-I90N_GMPN-Sm1zKgcSR2ShSh7a9vTJ_a1WYPMPb8Zw6xjIbZTgvFfy8EpVqUKnDTGv4PG4MlSDfRbTT6BqOQBQ5ndyQZX8H03Zb/s320/fv3.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">Femvamp.com has the attributes of a high school charmer. Its personality is both cocky and funny, able to unapologetically make a face palm joke as if to say, “if you don’t like it, someone better will”. That’s the kind of gusto I appreciate with my humor. If you take the content of an Ed Wood movie and the delivery of a PG13 cut of a John Waters film (good luck ever finding one) you will be pretty damn close to the feel of Femvamp.com. If you dare incur the wrath of a fine assed blood sucking leech in hopes of cumming blood all over your Mom’s new carpet (as I know I did before I ate the harlot), go watch the show and tell me what you think. And remember to keep an eye out for Detective Valentine, I hope that once this show has released a couple of seasons, he gets his own spinoff titled “BULLCRAP!...SLAP!”<o:p></o:p><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC8GxsOhzBLY3XTr8zF9a-6or9t92wJxmylS-QAgSv-MdjA8mDz7TwuR2usHNyM0x_Y4nJy-na_IOoWWEb0-k5RCnCJ0FXfgW9RsH63OJ6COLMqdh8a8m9NSAOTs2ER1cSYFcFeaFjf6j0/s1600/slap.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="209" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiC8GxsOhzBLY3XTr8zF9a-6or9t92wJxmylS-QAgSv-MdjA8mDz7TwuR2usHNyM0x_Y4nJy-na_IOoWWEb0-k5RCnCJ0FXfgW9RsH63OJ6COLMqdh8a8m9NSAOTs2ER1cSYFcFeaFjf6j0/s320/slap.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
Come check it out <a href="http://www.femvamp.com/">here</a>. You'll be glad you did.</div>Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-74493887872234896372011-09-20T22:48:00.000-07:002011-09-21T01:20:08.476-07:00Daddy of the Dead Review<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6q5mqdyZ_7KS-wYNKI_PyiMVTPzBVRLuFGBa2I9aF9XZA1EYDK0WolxwaVH8K1uFFmG0Btc7xosfpeamDYJv9BYETGZVXQnSGLsrf1KfG_UKQ9OC8YSBnWDQ5ipI2AWwt3cQWZM-eSWPq/s1600/Zombie4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6q5mqdyZ_7KS-wYNKI_PyiMVTPzBVRLuFGBa2I9aF9XZA1EYDK0WolxwaVH8K1uFFmG0Btc7xosfpeamDYJv9BYETGZVXQnSGLsrf1KfG_UKQ9OC8YSBnWDQ5ipI2AWwt3cQWZM-eSWPq/s320/Zombie4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Not since the Charles Manson cut of To Kill a Mockingbird have I seen such a heartwarming story. “Daddy of the Dead” is a lighthearted romp about the hardships a father must face while raising an undead child in a post apocalyptic world. Such conflicts include racism, dietary issues and of course, bigotry. I consider this film more political than anything, as it takes a very clear position on the issue of undead parenting. Though I happen to agree with the stand the film takes on said policy, I do have a few critiques on some of the technical aspects of the filmmaking. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: -webkit-auto;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZbDVzRS9UZL7AKy29AEBJT3YJ4w5Ko8mR6kU7vPoFHHz9v26P4VHLE8jf5289Hii0pdTJlAwEGsfe3a-9PM_zqiqZqKdAgY9q63ztL4sMtIrLqlGpUHSuY2c3cAYay_wHQr-oHFWJ3xVP/s1600/Zombie3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZbDVzRS9UZL7AKy29AEBJT3YJ4w5Ko8mR6kU7vPoFHHz9v26P4VHLE8jf5289Hii0pdTJlAwEGsfe3a-9PM_zqiqZqKdAgY9q63ztL4sMtIrLqlGpUHSuY2c3cAYay_wHQr-oHFWJ3xVP/s320/Zombie3.jpg" width="293" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">Though I appreciate the message the film conveyed, I think it would have added to the overall viewing experience to create a happier feel with the music selection during the sequence when the father prepared his daughter’s meal. It would have created a moment for the audience to see the bright side of raising a living dead baby. After all, a bouncing bile filled child does bring cheer to any loving household. It also would have made the finale more unexpected and suspenseful. I was also not the biggest fan of the chosen camera used to film this PSA, but nothing really compares to good old fashion 16mm, and who can afford film to shoot a doc with these days besides Ken Burns and Michael Moore? Sometimes, stories need to be told and in such cases, any working camera is a good camera. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwyuyoC2Du8uRa0tlyzA1-3GzIrV2ogvC7eyOVMVlDLN257PlKfBGWSqyfxHssZeONurvo6BIOXZBLS2J2QXqFeu2DruwXPkTnMrcffXeFvuXnURELqEghVDRnuPc3L6OPXlxGOERo820M/s1600/zombie1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="189" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhwyuyoC2Du8uRa0tlyzA1-3GzIrV2ogvC7eyOVMVlDLN257PlKfBGWSqyfxHssZeONurvo6BIOXZBLS2J2QXqFeu2DruwXPkTnMrcffXeFvuXnURELqEghVDRnuPc3L6OPXlxGOERo820M/s320/zombie1.jpg" width="320" /></a>Even though our poor subject is most definitely a victim of bigotry and racism from a mob of extremist ghouls, I can’t help but feel the film’s mission to fight racism ends up making the film maker look a tad racist himself; against zombies that is. After watching it a second time, I noticed the film maker did not go out of his way to interview any liberal zombies who may have taken the living father’s side. This leads me to believe one of two things; either the film maker is attempting to label all of the living dead as ignorant right wing trailer trash, or the film maker does not understand that zombies are as diverse a race as humans (I should know; I was an attendee at the Zombie Tea Party Rally this past weekend…it didn’t end well). I am also a tad surprised that the film did not end with a message to its audience, informing them of ways they can help fight the bigotry humans face against their zombie brothers. Perhaps a link to the website of an organization designed to fight such oppression. Well that is where I come in. If you have been moved by the message this film conveys and you wish to help such parents as the one portrayed in Daddy of the Dead, feel free to contact The Zombie Squad and ask them what can be done to make a difference. They are a charitable organization that works to help those in need under the oppression of such forces of nature as the zombie apocalypse. They are responsible for running and attending many charitable parties, conventions and events. I believe they take donations, but either way if you feel so inclined, you can reach them by clicking <a href="http://www.zombiehunters.org/">here</a>.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoo5geVo0q9DJtF2jJoK_Pw9AQw5P0wKLaB84Xt27bHN7jN0RPlgx1fSi6Vi_FePwioWXJgv_tAVIOC7dr8Z-VsVbHV8n7qzEmSoJBou9x91bYkIYbOJRrEgexAlo4czeeOMrNCmznNQRS/s1600/Zombie2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="189" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgoo5geVo0q9DJtF2jJoK_Pw9AQw5P0wKLaB84Xt27bHN7jN0RPlgx1fSi6Vi_FePwioWXJgv_tAVIOC7dr8Z-VsVbHV8n7qzEmSoJBou9x91bYkIYbOJRrEgexAlo4czeeOMrNCmznNQRS/s320/Zombie2.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 13px; text-align: center;"><i>I usually use a meat cleaver to chop the body into small pieces, </i><br />
<i>then put the unused parts in the fridge for later. But a kitchen knife</i><i><br />
works fine, if you don't plan on keeping any leftovers.</i></td></tr>
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<div class="MsoNormal">The film maker's name is Guil Claveria. I recommend giving the film a look. It taught me a thing or two about what kind of food to feed a growing ghoul and it does a great job capturing the struggle a parent must face as a minority in a racist community.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div>Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-80041460985739849252011-09-19T12:21:00.000-07:002012-06-11T08:43:15.425-07:00The Book of the Law<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXwMbOZJvWJeJQbse3Mfl2RBOx7aobnE16ogIPl6pMso6q6w0zIIJD8pWKlOvTcVQBXjvKdpXE6xlPVAWBfKAsRNk4pbkgcKyu8MctwgWly0PuzqbTCIa4vElVtcM9bjLMmbjasuFA9wpz/s1600/Book_Law.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgXwMbOZJvWJeJQbse3Mfl2RBOx7aobnE16ogIPl6pMso6q6w0zIIJD8pWKlOvTcVQBXjvKdpXE6xlPVAWBfKAsRNk4pbkgcKyu8MctwgWly0PuzqbTCIa4vElVtcM9bjLMmbjasuFA9wpz/s320/Book_Law.jpeg" width="224" /></a></div>
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Friends and lovers, I am rather excited to begin this month’s book club meeting. So without further ado, let’s talk books.<o:p></o:p></div>
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You human beings and your religions. Do Gods have words? Some say, “Yes they do”. Can you hear them? Some say, “Yes I can”. Can I hear them? Some say, “Yes you can”. When can I hear them? Some say, “Right now”. What if I can’t hear them? Some say, “Read the Bible”. Which Bible? Some say, “All of them”. Ok, maybe they don’t say that. But you will get a whole bunch of different answers from a whole bunch of different people. It just so happens, that this one particular religious tomb caught my eye the other day and I am rather excited to share it with you.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Have you ever been interested in the Qabalah? Or fascinated by the use of sex and erotica to perfect your ability to manipulate mystical powers from the astral plane? Then maybe Thelema is the right philosophy/religion for you. The Thelemic religion draws greatly from the Egyptian pantheon. Specifically the deities Nut, Hadit and Ra-Hoo- Khuit are considered to be Gods of particular importance. For they are the heavenly authors of this month’s holy text.</div>
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Aleister Crowley, the founder of the Thelemic religion, was a mystic who claimed to share a conversation with a higher being. Specifically, he was contacted by his guardian angel, Aiwass, The Minister of Hoor-paar-kraat (more commonly believed to be Horus, the centralized deity of Thelema). Aiwass used Crowley’s fiancee’s body to speak to him in order for Crowley to annotate the bible of his Theleman philosophy; Liber Al vel Legis, or in English, The Book of the Law.<o:p></o:p></div>
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In the span of four days (April 1<sup>st</sup>, 7<sup>th</sup>, 8<sup>th</sup> and 9<sup>th</sup>) between the hours of noon and 1 pm, Crowley and Aiwaas sat in the drawing room of an apartment in Cairo, Egypt to dictate this magical tomb. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The writing of the book is both overly complicated and significantly cryptic. Depending on your desire to dig deep into the will of the Thelemic pantheon or the mind of an insane wizardy-type (depending on your point of view) you may either get a great deal of spiritual awakening from reading this brief dictation, or a great deal pissed off for reading something so indecipherable. Later in his life, Crowley wrote The Comment, which spelled out the interpretation of his holy book in a concise simple paragraph. In The Comment, Crowley strictly prohibits any outside study or lecture of the book. He states that the book must be interpreted privately by ones self only, without aid outside of his own writings and analyses. He goes on to recommend you destroy your copy as soon as you have read it for the first time. It was in this brief paraphrase that Crowley defined the book in two simple phrases, <o:p></o:p></div>
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“Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the law”<o:p></o:p></div>
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“love is the law, love under will”<o:p></o:p></div>
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The definition of “Do what thou wilt” is meant to focus more on one’s spiritual destiny rather than one’s selfish desires. In thelema everyone has a true will, which is considered to be one’s destiny one must attain. It is not chosen, rather enlisted to an individual based off of their inner self in relation to the universe. To attain one’s true self is to attain enlightenment. A true Theleman’s actions are in perfect harmony with nature, as they use magick (yes, with a K) to attain one’s true will. <o:p></o:p></div>
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If you wish to read more on the subject of Thelema, I recommend starting with The Book of the Law. You can read it online by clicking <a href="http://www.sacred-texts.com/oto/engccxx.htm">here</a>. </div>
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If you’d like to read any more of Aleister Crowley’s work online, you can do so by clicking <a href="http://hermetic.com/crowley/">here</a>. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I also recommend Crowley’s autobiographical experience as a drug user, Diary of a Drug Fiend. At the very least it is worth a couple laughs.<o:p></o:p></div>
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For those of you who wish to read The Book of the Law and are easily lost in Aiwass’ fancy and highly metaphorical prose, I have written up a quick cheat sheet for you to become better acquainted with the meaning behind some of the texts. Does that make me a sinner in the eyes of your average Thelemic practitioner? I don’t care. I’m a horrible monster who lives in a closet and eats people. However, as this is such a complex piece of writing and I do have a great many babies to toss off of tall buildings today, my cheat sheet does not go so in depth to be a complete analysis, rather a modest glossary of Thelemic terms, metaphors and meanings behind various phrases and reoccurring concepts you will come across by reading The Book of the Law. If you are interested in reading Crowley’s various essays and commentaries on the book (which go significantly more in depth), I recommend reading his other book, The Law is for All. You can purchase a copy at Amazon.com by clicking <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Law-All-Authorized-Popular-Commentary/dp/1561840904">here</a>.</div>
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So without further ado, let us begin...</div>
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<u><b>Chapter 1<o:p></o:p></b></u></div>
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<u>Nuit</u> </div>
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Heavenly speaker of the first chapter of the book. <o:p></o:p></div>
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She is the sky goddess, ever arching over her masculine counterpart Hadit, to kiss his “secret ardours”. (14)<o:p></o:p></div>
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“…and in his woman called the Scarlet Woman is all power given” (15)</div>
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The Scarlet Woman is the goddess Babylon, riding bare breasted on the back of the great Beast, whose number is 666 (Aleister Crowley often saved this title, The Great Beast, for himself. However in this case, he is referring to another deity. Not Satanic in nature, but Thelemic).<o:p></o:p></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCJ4x9HVYiJbqi9fqkbH_XxyJO7Ms1A7yMxLkPgwRbB8ULfLIsztY40lg2Gcq4JgUhyZ4yZi5CdTN_gfiTUtloYZdGte76OFQjSeoRrhijz1o1HYygnUc-0Hi6EvWdOYX_IhgCLuI9meXv/s1600/Babalon.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCJ4x9HVYiJbqi9fqkbH_XxyJO7Ms1A7yMxLkPgwRbB8ULfLIsztY40lg2Gcq4JgUhyZ4yZi5CdTN_gfiTUtloYZdGte76OFQjSeoRrhijz1o1HYygnUc-0Hi6EvWdOYX_IhgCLuI9meXv/s200/Babalon.jpeg" width="125" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Babylon </i></td></tr>
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-To her is the “stooping Starlight” as to Hadit is the “Winged secret flame” (16)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Nuit and Hadit are represented as female and male counterparts, Nuit the feminine encompassing Hadit the masculine in her heavenly body. Crowley is famous for his blatant and cryptic carnality, for sex is a powerful tool in the Thelemic religion. Keep your peepers pealed. You are bound to find a great deal of metaphorical soft-core porn in this bible.<o:p></o:p></div>
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-“I am Nuit and my word is six and fifty. Divide, add, multiply, and understand” (24 – 25)<o:p></o:p></div>
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The use of numbers is very common in many pagan and spiritually based religions. In Thelema, they are used to uncover many transcendental secrets. 50 + 6 is 56, the number of Nuit. When broken apart and added together, 5 + 6 = 11, the number of the Tree of Life. Take special note of the importance of the numbers 5 and 6, for 5 is represented by the Pentagram, the 5 pointed star and 6 is represented by the Hexagram, the 6 pointed star. Both stars have their own magickal significance. The Pentagram represents the Microcosm, the four elements Earth, Fire, Wind and Water crowned together with the fifth point, the spirit. The Hexagram represents the Macrocosm, the points of the star are granted to the planetary bodies Saturn, Jupiter, Mars, Venus, Mercury, The Sun and The Moon. Put together, the Pentagram and the Hexagram become a very powerful and all encompassing symbol. As you can see, there is already much to dive into with this mystical text.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidU_v9HuQAMWGDU_EodHZlE0KN6uByqAnIIsz_raz_VCaz0-mqVnhMNMobBO7sQu1g4_5Xmrs-rK0O7kTlhEPHlxqWpnJjp2LGj_yCGsWgbSM7optUo1j_F9XssfpV5kzPhrVRmQQbGamA/s1600/ts.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidU_v9HuQAMWGDU_EodHZlE0KN6uByqAnIIsz_raz_VCaz0-mqVnhMNMobBO7sQu1g4_5Xmrs-rK0O7kTlhEPHlxqWpnJjp2LGj_yCGsWgbSM7optUo1j_F9XssfpV5kzPhrVRmQQbGamA/s200/ts.png" width="135" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>The Tree of Life</i></td></tr>
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-“My scribe Ankh-af-na-khonsu, the priest of the princes, shall not in one letter change this book; but lest there be folly, he shall comment thereupon by the wisdom of Ra-Hoor-Khuit” (36)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Interesting tidbit, Cowley actually did make changes to the original manuscript (such as inserting summed up excerpts from his previous work, The Stele of Revealing and various other spelling and grammatical changes).<o:p></o:p></div>
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-“Who calls us Thelemites will do no wrong, if he look but close into the word. For there are therein Three Grades, The Hermit, and the Lover, and the man of Earth” (40)<o:p></o:p></div>
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The Thelemic Order System has three levels of initiation.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>The Man of Earth</b> is the first level of enlightenment, in which the lesser magicks of nature are taught to the novice Thelemite.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>The Lover</b> is the second level of enlightenment, in which lessons of the first level are expanded upon with more emphasis on the pursuit of knowledge of the greater magicks of nature.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>The Hermit</b> is the third level of enlightenment, in which the Theemic student must follow the pursuit of light and knowledge. It is where one finds inner and personal enlightenment. To achieve this is to achieve the highest form of existence and become a Master of the Universe.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b><u>Chapter 2</u><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhou24ka4mx8RKjH7LC5PbXbD89IrEof90UN189xayhW9WjxzTOd5QPtEbIc4jVZjCur2APl7nyXVMJkkutjYJII9bsuQ2X2MZBGr2XYF9HQwDr-o3EBD6kJV1KY2fP6J81lX2iDfgsxnCI/s1600/stelehadit.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="86" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhou24ka4mx8RKjH7LC5PbXbD89IrEof90UN189xayhW9WjxzTOd5QPtEbIc4jVZjCur2APl7nyXVMJkkutjYJII9bsuQ2X2MZBGr2XYF9HQwDr-o3EBD6kJV1KY2fP6J81lX2iDfgsxnCI/s320/stelehadit.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<u>Hadit</u> </div>
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Heavenly speaker of the second chapter of the book<o:p></o:p></div>
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The spirit within all humans. The masculine counterpart to Nuit.<o:p></o:p></div>
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-“With the just I am eight, and one in eight”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Numbers again. You can read more about the Thelemic meaning of numbers by clicking <a href="http://www.foosthole.net/txts/gematria.pdf">here</a>.</div>
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-“Now a curse on because and his kin!” (28)<o:p></o:p></div>
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“If will stops and cries Why, invoking Because, the Will stops & does nought” (29)<o:p></o:p></div>
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“If power asks why, then is Power weakness” (30)<o:p></o:p></div>
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“Because” is a rebellious word. The answer to the question “because” defines reason, and in Thelema, reason is acquiescent to Will. Crowley states in his later work, The Law Is For All, “It is ridiculous to ask a dog why it barks. One must fulfill one’s true nature, one must do one’s will”, emphasizing this Thelemic school of thought.<o:p></o:p></div>
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-“A Feast…Aye! Feast! Rejoice! There is no dread hereafter. There is the dissolution, and eternal ecstasy in the kisses of Nu” <o:p></o:p>(34 – 44) </div>
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Hadit commands you to rejoice on the path of your true will.<o:p></o:p></div>
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-“There is light before thine eyes, o prophet, a light undesired, most desirable…I am the master: thou art the Holy Chosen One” <o:p></o:p>(61 – 65) </div>
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Hadit’s message seems to be directed toward Crowley himself, as Hadit depicts the joyous rapture which comes with the service of dictating this heavenly prophecy. Crowley would later describe in his piece the old Comment as feeling “swallowed up in ecstacy” while writing this.<o:p></o:p></div>
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-"4 6 3 8 A B K 2 4 A L G M O R 3 Y X 24 89 R P S T O V A L…There cometh one to follow the: he shall expound it” <o:p></o:p>(76) </div>
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Some magicians believe this to be a Cipher, a code, which can be easily solved through a mysterious process. <o:p></o:p></div>
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A wonderful author, G. M. Kelly attempts to decipher this crypic code through several notes and works of Crowley. You can read his article by clicking <a href="http://www.geocities.com/athens/parthenon/7069/riddle.html">here</a>. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<u><b>Chapter 3<o:p></o:p></b></u></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8WHtiKnSSwaaL5DkKvZYyLdgp3gN7N7Y9V1AL_D8-Z2retEywvaYt_RIEINLvK7DOJeZKJZ6cgB_66wVzLWomupa522xdzQ5XVfX4ZaLf7j2dcfQKPcA630L8hbwjyT2LO9JvMRib3rO9/s1600/horus.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8WHtiKnSSwaaL5DkKvZYyLdgp3gN7N7Y9V1AL_D8-Z2retEywvaYt_RIEINLvK7DOJeZKJZ6cgB_66wVzLWomupa522xdzQ5XVfX4ZaLf7j2dcfQKPcA630L8hbwjyT2LO9JvMRib3rO9/s200/horus.jpeg" width="193" /></a></div>
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<u>Ra-Hoor-Khuit</u> </div>
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Heavenly speaker of the third chapter of the book of the law<o:p></o:p></div>
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God of war and vengeance (pay close attention to his words, for they are very war mongering)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Lord of the Aeon<o:p></o:p></div>
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-"Abrahadabra, the reward of a Hoor Khut” <o:p></o:p>(1) </div>
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The word Abrahadabra (with an H, not a C) is, according to Crowley in The Law is for All, the mystical formula for this new Aeon, The Aeon of Horus. The reason is broken down in said book.<o:p></o:p></div>
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-“Sacrifice cattle, little and big: after a child. But not now” (12 – 13)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Interesting tidbit, Crowley had many children with many different women. A good portion of his children died in his lifetime.<o:p></o:p></div>
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-“There cometh a rich man from the West who shall pour gold upon thee…and blessing no longer be poured to the Hawk-headed mystical lord!” (31 - 34)<o:p></o:p></div>
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This is a prophesy of the future, involving the formation of the Thelemic church and the oncoming battle that will ensue. <o:p></o:p></div>
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-Hrumachis – The double lion headed form of Horus. It is an inverted form of the Sphinx, the body of a lion and the head of a man for Hrumachis has the body of a woman and the head(s) of a lioness.<o:p></o:p></div>
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-Mentu – Egyptian war God, lord of Thebes.<o:p></o:p></div>
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-Ankh-af-na-khonsu – a Thebian priest of Mentu from the 26<sup>th</sup> dynasty in Egypt.<o:p></o:p></div>
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-Ra, Tum, Khephra, Ahathoor Bes-na-Maut and Ta-Nech – Egyptian Gods. Ahathoor is better known from history as Hathor, Egyptian Goddess of fertility and love.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOfSIu4Xl2-_0GGo3FSHfkgSVWV9mjcPQSaEslVlQeKr0Df7O06AUDvPpBKuPUQtZSB4lRyxgM8xbHcCfOI1Fir5zHUKGe-P6gmf68bXub0ydBbxZdZf2ukaG88nXRDN9MkRNZnT5hKI5c/s1600/hruma.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="230" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgOfSIu4Xl2-_0GGo3FSHfkgSVWV9mjcPQSaEslVlQeKr0Df7O06AUDvPpBKuPUQtZSB4lRyxgM8xbHcCfOI1Fir5zHUKGe-P6gmf68bXub0ydBbxZdZf2ukaG88nXRDN9MkRNZnT5hKI5c/s320/hruma.jpeg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Hrumachis</i></td></tr>
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-“...and thy comment upon this the Book of the Law shall be printed beautifully in red ink and black upon beautiful paper made by hand” (39)<o:p></o:p></div>
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You can buy a copy of the Book of the Law by clicking <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Book-Law-Liber-Vel-Legis/dp/1578633087/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1316393736&sr=8-1">here</a>.</div>
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made with crappy printer paper and inked with equally crappy printer ink.<o:p></o:p></div>
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-“…let her be shameless before all men” (44)<o:p></o:p></div>
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more metaphorical and literal allusions to sexuality as a powerful tool of magic.<o:p></o:p></div>
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-“With my Hawk’s head I peck at the eyes of Jesus as he hangs upon the cross…For her sake let all chaste women be utterly despised among you” (51 – 55)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Here, Ra-Hoor-Khuit condemns all other religious philosophies, cursing the oppression of all other schools of thought.<o:p></o:p></div>
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-“The ending of the words is the Word Abrahadabra” (75)<o:p></o:p></div>
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And with this, Ra-Hoor-Khuit ends his dictation as he begun it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Aeon of isis<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Pre history<o:p></o:p></div>
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Mankind worshipped a great goddess (Isis)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Mother earth took care of her children - pagan worship<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Aeon of Osiris<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Classical to medieval centuries<o:p></o:p></div>
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Mankind worships a single male god (Osiris)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Patriarchal values – Christian values are the priority<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b>Aeon of Horus<o:p></o:p></b></div>
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1904 –<o:p></o:p></div>
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controlled by the child god, Horus<o:p></o:p></div>
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humanity will enter self realization and self actualization<o:p></o:p></div>
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Did this prophesy actually come to pass? You tell me, Led Zeppelin.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiknhd87uf44hCFujwdry7Cd-hkUuPAsaFRoaoSzhIEt8Oz3uQwZnZXw_uRj44y9a00Xm9CBIUN5NptxKQI8w0jO949ZmVI0sIOzAgFVq628b51HT76rf-mJS4f7prr0B38t4MU_c7rkhb0/s1600/led_zeppelin.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiknhd87uf44hCFujwdry7Cd-hkUuPAsaFRoaoSzhIEt8Oz3uQwZnZXw_uRj44y9a00Xm9CBIUN5NptxKQI8w0jO949ZmVI0sIOzAgFVq628b51HT76rf-mJS4f7prr0B38t4MU_c7rkhb0/s400/led_zeppelin.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-17142067187219266392011-09-16T23:59:00.000-07:002012-01-19T08:43:25.514-08:00Waxwork Review<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAIXLyOHVg15HpDaC1-pyqpWu128ul6IYPgCIAYkh15QcRHz5TjxdqR__McpPgiKxlZapcOh6Smy1tje5OGPrjzuGK7Pt5pqwCdPVeDt3sv0NpW6S0yGPAlbqcXz5T2Ua-OEe7V-sFsPyT/s1600/waxwork.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgAIXLyOHVg15HpDaC1-pyqpWu128ul6IYPgCIAYkh15QcRHz5TjxdqR__McpPgiKxlZapcOh6Smy1tje5OGPrjzuGK7Pt5pqwCdPVeDt3sv0NpW6S0yGPAlbqcXz5T2Ua-OEe7V-sFsPyT/s400/waxwork.jpeg" width="255" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">This movie is silly, with a capital S-I to the L-L-Y. Everything from the wax figures (that are clearly actors working as hard as they can to stand still), to the classically trained cast easily fit to perform Shakespeare but got wrangled into something significantly worse; this movie. But does that mean I don’t like it? Hell no! I love it! It captures the horror genre of the 80s perfectly. It also pays homage to so many other horror classics. Though the film does not end up being about what you might expect a movie called Waxwork to be about, it manages to leave you feeling thoroughly entertained in all the right ways.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">David Warner is David Lincoln, a man who sold his soul to the devil for power and immortality. His waxwork is filled with demonic wax figures, hungry for the souls of mortals. We first meet Lincoln seducing a group of college students (sounds like a wild Saturday night jailbait monster mash if you ask me) to come view his wax collection, in hopes of turning them all into wax monsters (and no, I am not talking about THAT wax collection of his, you perverts). Once he fills his quota of exhibits, he will turn them all into living monsters and use them to destroy the world. Of Course!!!<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN0jw_nUw6xHT4Egx_xrXAMg2jffcRjKVsSQ2DRXrg1UhYi4PfmcZhhuJIm9-c2VuvFuTFn-om6-g6kliy35VMiysNEzQPTAbt477sOG7z0DqEGqdtZPgaUQUK_COFc0k-qGuoostqCGfT/s1600/w16.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjN0jw_nUw6xHT4Egx_xrXAMg2jffcRjKVsSQ2DRXrg1UhYi4PfmcZhhuJIm9-c2VuvFuTFn-om6-g6kliy35VMiysNEzQPTAbt477sOG7z0DqEGqdtZPgaUQUK_COFc0k-qGuoostqCGfT/s320/w16.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Would you fine young ladies care to come inside for a lick of my snozberry?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">Like most so-bad-it’s-good movies, the cast is beyond belief. I always find it amazing how often the best actors are on the front of the line of the soup kitchen when in fact they really belong at the dining table of the immortal bard. David Warner is (as always) my favorite example of this concept. He’s been in the acting business for almost fifty years, starting out as a Shakespearian actor. He moved onto film and television in the mid to late 60’s, having performed in various BBC television movies. Sometime towards the 70’s, David became a regular in the horror genre (most notably, 1976’s The Omen). I suppose it makes logical sense for any actor to leave the theatre; even the best of Shakespeare’s minions need to eat, and there are very few venues that will pay you for acting in the theatre. Unless you like rat soup with pickles fermented in pussy juice (and on occasion I do). With this in mind, I recommend glancing over Warner’s credentials. He has one of the most diverse and long running resumes I have seen for an actor in the past fifty years, and he’s been appearing in everything since before Nicholas Cage made it cool to do so. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik8wQMDi0jKlb3Gc7nuf2nwM5GAvX70-xafav0kL6ZG8VRPSX3P9bgKKLtwKrGYDSDfgdSg77vsPWkoCu2zbeqV2jirnB-qfmZZA1QGjSoTMHuqafBucouCreEZqlV_TKsmGtY8YWgtpgK/s1600/w11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEik8wQMDi0jKlb3Gc7nuf2nwM5GAvX70-xafav0kL6ZG8VRPSX3P9bgKKLtwKrGYDSDfgdSg77vsPWkoCu2zbeqV2jirnB-qfmZZA1QGjSoTMHuqafBucouCreEZqlV_TKsmGtY8YWgtpgK/s320/w11.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">Despite how absurd the character or the story he is performing behaves, he throws himself into the role as though it were Richard the 2<sup>rd</sup> (interestingly enough, he played the starring role in England). Even when he knows the rolls he is playing are complete shit, he sure does have fun performing them. This has never been more evident than here, in Waxwork. He can deliver a cheesy one liner with more sincerity than Helena Bonham Carter at a baby eating convention. Even seriously reciting the line “They’ll make a movie about anything these days” when told that the Phantom of the Opera has been adapted to the big screen on several occasions. Ignore the fact that Warner’s character is a century old wizard and should know a tad bit about pop culture. He delivers the obnoxiously silly line without cracking a sneer. I sometimes wonder if he even knows how undignified the parts he plays are, but it really doesn’t matter. He makes them dignified. And in a movie filled with silly one liners, self parodying jokes and living wax figures, it helps to have a sturdy anchor like Warner on your set. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDEicJseQio2QLvciTRXowSMIE6JP_9NKkZDzaezF4zn5SwtOeCrhnxJuDi4juu4JOnYmHLTqgdXiUlMiWaH2sQb3uDard89sV0YMJQSF2UR5BqMD9hQqgsEuPzh9R_U7QJpUigwDmnTDE/s1600/w12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDEicJseQio2QLvciTRXowSMIE6JP_9NKkZDzaezF4zn5SwtOeCrhnxJuDi4juu4JOnYmHLTqgdXiUlMiWaH2sQb3uDard89sV0YMJQSF2UR5BqMD9hQqgsEuPzh9R_U7QJpUigwDmnTDE/s320/w12.jpg" width="320" /></a>The monsters are very memorable. Even if they do not look “real” they sure do look scary, or at least intriguing. Take the Wolf Man for example. John Rhys-Davies plays the wax figure of a werewolf. Like all the other figures, he has his own exhibit that comes to life when someone stumbles into it. One of the first victims in the film, being an idiot, does just this and falls into the werewolf dimension (did I just call it the Werewolf’s Dimension? I’d like to see a movie about that). The werewolf transformation sequence is quite silly. And though the monster’s mouth and features barely move (it’s more of a mask than a prosthetic or animatronic), it still looks pretty cool. The other monsters are pretty out of sight as well. There is a snake person, a talking plant that actually begs you to feed it ala Little Shop of Horrors, vampires, a plethora of zombies, and many other supernatural baddies. I love every single one of these monsters, mostly because I love looking at the makeup and special effects used to create them. Thankfully this film was shot in the 80s. I’d hate to see what they would do if it were shot today; everything would be CGI. And I hate the overuse of CGI for low budget movies. Don’t worry Asylum Films, your day is coming soon.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJfkYt0dLEXoMLSK2G5M5EviJi9bwFbKI0ytlXIilLi0leCjQ442r3lOCU4-y5icFwsNBSbxPTRa7O6S5aygcuC47-5R1vspxLd3LlPCL_0FkjxFs5nhHydanHD6UtTe6Kp5_KaD82Cppa/s1600/w7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJfkYt0dLEXoMLSK2G5M5EviJi9bwFbKI0ytlXIilLi0leCjQ442r3lOCU4-y5icFwsNBSbxPTRa7O6S5aygcuC47-5R1vspxLd3LlPCL_0FkjxFs5nhHydanHD6UtTe6Kp5_KaD82Cppa/s320/w7.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">The climax of this film is one of the best I have seen in a while; it’s a battle between mythical monsters and old people. You heard me right, mythical monster versus the elderly. I know I sound like I am being a critical creature, but I do not exaggerate. In the last half hour of the film, Zach Galligan and Deborah Foreman are trapped in the waxwork. They are forced to watch the wax figures come to life and when they do, they will kill the two and destroy the world. So tell me, when faced with the threat of apocalyptic death, what is the first thing you would pray to come and save you? Perhaps a team of well trained samurai? Or a band of magic wielding demon hunters weathered by centuries of combat? You’d be completely wrong of course. </div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbz9OlcQU35EmCeecrTRnMmkMp2OmbjyM3GuASQz_l3GfYWJw8lHn-SmNcctvlx4jJewEQv2VQu8LcwLH6wHXFfQA8D-Bh8xlbobH88-0QflOsgcGiccqZv6NSpgNZU4PEmLhUNz5h7jLX/s1600/w6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbz9OlcQU35EmCeecrTRnMmkMp2OmbjyM3GuASQz_l3GfYWJw8lHn-SmNcctvlx4jJewEQv2VQu8LcwLH6wHXFfQA8D-Bh8xlbobH88-0QflOsgcGiccqZv6NSpgNZU4PEmLhUNz5h7jLX/s320/w6.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">The correct answer is a gaggle of geriatrics armed with guns, swords, motor broncos and walkers. Sir Wilfred, an old man in a motor bronco played by John Steed himself, Patrick Macnee, is the character responsible for rounding up this brave collection of souls. He has been preparing to battle David Warner for decades, and finally, now at the brink of the apocalypse, these long toothed heroes have their chance to use their cunning and their canes to destroy the monsters and save the world. They succeed of course, (which says a lot about the durability of these world ending wax figures) marking a wonderful period in horror cinema history where a film carries a subliminal message about the importance of gerontological studies. The band of aging soldiers blow up the waxwork and everything inside, how more fantastical can an ending get? Perhaps if the only thing to survive the explosion besides our two heroes was the crawling hand of a wax zombie, leaving enough room for a sequel? (and a sequel there was. Trust me friends, that blog will come soon). What an ending.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRZHgilv6v8GtCW0xqQLPGTUHjU73AWtpqvUM0p_BfZhguHKoyU4zGyDMTTsvAlz2toiVIZNqYbmJWBdRRjUQilnoqHg5e7TgIanEnR0yxZiPQ9hc2G6GXcTuFnLcVGJThkrCt8_Cdqggi/s1600/w5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRZHgilv6v8GtCW0xqQLPGTUHjU73AWtpqvUM0p_BfZhguHKoyU4zGyDMTTsvAlz2toiVIZNqYbmJWBdRRjUQilnoqHg5e7TgIanEnR0yxZiPQ9hc2G6GXcTuFnLcVGJThkrCt8_Cdqggi/s320/w5.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mrs. Peel, We're Needed</td></tr>
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNnXWyahZnJMnLRvGu0hY4Jg5ovNrYvM0vxcyDOYF2ed0F6k9vkLy8BKu0wkUj90w1mTOrhvFYsJl5Q3ETWxEMp3yENEOrT7q3B00wx1K4bOUcFXJhS8I4ShqhNnvQs381hiQLYuEo0mwf/s1600/w3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNnXWyahZnJMnLRvGu0hY4Jg5ovNrYvM0vxcyDOYF2ed0F6k9vkLy8BKu0wkUj90w1mTOrhvFYsJl5Q3ETWxEMp3yENEOrT7q3B00wx1K4bOUcFXJhS8I4ShqhNnvQs381hiQLYuEo0mwf/s320/w3.jpg" width="320" /></a>Waxwork’s strongest element is its self-parodies and references. Because each exhibit is a scene from an iconic horror movie (The Wolf Man, Dracula, the Mummy, Phantom of the Opera, Night of the Living Dead and many more classic gems) there are a great deal of sequences that recapture the various different styles of horror of each designated film. This makes Waxwork feel rather like an anthology film or a showcase of horror, where various different monsters get an opportunity to entertain the audience the best they can. There is very little fright within the waxwork itself however, because the figures cannot actually hurt you. You must be thrown into the exhibits for them to be able to do anything. This is not exactly what I pictured in my head when I first heard the title. What did you picture? I thought of a movie with a bunch of wax models that come to life and killed people; or a place where people are covered in wax and turned into exhibits. As it turns out, both of these scenarios are true for this film, but the focus of the film is more on the battle against the magical dark forces.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">I highly recommend Waxwork for any audience interested in having a good laugh. With memorable monsters, a wonderful cast and a very epic finale, this film is most definitely worth a hearty round of applause from the peanut gallery.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0siToitKXjsfRWLfO7x0QOBr-C0dqsPLQt3Oo7_lsE8jOqT0U_gUBOQRp2OMY9l7b1BpARTe9MPOObyFZzZcsxJbADrCF1zhpI0eoP9bjo40rbgEmdzyVHY__PxTziLCj_kpxfN1OoksM/s1600/w14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0siToitKXjsfRWLfO7x0QOBr-C0dqsPLQt3Oo7_lsE8jOqT0U_gUBOQRp2OMY9l7b1BpARTe9MPOObyFZzZcsxJbADrCF1zhpI0eoP9bjo40rbgEmdzyVHY__PxTziLCj_kpxfN1OoksM/s320/w14.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">One final note. I love this guy. Can I take him home and keep him please?</td></tr>
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</div>Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-20846468532186906832011-08-07T21:00:00.000-07:002011-09-17T09:01:38.128-07:00Pumpkinhead Review<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4qR2mL008iiM0f6gs-S32VtabU3w2flr66j_NwtsTN3fRg8lJG3xDcuUGSFSHOSLRFh9kjvInuWC4HySkSj85KIH2gHEu7hDg1_DLDuPPeRQEdIZKFey1j1sZ4YIQ-wTFjYPDjONdZgmo/s1600/pkh9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4qR2mL008iiM0f6gs-S32VtabU3w2flr66j_NwtsTN3fRg8lJG3xDcuUGSFSHOSLRFh9kjvInuWC4HySkSj85KIH2gHEu7hDg1_DLDuPPeRQEdIZKFey1j1sZ4YIQ-wTFjYPDjONdZgmo/s400/pkh9.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="MsoNormal"></div><div class="MsoNormal"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small;">In each of man’s evils, a special demon exists. </span></div></td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal">I used to live in the closet of Kenneth “Broomstick Killer” McDuff. Before the insanity kicked in full swing, he used to barter stories with me to keep me from slitting his throat at night. My favorite story was about his trips to the farmers market as a child. Every Sunday, his grandma took him for long walks along the woods to the local farmer’s market. On the way home, strolling along the path, his grandmother told him a story about those woods that went a little something like this.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiExlvRd0az0C5tW8TV1a0wdvRdFPLF2WKGJi82mnI43MAjw1qF_OIVmhswk-1TTCmbEmdFp21M3JgAn9xt3brnCD9l9aG5OylMPgyqJG0N5pUuhLiUMTun0lpRekF0-sQtkCMKxh4kPN_n/s1600/PKH29.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiExlvRd0az0C5tW8TV1a0wdvRdFPLF2WKGJi82mnI43MAjw1qF_OIVmhswk-1TTCmbEmdFp21M3JgAn9xt3brnCD9l9aG5OylMPgyqJG0N5pUuhLiUMTun0lpRekF0-sQtkCMKxh4kPN_n/s320/PKH29.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="font-size: 13px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;">“You know you had a brother once; before you were born, and he was a bad boy. You know what happened to your brother? Your mommy and daddy took him in those woods and left him there. To this day he still lives there. And if you are bad, that’s what’s gonna happen to you too.”</span></div></td></tr>
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</div><div class="MsoNormal">When I asked him why he thought she told him this, his answer was, “that’s what southern people do”. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnqR3d4_ATkIfmxYe83XvfDLeg-_sdDfQ0qwcri81y7loE9esps_bUhYkZdystgC4UvWuCYXVYF0Ix-5qf3mPZ3dCR4GeP2Ko6hgN9CJI9rPRXuLDyLie80wfAK-5brKT9Ajx3wnR9NnLf/s1600/pkh4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnqR3d4_ATkIfmxYe83XvfDLeg-_sdDfQ0qwcri81y7loE9esps_bUhYkZdystgC4UvWuCYXVYF0Ix-5qf3mPZ3dCR4GeP2Ko6hgN9CJI9rPRXuLDyLie80wfAK-5brKT9Ajx3wnR9NnLf/s320/pkh4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>As a horrible closet monster, I have the honorable distinction of using fear as the greatest tool in my armament. Because of this, I find it amazing southern parents also use this tool to keep their children in line. By far, my favorite example of this idea is Stuart Gordon’s Directorial film debut, Pumpkinhead. This is one of my favorites. It’s imaginative; successfully fusing the ancient fairy tale story structure with the culture of low class southern Americana. The film stars Lance Henricksen as Ed Harley, a southern country gentleman who seeks vengeance for the death of his son Billy at the hands of irresponsible drunk driving city slickin’ teenagers. With the help of Haggis, the old witch from the woods, he summons the demon of vengeance to brutally murder the teenagers. There are many elements to this movie that I like. Brutal murder is my favorite, but we can talk about that later. The setup is suspenseful, the monster looks fucking amazing and the art and lighting departments did a superb job working together as a team. But my favorite element of this film is the writing; it is intelligent and offers just enough exposition to not talk down to an audience while at the same time giving them enough information to understand what is going on.<br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKWiINw9iLPdQLocj_XH3NSLhnxDwna20vyOT9JN5AuzvHPjgFrMiiZmghtvn1mtPZQIl9edbY6kPh_IauBIT6nbWoamJD6SVdsjzZaG9s-sjnHNwFdDekJchMsZqIe3F8ok7whahnXxGA/s1600/PKH24.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKWiINw9iLPdQLocj_XH3NSLhnxDwna20vyOT9JN5AuzvHPjgFrMiiZmghtvn1mtPZQIl9edbY6kPh_IauBIT6nbWoamJD6SVdsjzZaG9s-sjnHNwFdDekJchMsZqIe3F8ok7whahnXxGA/s320/PKH24.jpg" width="320" /></a><o:p> </o:p>Before we jump in, it is worth mentioning that the script of this film was inspired by a poem written by Ed Justin. I wish we could dig some more information up on the poet, but according to my resources, he killed himself many years ago. (Please send me some contradicting information about this if you have it and I will post an update.) </div><div class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyFtuujq_mCKlSeHNVyYpnFji2TSoCS0JTYNP02hoTG-CDnUiBWN9HLtHe623qTZdYVDxZuVJZ5dFaJwGT7xbeEfE_szwZ9kCIza3Wsm1C2h7q2buqCMyIpRk5UPZK-jK5bTmw8AKe38o9/s1600/PKH17.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyFtuujq_mCKlSeHNVyYpnFji2TSoCS0JTYNP02hoTG-CDnUiBWN9HLtHe623qTZdYVDxZuVJZ5dFaJwGT7xbeEfE_szwZ9kCIza3Wsm1C2h7q2buqCMyIpRk5UPZK-jK5bTmw8AKe38o9/s320/PKH17.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Pumpkinhead is a demon from a story told to the local kids in a backwater southern town to keep them from doing “bad” things (like slicing the lips from off of your sisters and turning them into a necklace…I remember those days…). As the story goes, if you do something horrible to another person, that person can solicit the old witch from the woods and she will drag pumpkinhead up from hell to avenge you for your loss. The children believe the story is fake, but it turns out the parents tell the story because they all know too well how real it is. This whole concept of “the fucked up things your parents are telling you are actually true” is a very scary one. Imagine if it were true that you grow hair from your palms when you masturbate. Or that Bloody Mary actually killed you when you said her name in the mirror. Or if you kill anyone, an 8 foot tall demon will hunt you down and rape you. This is a story telling element that has been used in most of my favorite horror movies, such as Clive Barker’s Candyman and Neil Jordan’s The Company of Wolves. The movie begins with Ed as a little boy witnessing Pumpkinhead killing a suspected child murderer. Years after this frightening encounter, Ed is a middle aged single father, who owns a convenience store in the middle of nowhere. A group of teens drive across the country with all terrain motorcycles and an endless supply of beer. When the asshole of the group accidentally kills Ed’s son while driving his dirt bike drunk through the desert, Ed craves for penance to be paid with of a pound of flesh. That’s when the demon comes in to slice some throats. My favorite death is when Pumpkinhead grabs a female victim by the hair and presses her face against a glass window of the hut where her friends and her are camping out. He taunts the kids inside as well as the girl, giving his victim one last glimpse of her friends before smashing her head through the glass, killing her. </div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnagjbYK01rMQ6A-rWIgKpeto-P292O-_faKjZxqTAv4POcBMbNBos-Bb1le2mLWDXXoUEQgJnpw9aL2lddh-aUI5M4H7QWJmv8KWJ71f6HvkH48k6fEK3EEErG37Yj8Sa3cnfquPvaRp9/s1600/PKH19.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnagjbYK01rMQ6A-rWIgKpeto-P292O-_faKjZxqTAv4POcBMbNBos-Bb1le2mLWDXXoUEQgJnpw9aL2lddh-aUI5M4H7QWJmv8KWJ71f6HvkH48k6fEK3EEErG37Yj8Sa3cnfquPvaRp9/s320/PKH19.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Looks like Macaulay Culkin after his mother threw him off a cliff...Oh wait...That's from "The Good Son"</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixubTWk_TyUSc4Y6WyxX4HYwjPyPGmHeXGb4Zx4TOHQtZgWSgJj-19PgcIs8bQpak2kYJrMIhPUXSvK65cLHCbUgcctU_LN7qoHCrTbPpQqvKjBhfa9bRuk8OROm_kOY1lHYpjYZi1k4FN/s1600/PKH21.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixubTWk_TyUSc4Y6WyxX4HYwjPyPGmHeXGb4Zx4TOHQtZgWSgJj-19PgcIs8bQpak2kYJrMIhPUXSvK65cLHCbUgcctU_LN7qoHCrTbPpQqvKjBhfa9bRuk8OROm_kOY1lHYpjYZi1k4FN/s320/PKH21.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>I know I can be a little snarky (to say the least) but if you were to ask me who my favorite monster was, the answer wouldn’t be myself; it would be Pumpkinhead. The thing is awesome. It’s such a huge creature, easily overpowering anyone gutsy enough to stand before it. It has big powerful limbs and long, sleek, reptilian fingers with sharp nails protruding from each digit. Its head is rather swollen, but is not actually a pumpkin. The legend of the beast doesn’t even incorporate the shape of its head as the reason behind its name. They call it Pumpkinhead because it comes from the old “pumpkin Patch Graveyard”. The only other backstory we get about this graveyard is from a bit of exposition from Haggis. She tells us that the graveyard is actually called “Razorback Hollow” and it’s the place where Mountain folk used to bury his kin in there. “Kin they’s ashamed of,” she says. The demon requires a vessel to enter this plane of existence, so his body is actually a possessed corpse dug up from the graveyard, transformed into the creature’s demonic manifestation. This is the one thing I can say that I have over this creature; he requires help to cross through other worlds and astral bodies and I can travel through closets.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkvzsznSvCFacRbCIVV219y1pOLWOhaeCbMn6AaJrZmEWT6Clz6TZbcPoL7fcPILven4beZ9E9lAbp1X7kiW0TY637K1iBtPWmLxKjMcOh7AYc7mnxxlAQJO-utQ6CwIz_2n4SW-D-R1As/s1600/PKH28.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgkvzsznSvCFacRbCIVV219y1pOLWOhaeCbMn6AaJrZmEWT6Clz6TZbcPoL7fcPILven4beZ9E9lAbp1X7kiW0TY637K1iBtPWmLxKjMcOh7AYc7mnxxlAQJO-utQ6CwIz_2n4SW-D-R1As/s320/PKH28.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal">This movie’s art and lighting departments are really stellar. I can actually get sucked into this world because the environment looks and feels real. This is because the lighting and art department worked as a team to create the film’s customized feel and suspense. The scenery, props and (as stated before) the monster are all wonderfully stylized works of art, but what makes it all feel as authentic as it does is how little we see of it. This was achieved with a plethora of shadow play and an overall high contrast for most of the suspenseful sequences. But shadows aren’t the only tool the DP is uses to create suspense; he also uses an interesting color pallet to make the setting distinctive. This includes a great deal of oranges and reds for interior shots and blues and blacks for night exterior shots. This use of color and forced perspective allows the audience’s imagination to run wild. What is the back-story to this creepy ass graveyard? Do all demons look like Pumpkinhead? How did this evil witch get so evil? And despite these questions, I am still thoroughly entertained. That is the sign of a good movie to me; it takes me somewhere, brings me back, gives me at least a chill and leaves me satisfied, but still wanting more.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbM2W_l06VuKOSfg-eX2715o4Tt8WJZn1OeeKpDcewC-ohoPuOzyqXYEgIl3p8DpQmXuZZ7WWP8LKz8jhnYCjNs-Ee0jQ7ympW5o0ays8eeYBhG10B-5stkzSHBOqiFdc43eDcKooeWCrn/s1600/PKH23.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="173" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbM2W_l06VuKOSfg-eX2715o4Tt8WJZn1OeeKpDcewC-ohoPuOzyqXYEgIl3p8DpQmXuZZ7WWP8LKz8jhnYCjNs-Ee0jQ7ympW5o0ays8eeYBhG10B-5stkzSHBOqiFdc43eDcKooeWCrn/s320/PKH23.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Pumpkinhead is one of the most under rated horror films I have ever seen. Do yourself a favor and get a copy. But heed my words, avoid the sequels. They have nothing to do with this gem and only serve to muddy the franchise. If you'd like to get yourself a good Pumpkinhead fix, read the Dark Horse comic book Pumpkinhead, the Rites of Exorcism. It was a direct spinoff of the movie. Only two comic books were released, even though it was written as a four parter. Because of this, it ends on a cliffhanger, but I gotta say it's well worth the incredibly short read for any die hard fan. But for you real hardcore die hard fans, here is the original poem, which sparked the creation of this wonderful movie.<br />
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<div class="MsoNormal">Keep away from Pumpkinhead,</div><div class="MsoNormal">Unless you're tired of living,</div><div class="MsoNormal">His enemies are mostly dead,</div><div class="MsoNormal">He's mean and unforgiving,</div><div class="MsoNormal">Laugh at him and you're undone,</div><div class="MsoNormal">But in some dreadful fashion,</div><div class="MsoNormal">Vengeance he considers fun,</div><div class="MsoNormal">and plans it with a passion,</div><div class="MsoNormal">Time will not erase or blot,</div><div class="MsoNormal">A plot that he has brewing,</div><div class="MsoNormal">It's when you think that he's forgot,</div><div class="MsoNormal">He'' conjure your undoing,</div><div class="MsoNormal">Bolted doors and windows barred,</div><div class="MsoNormal">Guard dogs prowling in the yard,</div><div class="MsoNormal">Won't protect you in your bed,</div><div class="MsoNormal">Nothing will, from Pumpkinhead.</div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal"><i>~Ed Justin</i></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal">Eloquent words, if I do say so myself.</div></div><div class="MsoNormal"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7zhll4f9tKIF1w3BdEDOkWtqI8M8pX6A75sNhjX7dz7UaQ7-Y3gOe_OJzuj4c4usjngvirieJ_U-oHOqtvp58ZDfz9FLUvtQW8Kmcez2VQbhcGiQfp8V6hRsXgcxTmgjydHMiacxS2Z07/s1600/PKH1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="216" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7zhll4f9tKIF1w3BdEDOkWtqI8M8pX6A75sNhjX7dz7UaQ7-Y3gOe_OJzuj4c4usjngvirieJ_U-oHOqtvp58ZDfz9FLUvtQW8Kmcez2VQbhcGiQfp8V6hRsXgcxTmgjydHMiacxS2Z07/s400/PKH1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-13905722536658290022011-07-19T18:38:00.000-07:002011-07-19T18:39:20.926-07:00The Company Of Wolves Review<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin6j_eVeH4TD2I3AojMyvXso7u91mHtaGeV9-TVsYXHnffB1RfublbKO3XifR-RbtV1uQrtP2_138J17CGnRJ3GCwRf8Q8_MvaKYjsSvlEY05icyDrymv1cK_9gBQaKGLion9X7fN1PQVv/s1600/wolves3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="231" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEin6j_eVeH4TD2I3AojMyvXso7u91mHtaGeV9-TVsYXHnffB1RfublbKO3XifR-RbtV1uQrtP2_138J17CGnRJ3GCwRf8Q8_MvaKYjsSvlEY05icyDrymv1cK_9gBQaKGLion9X7fN1PQVv/s400/wolves3.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
For as long as anyone can remember, Werewolves have been a very popular literary element for myths, legends, fairy tales, books, comic books, movies, music, puppet shows and every other form of storytelling ever invented. They can represent the frightening changes that one feels in their bodies as they develop from children into fully-grown adults. They can also represent the dark and suppressed desires of man that may erupt uncontrollably at any given time and without remorse or respect. Who hasn’t felt the call of the wild at some time or another? On a full moon in a clear, black sky, who doesn’t suppress the urge to get on all fours, bay to the night and rip apart the person standing next to you? I know I have. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKuBJdIq7aQrGE0Ry3ZWu7sKJSOjYMatkrc7O0xkLQBUoiA64AXrcDyFh3ippmDv8YH1oBVq1UWxG_SajDdMuoUUAV0fSbNgNT9kk7hXC4j-U79x20RopybaqenY6ILqumxi2aaGmXx6kZ/s1600/wolves7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKuBJdIq7aQrGE0Ry3ZWu7sKJSOjYMatkrc7O0xkLQBUoiA64AXrcDyFh3ippmDv8YH1oBVq1UWxG_SajDdMuoUUAV0fSbNgNT9kk7hXC4j-U79x20RopybaqenY6ILqumxi2aaGmXx6kZ/s320/wolves7.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>For those of you who have ever enjoyed either werewolf mythology or fairy tales the way they are supposed to be told (you know: dark, gritty and full of death), there is little reason you would not enjoy this film. The Company of Wolves is a series of tales about Werewolves told through the nightmares of Rosaleen, a young woman living a suppressed and unfulfilling life. In her nightmares, she lives in an ancient forest town with her mother and father and spends much of her time with her Granny (Angela Lansbury). Granny takes a particular shine to Rosaleen due to the recent death of her sister, who was eaten by wolves. Granny knits Rosaleen a bright red shawl and tells her folk tales of the dangers of wolves and men whose “eyebrows meet”. The biggest critiques I have for this film all stem from the technical aspects of the production, specifically, bad lighting and cinematography. Despite this, the acting, writing and special effects are pretty spot on. I like to tell people this movie’s heart is in the right place, because of its frank and authentic respect for its subject matter. Most importantly, like all good fairy tales, it captures an intrinsic message about the natures of good, evil and the call of the wild within all humans on a subliminal level. If I do say so myself, this film seizes the essence of a Grimm Fairy Tale better than any other film I have ever seen (feel free to throw me some recommendations for others…I’d love to see them). <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizWTRDIl8xCh1_G1tL_DeYJ6CVYUOkCRnLF6vq6GbERg5pwKvPJSA76IVGgah2lex-FawFoC7hOO42PFFSmigUmq-g3B1eqfoYeSPZvS2nC_f5LnflzaLDsHB_OSTGB3_0SSl8JZhxJYJ8/s1600/wolves10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizWTRDIl8xCh1_G1tL_DeYJ6CVYUOkCRnLF6vq6GbERg5pwKvPJSA76IVGgah2lex-FawFoC7hOO42PFFSmigUmq-g3B1eqfoYeSPZvS2nC_f5LnflzaLDsHB_OSTGB3_0SSl8JZhxJYJ8/s320/wolves10.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Let’s get the bad stuff out of the way. It has been a long time since I have seen a film with this high a budget and this level of blatant misuse of lighting and cinematography. The entire time I was watching, I struggled to believe that the scene took place on anything other than a set built on a sound stage. Interestingly enough, the set looked really cool. What killed the illusion was the over use of master shots and the incredibly harsh and unrealistic lighting. So who is to blame? That was a very tough question to answer but damn it if I wasn’t not going to try. My first instinct was to blame the director, Neil Jordan. Neil is a veteran writer/director in Hollywood and was the mastermind behind such films as In Dreams, The Crying Game and Interview with the Vampire. He is also the man most responsible for making the film, having co written it, directed it and pursued the writer of the original short story, Angela Carter, to achieve the rights for it in the first place. Despite that over half way through the movie the production value increased, the majority of the film is flat, fake and unimaginative with its visual storytelling. Isn’t the director the mastermind behind every aesthetic and creative decision on a film production? Surely he is the one to blame, I thought to myself. But as I was busy grinding my axe and readying myself to pay Mr. Jordan a visit at his home, I decided to give the film a second chance. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgopZklwxDoDcRm1UXZb4YsJsT8MUEY25ObuODenip92pD2GhjipWc7uSXQqXbHeG_eBx6rulw0u5Qea-izRr7_JjSfdIm1AWfmVHUHk93ceF-s4RtN9KQXCWF_2kCaSkSE5Rqn9AF8iVE2/s1600/wolves5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgopZklwxDoDcRm1UXZb4YsJsT8MUEY25ObuODenip92pD2GhjipWc7uSXQqXbHeG_eBx6rulw0u5Qea-izRr7_JjSfdIm1AWfmVHUHk93ceF-s4RtN9KQXCWF_2kCaSkSE5Rqn9AF8iVE2/s320/wolves5.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>On my second screening, I realized how unfair I had been for laying the blame on Mr. Jordan. After all, it wasn’t really the film as a whole that was a problem; it was the technical aspects. So I got to thinking, who is the head of the lighting and camera departments? The answer is the Director of Photography, Bryan Loftus. I have never seen this man’s work before in any other movie, so I am not in a position to bash his skills as a cinematographer. But I feel more than privileged to condemn the job he did for this picture. Perhaps at the end of the day Mr. Loftus is not the cinematic devil of film making (cough, cough, Tommy Wiseau. Cough, cough). For all I know, he could have excelled to cinematic excellence since the 27 years this film was made. But I get the feeling that with a better DP, Mr. Jordan would have made a much more classic and memorable piece of cinema. Finally, I won’t spoil it, but the ending definitely leaves you wanting more. Perhaps this is a good thing, but I found myself scratching my head a little longer than I wanted too. Oh well. This is an early Neil Jordan piece, and that is evident specifically from the costume and makeup designs. It looks like the characters are prototypes for Jordan’s 90’s mainstream classic, Interview with the Vampire. Specifically, their style of dress and the long flowing hair on top of the heads of the rugged mythical beasties make them look suspiciously like Louis and Lestat. But this isn’t really a bad thing. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4ahjHz5aogNuzsZ3Gmf8eWWlM_ZFsEjDA2z5ERPYMa_I8xw1ObWmN4wcrA-Z75WqDuMs5gJ69nZGAuidw6z_Ro5WNHrJNKzMj77tPsYcW28LHcLIdmiWQUuYzQY8OdQqcIo4a1_eGu2gq/s1600/wolves14.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj4ahjHz5aogNuzsZ3Gmf8eWWlM_ZFsEjDA2z5ERPYMa_I8xw1ObWmN4wcrA-Z75WqDuMs5gJ69nZGAuidw6z_Ro5WNHrJNKzMj77tPsYcW28LHcLIdmiWQUuYzQY8OdQqcIo4a1_eGu2gq/s320/wolves14.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>The movie had some stellar special effects. It’s chock full of decapitations, werewolf transformations, mutilations and fairly innovative visual effects. It is clear that Jordan was profoundly inspired for the transformation sequences by the two heavy weight champions of the modern day interpretation of the Werewolf, The Howling and an American Werewolf in London. However, he makes the sequence unforgettable by adding his own creative spin to it, which to my knowledge had not been used before (the werewolf clawing its way out of the mouth of its human form). The only flaw I saw in any of this was that I sometimes saw too much of the transformation. Looking at an animatronic for too long takes away It’s believability, and as such, I wish the werewolf transformations were masked just a tad more with slightly dimmer lighting and less inserts of the effect (once again, I blame bad lighting and bad cinematography). The decapitations were awesome. My favorite gag is when the husband of a young woman chops off the head of a werewolf and it falls into a bucket of milk. The wolf head is completely submerged in the milk and bobs back up as a human head, all in one shot. Classic. Though to be fair, I should mention I raised an eyebrow not once but twice when I saw Rosaleen’s childhood toys come alive and attack her sister when she shrinks down to their size. Those costumes are laughably bad. But this sequence was simply not enough to make me hate the art department.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3j7dvR0Vm4WRnfCbEEjahoIpnxnqmgOCXr-Z96j6xiSMWwjLmfR54bxvRaq8N8bBXa5lryB7dmL196e1YOfxjp0cUzlX-_UctRrECJCH37mjvOfih1wtsA3ymnnn8N4Ck2VsX2ERrsXZV/s1600/wolves9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3j7dvR0Vm4WRnfCbEEjahoIpnxnqmgOCXr-Z96j6xiSMWwjLmfR54bxvRaq8N8bBXa5lryB7dmL196e1YOfxjp0cUzlX-_UctRrECJCH37mjvOfih1wtsA3ymnnn8N4Ck2VsX2ERrsXZV/s320/wolves9.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>The writing was very impressive. The story was fairly intangible and may not sit well with major blockbuster audiences. But it offers a great deal of insight into the mind of young people, specifically young ladies. We watch Rosaleen learning to cope with the darkness of the world as she grows from her innocent self to a more sophisticated and in some ways, corrupt individual. I have definitely seen more linear stories about the loss of one’s innocence, but this fairy tale reminds me of Lewis Carroll’s Through The Looking Glass (the original literary piece, not the Disney movie). The environment is dream like and fantastical, but it is frightening and dangerous as well. The allusions to Little Red Riding Hood are very clear and speak to the post-punk young teen audience of the 80’s effectively, and even many young people today. Ironically the only thing to make this movie dated is the bad mother fucking lighting and bad mother fucking cinematography!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGvGOvXIg8C3ZMF6F_-81F2UuYunVQ8Xoy8-8bEyYS5pUY7zLl2ehjbJBnhOqfJgJQ7Hdo1Oro09iykK5z_2uEoHGkCaCU-tgoS3hgKBKYjy67wWTuDhK0I0YUXkla7WWacING0KVOALgY/s1600/wolves13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhGvGOvXIg8C3ZMF6F_-81F2UuYunVQ8Xoy8-8bEyYS5pUY7zLl2ehjbJBnhOqfJgJQ7Hdo1Oro09iykK5z_2uEoHGkCaCU-tgoS3hgKBKYjy67wWTuDhK0I0YUXkla7WWacING0KVOALgY/s320/wolves13.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>The cast oozes with talent. We’ve got David Warner, Angela Lansbury, Terence Stamp (playing THE DEVIL!), Stephen Rea and a million other celebrities from across the pond. I don’t know what it is about the British, but they have a great deal of integrity in every performance they put on, no matter how silly the film they are in may be. Perhaps it is because they understand the implications of coming from the land of the immortal bard and wish to live up to that standard. But such a speculation would be a digression to this review, perhaps saved for a future blog (or to be forwarded to a professional, like this blogger I once read from with valuable insight on Shakespearian history and acting <a href="http://blackswanditty.blogspot.com/">http://blackswanditty.blogspot.com/</a>). <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZUaojsL2SGP3SawytEDglMIdAW4K1Hugq3MLTL8M-s12vc3AhsSZotu2jUJPk51Qfs7yP0sHb9ufSAuJskOYehdSz7Sh2GmYxyL1k6GHkuLj30GyfMkY7s0P-Nw5P0mRE3Yf3y5GwAmFF/s1600/wolves11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="185" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjZUaojsL2SGP3SawytEDglMIdAW4K1Hugq3MLTL8M-s12vc3AhsSZotu2jUJPk51Qfs7yP0sHb9ufSAuJskOYehdSz7Sh2GmYxyL1k6GHkuLj30GyfMkY7s0P-Nw5P0mRE3Yf3y5GwAmFF/s320/wolves11.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Do yourself a favor and see this movie. If you like such dark fairy tales as Legend, Labyrinth, the Dark Crystal, Mirror Mask and The Never Ending Story or if you like Werewolves or the werewolf genre at all, this is going to be worth your time. Sit through the bad parts, they are mostly clustered in the beginning. You might even benefit from a second viewing. I know I did. Remember, the ending is far better than the first half. It picks up fairly quickly and the payoff with Rosaleen and the Wolf is awesome. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These Are Not You're Groupies For Team Jacob</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-531434787752410142011-07-10T20:05:00.000-07:002012-02-15T21:35:50.795-08:00Brain Damage Review<link href="file://localhost/Users/mattrosvally/Library/Caches/TemporaryItems/msoclip/0/clip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List"></link> <link href="file://localhost/Users/mattrosvally/Library/Caches/TemporaryItems/msoclip/0/clip_themedata.xml" rel="themeData"></link> <style>
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><i>This is an old review I wrote for another blog. I polished it up and wish to share it with all of you. Enjoy.</i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 13.5pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 13.5pt;">Brain Damage is a film about a young man living in New York City who throws all of his aptitude in the local gutter by becoming horribly addicted to drugs…and when I say drugs, I mean a hallucinogenic secretion pumped into his Medulla Oblongata by a brain-sucking parasite. This film is particularly rare, as its topic of choice is mature, but the execution of the film and the subject matter is pretty silly and over the top (in a sadistic sort of way). Though to be fair, despite the silliness, Brain Damage does a very good job keeping a straight face with its dark tone and consistent reminder that our main character suffers from a very common and down to earth disease; addiction. In all my years, I can’t imagine anyone not comprehending the feeling of addiction; to want something so much that it becomes the only thought on your mind. Time literally stops, because nothing can distract you from your craving. But this film allows you to take a back seat to your addictions and see how ridiculous the compulsion truly is. We see the truth that what most people are addicted to is not only unimportant, but also incredibly harmful to them in every possible way, whether it be alcohol, cigarettes, cupcakes or brain sucking leech juice. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 13.5pt;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTHOHL55buXjaIAYY2bRcjzc-9K2Gny7CD2C9ELHkL0wsNRrnyTfoiqyBqNrqflrt6vlqmExh7GL8hpF0cO0t_p5lC4jm5gvBD0yNS-0Ya1UbU747wIIMaBdILowRFVB4splcU7Y9YNy-u/s1600/Brain+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTHOHL55buXjaIAYY2bRcjzc-9K2Gny7CD2C9ELHkL0wsNRrnyTfoiqyBqNrqflrt6vlqmExh7GL8hpF0cO0t_p5lC4jm5gvBD0yNS-0Ya1UbU747wIIMaBdILowRFVB4splcU7Y9YNy-u/s320/Brain+1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 13.5pt;">Our protagonist’s name is Brian. He is a young man with a loving girlfriend named Barbara, a supportive and jealous brother named mike, and an addictive personality. Brian meets up with a creature who looks like a googley eyed leech named Aylmer, yet encompasses the suave mannerisms of the Devil himself. Its weapon is rational and seductive persuasion. It doesn’t need to intimidate or frighten Brian because he has his drug, which he knows Brian cannot live without (now if only I could put my borders on my chopping block so willingly, I’d be on easy street! Too bad their fucking kid can’t stop crying every time I sneak into his room from his closet with an ice pick). Once Brian discovers the grizzly nature of his new friend, he struggles to quit the drug despite the futile helpful hands of Barbara and Mike. However, the plot thickens as Brian sinks deeper into his addiction and Mike begins to make moves on Barbara.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 13.5pt;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMN_ZPTfXI6PaP_rwPfNZwo60fSYWB1G4FwCxe0xidUkYyE8SklXm27lrFhr9KueHRmkurcihbfYZTbM47wqUttE_7dZS4urVC34iWg7pVUJBXWEQLsWsaJEm975U4LJb77iu3eMQSvdlw/s1600/brain+2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgMN_ZPTfXI6PaP_rwPfNZwo60fSYWB1G4FwCxe0xidUkYyE8SklXm27lrFhr9KueHRmkurcihbfYZTbM47wqUttE_7dZS4urVC34iWg7pVUJBXWEQLsWsaJEm975U4LJb77iu3eMQSvdlw/s320/brain+2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 13.5pt; tab-stops: 256.5pt;">I’d be comfortable with saying that 90% of the time, a good film in this genre is measured by its antagonist. Aylmer is one of the most charming and likeable of demonic abominations I’ve seen in a very long time. I mean, look at him, with his smug face and unblinking soulless eyes. It takes a very charming personality to get you to look beyond this creature’s hideousness and trust the things he says. Without the smooth talking and hauntingly imposing voice acting of Horror Host John Zacherle (the Cool Ghoul is in this film!) this monster would have absolutely no power over anyone. The best part is that they give him enough screen time that you don’t feel like you have to be sifting for gold. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 13.5pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 13.5pt;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEpdVrh_GW4dpXh8io5_LPWuJlTJp_CqHG0vRijfd-PunwJRdIqLnwZ-cJq2DEyPFykhQ9mk3DjHFiXR2HRwTojNGAOhIz2Q5EOojkUE-ktfZwUa5hOkQieYpR2i0WGGJOvutOYMTB9YPj/s1600/brain+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEpdVrh_GW4dpXh8io5_LPWuJlTJp_CqHG0vRijfd-PunwJRdIqLnwZ-cJq2DEyPFykhQ9mk3DjHFiXR2HRwTojNGAOhIz2Q5EOojkUE-ktfZwUa5hOkQieYpR2i0WGGJOvutOYMTB9YPj/s320/brain+3.jpg" width="320" /></a>I love this movie because it manages to avoid talking down to me despite the fact that it doesn’t try to hide its obvious message. Its beauty comes from its simplicity; the protagonist is addicted to drugs and the drug is blatantly unhealthy (I mean, come on! Have you really looked at the turd-leech with the fangs parking itself on the back of your neck!?). But if one were to truly take themselves out of one’s body and look at the world from a wider perspective, it would become very clear that all recreational drugs are blatantly unhealthy in a very similar way. The basic fact is that no matter how good a drug can make you feel, consistent use of any substance will over time deteriorate your body and your mind. This isn’t to say that I am against you humans taking drugs. Be my guest, so long as you don’t judge me for snorting the ground up finger bones of my victims. You gotta get your kicks somehow. I get mine from murder. But whether taken with a grain of salt or not, Brain Damage paints a very common picture of a scenario we see all the time in the real world. A fairly likeable human being becomes dependent on a substance not indigenous to his body chemistry and goes through a metamorphosis for the worst, which affects everyone around him in a very negative way. <o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 13.5pt;"></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 13.5pt;"><o:p><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1BHQSTRqkQ1snGlkhXtTT9-f2Yw1dCZL6ma-QvtdH6x3TZEjYeMJCyAb4ANhiWLsm8hEOc-c_QpgIZZqbLC9wMYNoIRX169wIG1HXkC8BS6OcwzZB8A9V04dzMg06CG4cIxWDI7IfvMec/s1600/brain+5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1BHQSTRqkQ1snGlkhXtTT9-f2Yw1dCZL6ma-QvtdH6x3TZEjYeMJCyAb4ANhiWLsm8hEOc-c_QpgIZZqbLC9wMYNoIRX169wIG1HXkC8BS6OcwzZB8A9V04dzMg06CG4cIxWDI7IfvMec/s320/brain+5.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
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</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 13.5pt;">Some have told me that they cannot take this film seriously because they refuse to believe that anyone would trust a talking leech, no matter how persuasive he can be. But I really must beg to differ. As I stated before, this sort of thing happens all the time. I know most drug dealers aren’t necessarily the snake eyed monsters many of the 80’s and 90’s PSA’s would have us believe. But seriously, unless you were buying heroin from your grandma, why would you ever trust a stranger on the street to keep your best interests in mind? The truth is that Brian needed no persuasion to take drugs. We see clearly how his downward spiral begins not from the persuasion of a monster, but from his desire to get high. That is where the true horror lies. Though I must admit, this film is a lot sillier than I am giving it credit for. Not since Return of the Living Dead have I seen such brain consumption. There’s monster fallacio, spaghetti and pulsating brains, blue leech juice and a never-ending fountain of blood, and oh so much more. This film does suffer from a fairly miniscule budget and does indulge in the occasional illogical, yet visually amusing gimmick or two (how does a leech the size of your forearm hide inside of one’s throat without impairing one’s ability to speak or breath?). Still, if you happen upon this film and enjoy a good horror/exploitation romp like I do, I highly recommend checking it out for yourself.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 13.5pt;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbyDkCaVws-z31HMhP7QwOLnG6fPL793Bfwlk_yDWrYPQEG0XTgYi4Z_KknOTGNDUxm7-d5bY2O_R7u3JZRalf4po0zN1pi4PayeggfSinS3dZAysHfUsjvMLbKMvckNxLPf5wemYUH-zK/s1600/brain+4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="225" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbyDkCaVws-z31HMhP7QwOLnG6fPL793Bfwlk_yDWrYPQEG0XTgYi4Z_KknOTGNDUxm7-d5bY2O_R7u3JZRalf4po0zN1pi4PayeggfSinS3dZAysHfUsjvMLbKMvckNxLPf5wemYUH-zK/s400/brain+4.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 13.5pt;"><u>Notable Tidbits</u><o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 13.5pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 13.5pt;">-Kevin Van Hentenryck from the movie Basket Case makes a cameo as Duane Bradley from that same film. Frank Henenlotter is the director of both films, which both take place in New York City and both involve young and healthy men whose lives are bogged down with the unfortunate burden of a needy monster.<o:p></o:p></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 13.5pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 13.5pt;">-There are inconsistencies with the spelling of the monster’s name in the credits. They specifically introduce him half way through the movie as Aylmer (pronounced like an ailment) however; they spell his name E-L-M-E-R in the credits. There is actually a scene in the movie, which goes into minute detail of his name and the meaning behind it.</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 13.5pt;"><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9mGborxcq3NlwIaC65bGRVwcr82G-08Mv9FVs7y0T4vXkNJKGA2hnHZ4r2DAYUVeCuTUn47JicMkGnLPwBMRrktWSuE-lak-5rF_LsR97yU0QElrsCuxO2Nx6wSt3n0Q7iGe4qUSru_fY/s1600/brain+7.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9mGborxcq3NlwIaC65bGRVwcr82G-08Mv9FVs7y0T4vXkNJKGA2hnHZ4r2DAYUVeCuTUn47JicMkGnLPwBMRrktWSuE-lak-5rF_LsR97yU0QElrsCuxO2Nx6wSt3n0Q7iGe4qUSru_fY/s320/brain+7.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Care for some sqashed octopus?</td></tr>
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</div>Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2658614269028123182.post-60747414771813802412011-07-04T00:26:00.000-07:002012-01-29T15:48:54.677-08:00Uncle Sam Review<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjuITYJSmv9po_ipCuuXf5HXlY8WCJbc3HvAUuMDYPj-Qp0MOON8JnpMd1LxSH_APuTQ40X_EzwLkjEUcX7as4KMzVE4b48848kpRYR640iUQP0a3WO6i7JwBfvwvh_zf7DRu9FouZG5kW/s1600/Uncle+Sam+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjuITYJSmv9po_ipCuuXf5HXlY8WCJbc3HvAUuMDYPj-Qp0MOON8JnpMd1LxSH_APuTQ40X_EzwLkjEUcX7as4KMzVE4b48848kpRYR640iUQP0a3WO6i7JwBfvwvh_zf7DRu9FouZG5kW/s320/Uncle+Sam+1.jpg" width="226" /></a></div><br />
July 4th is here and that means its time to light those fireworks, boil them hotdogs in Samuel Adams and pull out your favorite film to celebrate this wonderful holiday. Or, if you’re feeling brave, guzzle down some vodka and pop in Uncle Sam, because there is no mere mortal alive who could possibly stomach watching this movie without at least a blood alcohol content of %0.1. This film has all the shit; bad writing, bad acting, bad directing, bad lighting and very bad pacing. What makes it such a shame is that the concept of a murderous Uncle Sam is intriguing enough to make me want to watch it. Little did I know that I would be so frustrated by the end of the screening that I felt the need to kill my Border’s son and wrap the remains in an American Flag*. It’s enough for me to open my door and shout out to the streets, “I hate you, Uncle Sam!”<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCrtI4ImSWDAO9HtsxDcaQEpoIfwEKBb-yuIYHZlv4LdCz9__JrsQ52cgtqmpSwuGLre0XWqQxRJtUG_nbc1oddXDHnC3nxKGCI5PyI1vMHEW0W97IMwz3Ocy8J2yCSQnlfQsoaU1wr77y/s1600/unclesam_shot3l.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="165" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCrtI4ImSWDAO9HtsxDcaQEpoIfwEKBb-yuIYHZlv4LdCz9__JrsQ52cgtqmpSwuGLre0XWqQxRJtUG_nbc1oddXDHnC3nxKGCI5PyI1vMHEW0W97IMwz3Ocy8J2yCSQnlfQsoaU1wr77y/s320/unclesam_shot3l.jpeg" width="320" /></a>Why do I knock this film so much when I’ve given brownie points to Ice Cream Man and Monsters Crash the Pajama Party? After all, these movies suffer from bad writing, acting, directing, lighting and pacing too. Well, the answer is that Uncle Sam wasn’t entertaining. What made those films good was their level of slap-in-the-face absurdity. Bad films are fun to ridicule, the more absurd the film is the better. Whether its level of absurdity is accidental (like in The Room) or completely on purpose (like in the Rocky Horror Picture Show), you get the feeling that the filmmakers had such passion while making it, the experience of watching it becomes enjoyable. Although there are a few occasions in Uncle Sam where you almost feel like the filmmakers are cutting lose and having fun, it does nothing to live up to its full potential of silliness. The majority of the film is slow and vapid, making it a complete waste of my time. Because watching this movie made me feel like an asshole, I’m going to tear it a new one.</div><br />
Just for fun, let’s talk about what makes this a bad film. All the characters are idiots and frequently behave in inconsistent ways. The protagonist is a young man named Jody (who the hell names their son ‘Jody’?!) who is in love with his Uncle Sam Harper, who was gunned down by friendly fire in Desert Storm. Jody won’t shut the fuck up about how heroic his Uncle was and how he wants to grow up to be just like him. However, it turns out that Sam was actually a cruel individual, who verbally and physically abused his family and friends every chance he had. Jody’s fascination with Sam puzzles me. I understand Jody barely knew his uncle and never got the brunt of his cruelty, but why does he feel so attached to someone he doesn’t know? He even goes so far as to defend Sam when people talk about how cruel of a person he was in life, proclaiming he doesn’t “believe” what they are saying. This kid’s one-dimensional personality annoyed the hell out of me so much that I couldn’t help but punch the TV screen every time it showed his smug face. And now my fist hurts. Thanks Jody. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidCZsXAA64Ki-g4rx1xNWFS_02UJPzVehoBln2BW21jJCWslQXzzBSipbVK0BeeEf-m8k3qIWuAvIDkh-ZtiljN4owhuE97qedd4Y8iufwbuhspVC3Zo_14ROqfGzl_uDShHCnPzR_lvXz/s1600/Uncle+Sam+8.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="253" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidCZsXAA64Ki-g4rx1xNWFS_02UJPzVehoBln2BW21jJCWslQXzzBSipbVK0BeeEf-m8k3qIWuAvIDkh-ZtiljN4owhuE97qedd4Y8iufwbuhspVC3Zo_14ROqfGzl_uDShHCnPzR_lvXz/s320/Uncle+Sam+8.jpeg" width="320" /></a>A good example of a character behaving inconsistent and idiotic is Jody’s mother. She offers to keep Sam’s body in her house until the funeral when Sam’s wife expresses a fear of having it in her house. I don’t blame her; after all, Sam was verbally and physically abusive. She also implies he was sexually abusive. But then why does Jody’s Mom agree to keep it? Can’t they keep the body at the funeral parlor? Unless she was holding a procession at her house, there’s no reason for her to keep the body of a madman in her living room, even if they were siblings. You’d think she would hate to have Sam’s body there, given their violent history. This is bad enough, but the most inconsistent and idiotic character of them all is the Monster. Sam’s body is sent back to his hometown, where for some unexplained reason he is brought back to life to wreak havoc on the unpatriotic citizens. I can believe a story about a zombie ex soldier killing the unpatriotic. But Sam is embittered by his death and subsequently, his experience in the army. The moment he is gunned down, he shoots a fellow soldier who tries to help him just to deliver the witty quip “Don’t worry, it’s only friendly fire”. He even tries to kill Isaac Hayes (yes, the late Mr. Hayes is in this film) for inspiring him to join the army in the first place. If he regrets taking part in defending his country, then why does he go out of his way to kill people who disrespect it? I don’t mind my antagonist doing crazy things; I just hate having to ask myself these questions and never having them answered at the end of the film. I never had to raise my eyebrow at why Freddy Krueger did anything. Or the shark from Jaws. <br />
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The technical aspects are also atrocious. Just about every scene has the worst use of voice over ADR put to film. If I had a dollar for every moment I saw someone’s voice completely off sync, I’d be able to buy a new Cannula for my embalming machine. There were technical problems for every department in this movie; The pants on Uncle Sam’s costume changes, wires are clearly visible for stunts, but these particular problems didn’t bother me nearly as much as the ADR. Bad ADR is a pet peeve of mine. watching this movie feels like watching an episode of Speed Racer.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ4yJmjoMgMzPNktH__JQcKdnlmEGRGFc1WM-KIwKxMZ3Sm5TzSR2bdTV8bd_LyIAqHf5Im62IIvs_twTelJJ9wpMkQjT-ujiYDLKiQgGlhVnOflL98_xj1qs5QllfCMREWJR2YnbWdxES/s1600/unclesam_shot5l.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ4yJmjoMgMzPNktH__JQcKdnlmEGRGFc1WM-KIwKxMZ3Sm5TzSR2bdTV8bd_LyIAqHf5Im62IIvs_twTelJJ9wpMkQjT-ujiYDLKiQgGlhVnOflL98_xj1qs5QllfCMREWJR2YnbWdxES/s320/unclesam_shot5l.jpeg" width="320" /></a>I could forgive all these problems, so long as the film was funny and entertaining enough. Monty Python didn’t make sense either. But Monty Python made me laugh. Uncle Sam is billed as a comedy horror, but there was only one sequence in the movie that made me laugh, and none that made me afraid. That sequence is toward the end, when Uncle Sam sabotages the town’s fireworks to murder a bunch of people. I loved watching the families flee in terror as fireworks were shot off into the air. Some time during this sequence, Sam impales a man on an American Flag. That made me chuckle too. But besides that, there were absolutely no funny jokes, not even dark ones. I’d say all this film needs is a few more ridiculous sequences to get a pass. When I see a gimmicky cult movie, I want it to milk the hell out of its gimmick. The writer of this film is Larry Cohen, the writer/director of It’s Alive. I was shocked to learn this because Larry Cohen is usually very good at milking his gimmicks. His resume encompasses such movies as Phone Booth and Cellular and he’s directed the best Masters of Horror episode ever made. I only bring this up to emphasize a powerful lesson I have to re-learn once or twice a year; good filmmakers can make bad movies. It makes me wonder how different the script may have been from the final cut.<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0xVr-J3GxgxFdXjmup3bnE72g_1A-3zG22GXM9lZ3NRuiN28t04LAIilPW6FZ-lcQiZt8idA9Ptxf6aTTO2BG5a_UIYCXNBPa80zMdUQt6cQc4-Rs9DOfUYjE3VPsMaeSn9EiNzGB7OY6/s1600/unclesam_shot2l.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="201" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0xVr-J3GxgxFdXjmup3bnE72g_1A-3zG22GXM9lZ3NRuiN28t04LAIilPW6FZ-lcQiZt8idA9Ptxf6aTTO2BG5a_UIYCXNBPa80zMdUQt6cQc4-Rs9DOfUYjE3VPsMaeSn9EiNzGB7OY6/s320/unclesam_shot2l.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
You wanna know the worst of it all this? This film just had a Blueray DVD release. That’s right, in case VHS or DVD is just not good enough, you can now watch Uncle Sam in clear crisp High Definition. Why the fuck hasn’t this movie disappeared into the anus cracks of cinema mediocrity? Look, I can appreciate those out there who were suckered into buying Uncle Sam as kids and now that 14 years have gone by, they keep a copy to capture some of their lost childhood. But I’ve been on this planet for over 800 years and I’ve haunted many houses in my time. I guess I’m just tired of seeing films that don’t do anything. This film did nothing to build from the basic idea that a man dressed as Uncle Sam kills people, offering absolutely nothing new to the genre. I watch films for the same reason I kill people, to have fun. I want to see the passion in my movies that I see in the eyes of my desperate victims. Wasting time on a bad movie is like taking a sip of blood and realizing you’ve just accidentally filled your mouth with fresh clamato juice. <br />
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*I couldn’t find a flag, so I poisoned the brat and dressed him up in a little Benjamin Franklin suit and hid him in the closet of his neighbor. I can’t wait to see how Mr. Trumble explains THAT to the police.Jeffrey Macabrehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14590666008768349256noreply@blogger.com0